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Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Just had son arrested.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 615276" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there, Deerhunter and I'm so sorry you had to join us, but you'll get a lot of support here. I think you not only did the right thing, but that you should schedule a time for when he either leaves your house or goes into rehab and really tries to get clean. If he doesn't or isn't, he can't stay. I turned my daughter into the cops when she was fifteen and all she was doing at the time, to my knowledge, was smoking pot. I did it because I wanted to get the 35 year old man who had sold it to her, but that was not the last time she was busted for drugs and it wasn't me the other times. I'm not sorry I turned her in. </p><p></p><p>It does not help to try to help (if that makes sense). Our grown kids only change when they WANT to change. A warm bed, good food, our love, our begging them not to use drugs, interventions, etc. do not work until your adult child WANTS to change. When my daugher, who started drugs at age twelve, wanted to quit, she was living with her grown brother. We had told her she had to leave and she called him. He is a straight arrow and told him she'd be out in the cold without his remorse if she so much as lit up a cigarette in his house and he made her get a job (she had no car so she had to walk) and to clean the house sometimes and cook. She did quit everything, even the cigarettes! I often think the difference between my grown kid and us is that she knew we'd waffle and feel guilty and she knew that her brother wouldn't put up with even one transgression. There would be no second chances. She quit without going to rehab. She got a job. She met a fairly nice guy that she is still with (ten years later) and she went back to college.</p><p></p><p>If you are struggling, you should try to take care of yourself and your wife. Get help. Go to therapy. Attend Nar-Anon meetings. Go to NAMI classes (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill). Your son has got to grow up and decide that this life is not for him. And he won't if you are picking up his pieces. </p><p></p><p>We parents calling emotionally pulling away from our grown kid's drama...detachment. It is a good coping skill for those of us with self-destructive adult children. </p><p></p><p>I hope you keep posting.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 615276, member: 1550"] Hi there, Deerhunter and I'm so sorry you had to join us, but you'll get a lot of support here. I think you not only did the right thing, but that you should schedule a time for when he either leaves your house or goes into rehab and really tries to get clean. If he doesn't or isn't, he can't stay. I turned my daughter into the cops when she was fifteen and all she was doing at the time, to my knowledge, was smoking pot. I did it because I wanted to get the 35 year old man who had sold it to her, but that was not the last time she was busted for drugs and it wasn't me the other times. I'm not sorry I turned her in. It does not help to try to help (if that makes sense). Our grown kids only change when they WANT to change. A warm bed, good food, our love, our begging them not to use drugs, interventions, etc. do not work until your adult child WANTS to change. When my daugher, who started drugs at age twelve, wanted to quit, she was living with her grown brother. We had told her she had to leave and she called him. He is a straight arrow and told him she'd be out in the cold without his remorse if she so much as lit up a cigarette in his house and he made her get a job (she had no car so she had to walk) and to clean the house sometimes and cook. She did quit everything, even the cigarettes! I often think the difference between my grown kid and us is that she knew we'd waffle and feel guilty and she knew that her brother wouldn't put up with even one transgression. There would be no second chances. She quit without going to rehab. She got a job. She met a fairly nice guy that she is still with (ten years later) and she went back to college. If you are struggling, you should try to take care of yourself and your wife. Get help. Go to therapy. Attend Nar-Anon meetings. Go to NAMI classes (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill). Your son has got to grow up and decide that this life is not for him. And he won't if you are picking up his pieces. We parents calling emotionally pulling away from our grown kid's drama...detachment. It is a good coping skill for those of us with self-destructive adult children. I hope you keep posting. [/QUOTE]
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Just had son arrested.
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