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Just musing: Whom do you tell? Friends? Family? No one?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 458804" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>The others have given good advice. I will say that you NEED to stop thinking of him as just having sub abuse issues. The assault, nearly losing his vision, has given him PTSD which IS a mental illness. It CAN be treated so that the person can go on to cope well with life. EMDR is the gold standard for treating PTSD and in my opinion your son should now be considered to need dual diagnosis treatment - for the sub abuse and for the PTSD. If anything, the backslide to drugs is a huge sign of how big an impact that attack had on him. You also must not brush off the long term effects of head injury. We are learning more and more about how bad and how long term injury to the head is. I have seen a LOT of the kids that my kids played soccer with in years past who now, thanks to hitting balls off of their heads, have serious problems. Some of these kids were very smart and now have had actual lowered IQ scores because they had so many repetitive head injuries in games and practices and they brushed off the soreness or didn't tell anyone how bad it was or had parents who brushed off their headaches, bruises, etc... These kids played together at ages 6 -11 or so and are now only <strong>16</strong> and are having real, measurable problems learning and functioning. Same is true for many boys who play football. Sports are pushed so much and not letting your team down by saying you are hurt, seeing double, have blurred vision, etc... is a HUGE deal here. I sadly think my daughter was BLESSED to have the ankle and knee problems that first kept her out of soccer at the 12-14yr ages and then also had this bizarre shaking problem that started two yrs ago and no doctor will bother to treat no matter what we do. Those issues, which are awful and I would NEVER have wanted her to have, did have her stop playing soccer right at the age that the coaches here were pushing learning to hit the ball wtih your head and saved her from brain injury. husband thought I really over-reacted when I said that she was NOT going to do headers and I did NOT CARE what the other kids/coaches/fools thought. Now several of the parents have contacted me because they know I know the ins and outs of IEPs and their kids now need them to cope with high school because the brain injuries. Even a MILD brain injury that is not allowed to heal before more injury happens can make a HUGE difference in a person's future.</p><p></p><p>I know your son isn't listening to you. But you need to keep in mind that there is more going on than choosing to use/deal drugs. I am NOT saying that you did the wrong thing cutting him off totally - you did what needed to be done for him and for your other kids. But you also need to work on changing your thinking from being a burnout or choosing to be a slacker to thinking that this is likely his dysfunctional way of handling the PTSD and brain injury. I have spoken with quite a few PTs and neuros and while many would brush off various sports injuries like headers - when shown how fast the ball is usually traveling and the force of the impact with the ball, they ALL say that their own kids would not be doing that because it causes lasting brain injuries. So as you try to steer him toward help, include help for the PTSD and encourage him to see a neuro if there are signs of problems from the head injury.</p><p></p><p>You can google EMDR to find out more about it, including therapists who are certified in his area and in yours.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 458804, member: 1233"] The others have given good advice. I will say that you NEED to stop thinking of him as just having sub abuse issues. The assault, nearly losing his vision, has given him PTSD which IS a mental illness. It CAN be treated so that the person can go on to cope well with life. EMDR is the gold standard for treating PTSD and in my opinion your son should now be considered to need dual diagnosis treatment - for the sub abuse and for the PTSD. If anything, the backslide to drugs is a huge sign of how big an impact that attack had on him. You also must not brush off the long term effects of head injury. We are learning more and more about how bad and how long term injury to the head is. I have seen a LOT of the kids that my kids played soccer with in years past who now, thanks to hitting balls off of their heads, have serious problems. Some of these kids were very smart and now have had actual lowered IQ scores because they had so many repetitive head injuries in games and practices and they brushed off the soreness or didn't tell anyone how bad it was or had parents who brushed off their headaches, bruises, etc... These kids played together at ages 6 -11 or so and are now only [B]16[/B] and are having real, measurable problems learning and functioning. Same is true for many boys who play football. Sports are pushed so much and not letting your team down by saying you are hurt, seeing double, have blurred vision, etc... is a HUGE deal here. I sadly think my daughter was BLESSED to have the ankle and knee problems that first kept her out of soccer at the 12-14yr ages and then also had this bizarre shaking problem that started two yrs ago and no doctor will bother to treat no matter what we do. Those issues, which are awful and I would NEVER have wanted her to have, did have her stop playing soccer right at the age that the coaches here were pushing learning to hit the ball wtih your head and saved her from brain injury. husband thought I really over-reacted when I said that she was NOT going to do headers and I did NOT CARE what the other kids/coaches/fools thought. Now several of the parents have contacted me because they know I know the ins and outs of IEPs and their kids now need them to cope with high school because the brain injuries. Even a MILD brain injury that is not allowed to heal before more injury happens can make a HUGE difference in a person's future. I know your son isn't listening to you. But you need to keep in mind that there is more going on than choosing to use/deal drugs. I am NOT saying that you did the wrong thing cutting him off totally - you did what needed to be done for him and for your other kids. But you also need to work on changing your thinking from being a burnout or choosing to be a slacker to thinking that this is likely his dysfunctional way of handling the PTSD and brain injury. I have spoken with quite a few PTs and neuros and while many would brush off various sports injuries like headers - when shown how fast the ball is usually traveling and the force of the impact with the ball, they ALL say that their own kids would not be doing that because it causes lasting brain injuries. So as you try to steer him toward help, include help for the PTSD and encourage him to see a neuro if there are signs of problems from the head injury. You can google EMDR to find out more about it, including therapists who are certified in his area and in yours. [/QUOTE]
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