Just me again :(

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Confused, Jul 28, 2013.

  1. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Well, again sorry I dont reply ( offer advice) to u all. How can I do that when I do everything wrong?

    When I said in the beginning my daughter was fine, I at least wanted to believe that, escp compared to my son.- again still wont talk or smile and honestly we have a proper hygiene issue which is not new... Still does her electronics ( even before them she still same ) People say Depresion and I see no diference in her since she was 6 years old. I belive shes antisocial or social anxiety. Her oldest half brother was this way, but now getting more outgoing. ( another mother)

    My son, same ol issues. Hes so demanding and one minute can be happy and the next watch out. I swear Bipolar and or ADD/ADHD and ODD. He broke glasses at the end isle of Kmart one day cuz he wouldnt listen to me when i said slow down- He had the cart which he demands to "drive" or theres his attitude. He threatens to hit the glass doors to the frozen section in the store if I dont let him do or get what he wants- or if he is taking too long. He can stand there with the door open for 10 minutes if I let him! He is biting himself , kicking doors, refuses to practice math, telling time etc with us saying WE R WRONG!!! He also has been saying nightly theres people knocking on the door or windows, what if someone breaks in etc. (I worry schiztophrenic but praying not- rather him lie and say it for whatever) Now, once a neighbor WAS at the door due to a leak from our roof. I do look every time if someones there, reasure him its ok, we have bars all over, overall safe area and neighborhood, our neighbors are nosey so they are always checking on everyones house daily. We have emergency plans in action as well. One time he was ready to tell me someone was there but I stopped him and said if ur gonna tell me that your grounded because you cant make lies or things up to get to stay up, or me to sleep in your room, u will be grounded- he changed it to his car. THEN.... if we ask him to pick something up and give him time, and he doesnt do it, we finally say" we are going to throw out if he doesnt pick it up" He demands" are u throwing it out, u anwer me first than Ill answer u etc" He can be so happy and good, answers adults when spoken to in public ( when in good mood), and he can get complimants of "hes so cute, hes a ladys man" But thaan a drop of a quarter, hes got this look and just turns tantrum, or mad or demanding etc" Im so blah I cant even put this all into the proper words.

    Once again, we had plans to volunteer today, but the refusal of hygiene, the arguments from both we couldnt go! It looks bad on me to keep canceling! This is another reason I have no job! I have no one to watch the kids nor money to pay them. My dad is ill, forget that idea. I threw out our volunteer shirts because its all done. Arguments everytime, and my daughter wants me to do to most of the work while there anyway!!!! Umm this was for her Honor Society, I just have to do a little work cuz shes not old enough to be there on her own. If she was, I doubt things would be different.

    I really thought spending time with them, making sure they r happy ( i tried thought i was doing a good or least decent job), making sure they are fed, clothed, healthy, in school and having fun but yet learning about rules-life- etc, Loving them , Id do anything I can for them, uggh I cant even put it all down - my words are just gone...I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.....THEY ARE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!

    Well, Im all out of ideas, everyone( talked to doctors they r included) says its all my fault theres not one thing wrong with them so fine, its all me. Sorry to repeat myself as usual :sigh::hamwheelsmilf::twister2:

    sorry for the bad spelling as usual.. i type fast or am blah when typing and just dont feel like trying to correct it to be honest :/
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Have these two kids been tested by a neuropsychologist? If so, why is that? They really need to be..both of them. You can't help if you don't know what's wrong and guessing is pointless. Obviously what you are doing now is not working. I do not think your son is "bad." I think he has a disorder which makes it hard for him to fit into our world, but that he can be helped. You can not expect to do this without professional help. It's not going to work.

    Daugheter's demeaner sounds a lot like perhaps Aspergers. Neither child is good socially and often ASDers tend to have a very stoic expression, without changing expression, which can be mistaken for depression. Also, ADHD/ODD is often a misdiagnosis when it is Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD).

    If you have seen a neuropsychologist already, I'd see another one for a second opinion. I don't think you are going down the right path with either child. The social anxiety is often also a symptom of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). Poor hygiene is often part of it, because they don't really care about social norms. I am sure they feel your love and this is NOT your fault, but it does run in families, although could be father's side.

    I think you should have evaluations set up ASAP. There is usually a long waiting list, but it's a start. I think you are thinking psychiatric when it is probably neurological. Often psychicatrists do not know how to diagnose for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and can make bad diagnosing errors. My son was misdiagnoed with bipolar and put on heavy medications he didn't need. I don't think your son can control his behavior. He needs interventions and help as does daughter.

    I wish you luck. Weekends can be slow. others will come along. Is somebody preventing you from getting help for the kids? If you have Medicaid, university hospitals and chldren's hospitals have professionals and normally take Medicaid. It shouldn't be a problem getting in to see somebody. Honey, I say this with gentleness...your son is not happy if he has tantrums that often. He seriously needs help. It is not your fault, but it IS your responsibility to get him seen and then helped by somebody who can do it. You all three can not just go on hoping it will change. If anything, it usually changes for the worse.

    Glad you came back.
  3. Confused

    Confused Guest

    They have not been tested by a neuropsychologist because for one I need doctors referrals and they say they see nothing wrong.. (I have been to the doctors etc for help) a little shy they say my daughter is and my son is just a boy..all boy. Son as been seen at a pysc something dr( when the finally gave me a referral after me nagging for a couple years) he said I needed to let him grow and its all me because I cried when they said nothing was wrong with him. Let him grow, still dont get that one, he was all day school, sports, playdates, family, neighbors, yard time, love I gave /give him responsibility, love, guide them but depending what it was know they have to learn from their mistakes as well. I let them live their life. One Dr said maybe learning disability cuz of his grades, or add. My son even admitted its hard to sit still all day, teacher has to repeat directions etc. ( teacher told me too) I don't know I said before about them moving with there dad that he less strict- - he has no rules!!!!!!! Oh at first he does but than honeymoon period ends. He will let them do or go whenever or wherever. Anyway enough of that.

    I see what your saying and I wasnt trying to completely self diagnoses, just what it seems like. My son acts this at home as well as well as with all family..friends ..School he hasn't had tantrums yet or showed anger. My daughter at home when its just me and her she talks more talks about her comp games, art cooking stuff, she loves to text friends and her aunt and will do that non stop.

    You said "I don't think you are going down the right path with either child...... later "Honey, I say this with gentleness...your son is not happy if he has tantrums that often."

    See, your right they r not happy.. so I believe if they move w their dad they will be happy. They will be perfectly fine and most of these issues will be solved for them. I have been trying to get them help.. even was going to make another appointment ..again.. with their Dr tomorrow. Im not trying to take it the wrong way what u said, I know disorders can make them not happy or have the ability to have expressions or to understand expressions etc... right from wrong.... and they / we all need help. But I still believe its me, all my fault, besides, thats what I been told

    Sorry your son was misdiagnosed at first but glad hes now properly diagnosed :) Thank you, I appreciate your feed back and I pray things keep getting better for you and your family hugs
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Stop! Please! Whatever doctor you've been taking them too...don't take them there again. It can take time to find the right doctor, and the ones you've seen so far have been lemons. You probably saw a therapist rather than a psychiatrist, but there are bad psychiatrists too. You need to start fresh.It's not really that hard to find one who will listen to you and give you a referral.

    Pediatricians/family doctors have no idea about childhood disorders, but many DO listen to our concerns and let us have our children totally evaluated, which you never had. I'm not sure what this guy is looking to "see" since it's not his field, but you need a new doctor pronto. You need to get them evaluated. Daughter is already 13 and you don't want her to be a teenager with an untreated disorder. Usually that brings bad stuff with it, and it can happen very suddenly. Please do this for your kids. And do it soon.

    NOBODY IMPORTANT HAS TOLD YOU IT'S YOUR FAULT. A family doctor or pediatrician, friends, your mother, an aunt, a snooty neighbor, a teacher (they are NOT part of the medical field), a coach, an kissing cousin etc. are not experts and are clueless about our children. Stop worrying about what OTHER people tell you and take them for real testing and then you'll stop hearing that it's you. A neuropsychologist will not say it's your fault. Nor will an Occupational Therapist (OT) or a PT, two good professionals that you can visit along with the neuropsychologist.

    It's not you and it's not ABOUT you. It's about your kids and helping them and a certain parenting method isn't going to change anything if they are differently wired. We are all here because nothing worked!

    And all of us got blamed, even though it wasn't because of us.

    Moving to their dad's, unless he plans to evaluate and treat them, won't help. Actually, having no rules will probably make them even worse. Differently wired kids need structure. You sound like a caring, loving, good, competent mother. Don't be so hard on yourself. Most people do NOT understand children who are born different, but WE DO!
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2013
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    In addition to agreeing with MWM I suggest that you start keeping a daily diary so you can "see" and "know" that the problems are NOT caused by you...........and that your children need qualified help. It does not have to be a fancy book but it needs to be a place where YOU can note the daily events that cause you to be fearful for the future. Obviously I think you need to seek a new Physician but you need to have recorded documents that support your concerns. I am sending caring thoughts your way. DDD
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    On top of that... girls are EXTREMELY difficult to get a diagnosis for, if they are on the spectrum. Somebody around here said once that "a girl with Asperger's still has better social skills than a neurotypical boy of the same age"... in other words, they have to be an extreme case to get noticed, but that doesn't mean they don't need exactly the same help.

    Switch doctors. Find a nurse practitioner with a good reputation as an alternative - we got some of our best referrals from the nurse practitioner (rather than the GP). Find a clinic that specializes in "challenging kids". Is there anyone at school (counsellor, teachers, etc.) that see the problems and can document for you? Sometimes all it takes is one "non-parent" opinion for others to start noticing.
  7. Confused

    Confused Guest

    MidwestMom,I tried to get an appointment with one before, even my neighbor tried because she knew the Dr! But they still wanted a referral. I gotta try again. At first their dad may act with rules etc, but he will slack off, have no rules, I mean when my daughter was 5/6 years old he said bedtime was 10pm on a school night, even tho she takes forever to get up as is! He is let them do as they wish thing overall, and so much Im not saying here. He blames me as well, but yet says Im a good mom? I do love my kids sooooooooo much and its killing me to have them going through, us going through this. Oh, my daughter on the bathing used to love it, I couldn't get her out, and she'd really scrub up! I am trying to remember the age she stopped,. She gets soooo mad at me and yells when I kindly bring up bathing to her and reminding her "how" and that talk about"mother nature" gets her mad! Like shes embarrassed or something? I have now decided to not let her play with- elctronics or leave this house unless she properly bathes. I mean with a E.R of course we leave thats different. I let her leave soo many times with dirt grime on her neck, stinky, oily hair etc. I mean , if u shower properly and still smell, thats different. But not to give an effort yikes!

    DDD, I did keep a diary of my sons issues as well as some on video and the DR.s DIDNT want to see it! I was shocked!!! Only the nurse at his school said she'd look but said it sarcastically like even so, it probably was nothing! Dont get me wrong, I have yelled back like a child after hours of tantrums, etc, I know is a nono. Thank you, I will start back up again. Like tonight he said someone was outside his window..again...staring at him. I dont know y hes started this. I got upset and looked, reassured him all was fine and I did yell! Im praying hes just saying this to try to get me to sleep in his room with him I don't know.

    InsaneCdn, I agree with you in 99% of girls are more social. But in my case, my son is the outgoing one and my daughter is beyond obviously quite and not showing emotion esp in public. Home shes quite still but more a lil more chatty and will throw a smile and def can hear my two being vocal when she and her brother fight. Her teachers every year always say how quite but how smart she is. 1st grade said take her to drama class to open up but she didnt want to and frankly I couldnt find one here for her age. But through the years, shes been a cheerleader, but quite and not shakin her butt as much as the others, she reads from the Bible in mass at the front and she loves it. When spoken to, her voice is low and she will answer with a few words depending on the question. I get comments at the places we volunteered at. Even though my best friend has been around for 12 years, she still doesn't speak to her unless I direct her to! She was fine at 4yrs old, a little more quite at 5 years old and 6 years old that was it!

    When I find a job, I am considering a dog again. Im back and fourth because of my kids issues but yet, when they are with the dogs, they have something to help, feed , love, etc. My son has threatened the cages but never has lost it on them and he was / is really good with dogs. I feel maybe it would help them? I think my son would feel safer with a dog here, as if its here to " protect him". My best friend said again, she feels a dog would be additional therapy for my kids. I don't know. :/.. thanks everyone hugs