Just had to pick ....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Jun 28, 2009.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    ktbug up from respite. There is one staff there that is over the top. She hit a child this weekend & wouldn't allow the children to call their parents ~ even to say good night.

    You ladies know me. I'm a fairly patient & reasonable woman. When kt finally called she was in tears & was asked to be picked up. She was frightened for herself & the other girls. If I had had permission I would have driven the other girls home. One child had already been picked up by her parent.

    I got there to pick up kt & the offending staff member confronted me. Told me what a "brat" kt was ~ I stared this woman in the eye & told her she did not want to take me on. I was the last person she wanted to take on.

    In the meantime, the girls there told me they had been threatened by this lady, one had been hit & had been told they couldn't contact their parents.

    A complaint is being filed even as we speak. I'm pulling in favors from team members (I'm easy to work with). CPS is being called in to investigate.

    These children may be challenging but they will not be threatened or hit by service providers. I need respite but am willing to do without unless this staff member is investigated & dealt with.

    Don't mess with this mama bear.
  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Linda, I am so glad you got to get kt before she was further traumatized by this woman. It doesn't seem right that these kinds of people slip through the system to work with the most vulnerable in our society.
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Those poor girls!!! There is NO EXCUSE for them to ever be hit by a service provider or anyone else!!

    Thank Heaven that ktbug ignored the directions to not tell and so did the other girls.It is so very easy to scare many children into not speaking up about abuse. Sadly, it is the difficult children who often feel that no one will pay attention to them because of their problems. That staff witch was counting on that.

    It was really brave of kt to speak out to you. Speaks volumes about your relationship with her and her growth as a young lady.

    I hope the woman is fired, blackballed AND tried for assault and kidnapping (or forced imprisonment - it can change from state to state).

    Of all the things kt needs to face, physical abuse and being totally cut off from the safety you represent to her is just NOT on the list. Especially right now.

    Hopefully every member of every girl's treatment team will yell and scream about this child abuser.

    WHAT was the witch smoking to tell you that kt is a brat??? sounds like she hit the crack pipe a bit too much - I bet it was just kt standing up for her rights that led to the witch saying that.

    Witch probably thought if she talked to you first then you wouldn't believe kt.


    If you need the posse, just let me know!

    Sounds like kt may need a snuggle and a movie, or to have you read to her this afternoon.
  4. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    She obviously didn't know who she was dealing with, Linda! Good for KT for standing up for herself and good for you for putting a stop to it! Someone like that obviously shouldn't even be allowed anywhere near kids, much less be left to care for them!

    If this person holds any kind of professional license, there will be a place on your state's website where you can file a formal complaint (usually under the Dept. of Health) and after a hearing, she could very well lose that license and be put on an 'abuse' list so she can never work with children again.
  5. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I really hope that kt (& the other girls) saw you give it right back to this staffer... they now know they are believed and valued because of you.

    Is it time for a posse? :warrior:
  6. Anaheimfan

    Anaheimfan Blue Collar Boy

    I have my ideas about what should be done to this woman....But the Terms Of Service prohibit me from suggesting them.

    Good job for kt for calling you, and good job for you for throwing it in the woman's face. Give'em Hell, girl!

    It is amazing how these "people" can manage to get into these positions of care and authority, and actually get away with the stunts they're pulling (I think Susie hit it on the head with how easy it is to scare many children)...It's like the one PSW (Personal Support Wprker) my great-grandmother had, but that's another story.

    Glad that kt is okay, and good on you for makin sure that woman gets punished. :peaceful:
  7. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    A posse may be needed ~ these kids all have issues. Most of them with skewed thought processes. That's why they are not believed. I always, always get the "other side of the story" but when I'm approached by all of the girls at this respite house something is obviously wrong.

    The girl who was hit was hit once before & no one believed the girls (I did).

    I'll let you know what's what when all is said & done.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Oh wow, that poor girl! It is bad enough to be hit, but then to not be believed about it hurts ten times worse! Each time it happens magnifies the amount it hurts by 1000.

    How on earth will that child ever develop enough self esteem to stay out of abusive relationships? This worker and those who do not believe the girls are training her for abusive relationships. It should be criminal.

    I am so glad that ktbug has you to be her warrior mom. I hope that you are able to find other respite or have the woman fired. I am sure you will find the right persons to contact. Maybe kt should have a nannycam bear to take with her if she has to go there again.

    kt must still be feeling scared and unsafe. She never needed this, but the timing couldn't possibly be much worse than it is now. At least she doesn't have to go to school and try to keep herself together tomorrow. She is on summer break, isn't she?

    give ktbug a hug or three from me.
  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I feel so badly for those girls! Glad you were able to get kt. Hope the others were able to get some help in dealing with this woman. She should not have that job.
  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    So glad kt called and told you what happened. I'm so sorry she had to experience this. I hope that lady is out of that job fast! No way should she be in that position. That took some nerve calling kt a brat, I can't even imagine, you probably remained calmer than I would have. Hugs to both you and kt.
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Yes, when you hear it from that many people, at least part of it has to be true. You did the right thing.

    I stared this woman in the eye & told her she did not want to take me on. I was the last person she wanted to take on.

    I love it!

    In the meantime, the girls there told me they had been threatened by this lady, one had been hit & had been told they couldn't contact their parents.

    A complaint is being filed even as we speak. I'm pulling in favors from team members (I'm easy to work with). CPS is being called in to investigate.

    And good luck.
    So sorry the respite fell apart. Sigh.
  12. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I rec'd a call from respite supervisor last evening who admitted the entire weekend was chaos.

    The "abusive" staff member filed a complaint because I spoke with her inappropriately in front of the clients. Personally, I don't care. I told supervisor that I'd worked with her & her program for almost 2 years now ~ I'd always given what's gone on during the program & the staff the benefit of the doubt. When kt called & I heard the level of chaos in the background that was it.

    Was I angry with staff person ~ darned right. Was I appropriate with that anger? You betcha. I've been a business woman far too long to lose my temper in most settings. You maintain AND get your point across.

    On the other hand, kt refused to clean. "What does that have to do with verbal threats & hitting another child? kt frequently refuses to clean ~ if staff were on the ball they'd be there talking with her while she cleans."

    Geeeeez. I've now been called over reactive. Whatever ~ take care of that staff. There only seems to be issues when that staff is on duty.
  13. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I suspect the supervisor is playing "CYA". Who do you file a formal complaint with?
  14. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sounds like major CYA going on. The staff member filed a complaint against you ONLY because she knew you would believe kt and the other girls and she KNEW she was in the wrong.

    Who is above this supervisor that you can complain to? You have a lot of contacts so chances are you may be the ONLY one who can handle this (out of the adults involved that the girl would talk to I mean.) and get that staff person moved so that she has NO contact with staff.

    Where does telling someone not to mess with you constitute speaking inappropriately? Only in the dreamworld of delusion where that staff person is a good influence, in my opinion.

    It sure sounds like the supervisor just wants you to accept her word and go about your business.

    As to the complain that kt wouldn't clean? Clean what? If it is clean up after herself, ok. If it is to clean other things, well, is kt being sent there to clean or to have punishments (cleaning could be seen that way) or is there some other reason kt is there? I would want to know why they would think ANY 13yo, esp a difficult child one, would clean when not being directly supervised? It sure seems like an unreasonable expectation to me. And I HAVE a 13yo who is very responsible and STILL has to be supervised to do many cleaning tasks. This is the same 13yo child who LIKES to clean. (many times she will go and clean three other things rather than whatever 10 minute chore she is assigned!)

    The supervisor's reaction seems fishy. Maybe she already knew the staff was not a good fit for the job?

    Let us know what comes next. Give kt a hug for me and tell her Jess would probably have refused to clean also, and it is NO excuse for hitting a child.
  15. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    This is just flat out scary. Those girls should be apologized to.
    People amaze me and they are lucky that that is all you did.
    Posse, hhmph! The CD Posse!
  16. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    toto, sweetie, you missed the original posse I gathered here 4 or so years ago after instances of abuse & neglect came out during therapy for both kt & wm.

    There were many volunteers to take on the abusers of my children. I don't tolerate abuse of any child.