Just in case I was getting too comfortable

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Nancy, Jul 7, 2007.

  1. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    difficult child had to pull something. She invited three of her flag team friends (all nice girls) and the pitcher from our softball team (red flags) to our house after their game last night. The pitcher brings her boyfriend. I suspected something right away and went down the basement four times. I smelled what I thought was alcohol and even took the girls glasses of water and tasted them and asked if they were drinking, to which they all said no. husband finally went down there and confronted them and the pitcher and her boyfriend abruptly left.

    After snooping around this morning, reading cell phone texts, reading myspace bulletins, etc we woke the girls at 9A.M. and made them come up to the kitchen where husband and I contronted them all. They all denied drinking and we told them we were calling thweir parents. They went back downstairs and 3 minutes later difficult child came upstairs and confessed that the pitcher and her boyfriend brought alcohol in a blue bottle and they drank and offered the others. All the girls took a sip and said it was too strong and didn't drink anymore.

    Neither difficult child of the other three were under the influence but we knew there was alcohol there and that they did have a sip. We told the girls we believed them but they should have told the other two to leave when they first brought it out and that we could have gotten into a lot of trouble having underage drinking in our home.

    I'm glad difficult child came clean but very disappointed she even involved herself with this girl who we knew was trouble from the first baseball game of the season. I told husband he should bench the gilr for the rest of the season but she's our only pitcher. The girls parents have never been to a game so they are not in the picture and we will never see her again after July 28.

    We told difficult child no more driving for a very long time.

    Nancy
     
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well Nancy, I dont think this falls into difficult child behavior, I think it falls under completely typical teen behavior. I think it speaks volumes that your daughter didnt partake of more than a sip. She probably took that sip because she didnt really know how to deal with the situation. It was awkward.

    Most kids dont really know how to tell a friend that they are committing a No No and Mommy and Daddy upstairs will be mad. That just sounds dumb in the land of teenager. Much easier to say...Yuck!

    She did the right thing in the end. Dont be too mad at her.
     
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I agree that it's typical teen. difficult child would be, in my opinion, if she's drunk with them. Otherwise, I think she was just doing what teens do--and teens experiment with drinking and pot and sometimes not-the-best friends.
     
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I also believe this to be pretty typical teen stuff.

    Be proud of her for admitting to her mistake. (not a typical difficult child thing to do) Personally, I'd chalk this one up to experience, and not be too hard on her.
     
  5. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    I agree with the others. I would just talk to her about things she could say, and do, to get out of an uncomfortable situation. Knowing that you are available and easy to talk to over "this" will be a big benefit to your relationship. I wouldn't punish her. Tell her youre proud she told the truth.-Alyssa
     
  6. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I agree with the others. Peer pressure stinks. There were three "nice girls" there. Any of them could have spoken up or gone to you. None of them did. Instead, they all took a sip, all denied there was any alcohol when you asked. It wasn't right but it was certainly human and definitely low as transgressions go for mid teens.

    I'd give your daughter a break. Let her know that you're proud of the fact she didn't drink more, that she did admit what had happened. Rather than taking driving privileges away since driving had nothing to do with drinking at home, I'd make the punishment be no overnights for a week or two.
     
  7. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    I would be really proud of difficult child. I do not think teens, not difficult child's would come clean like that.

    difficult child told me some of his friends do not like him anymore because of me. When they are with me (out of town) or at my house, I keep an eye on them. I simply told difficult child that is too bad. Because I am responsible for these kids when they are in my care. If his friends have a problem with that I could always talk to their parents about what I feel is inappropriate. difficult child says..."see, that's exactly why".

    I think she did a great job coming forward. Sometimes teens will find themself in a situation they did not intend to be in.
     
  8. kris

    kris New Member

    <span style='font-size: 11pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #003333"> nancy, i can certainly relate to the emotions this evoked for both you & husband. situations like his will indeed come up over the next few years. maybe coming up with-a strategy that would work for both J & you....make you both comfortable & give you peace of mind....would help.

    they deserve props for coming clean so quickly.

    kris
    </span> </span> </span>
     
  9. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    meowbunny I like your suggestion of no sleepovers for a week or two. I am glad she came clean, although it was peer pressure for sure because she had no intention of telling the truth until she went back downstairs with the girls and they convinced her to. But maybe she learned a lesson from that.

    I agree it's pretty typical teen behavior but those alarms go off in me thinking back to the way it use to be.

    Actually we handled it well, no yelling or threats. We had plans to go out to eat with my sister in law and brother in law and we told her she was grounded for the evening and she didn't argue. She even told her friends on the computer that she was grounded and didn't complain. She knows that girl is no longer welcome at our house and hopefully her friends now know they can't get away with that at our house.

    She does have to make things right with the rest of the flag team who are very upset with these girls for what they did. Perhaps peer punishment will be far worse than anything we can do.

    Nancy
     
  10. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    I was almost afraid to open this after knowing how well your difficult child has done for so long now. But, I have to say it isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. :slap:

    She should have kicked the kids out immediately but most teens wouldn't do that. She didn't get drunk but she should have come clean right away.

    In all, not nearly as bad as it could have been. She's still a good kid.

    Steph
     
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