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Parent Emeritus
Just musing: Whom do you tell? Friends? Family? No one?
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 458943"><p>I am a pretty open person and so over the years have been pretty open about the issues. When my son was 15 we sent him to a TBS out of state... i was honest with people who asked about that. When he came home the first year he did well and all was good. Then things fell apart. So with friends I have been open and honest and what I have found is people tell you all sorts of things they don't tell other people. Many people have had someone close to them have a substance abuse problem for example. For the most part I have gotten sympathy and support. I will say I am less open with the parents of my sons classmates. I haven't been real comfortable with that group of people for years because of feelings of judgement when my son was young..... so sometimes if asked where he is going to school or whatever i will say "Oh he is off finding himself". I don't necessarily say he is in jail, or rehab or like at the moment in a psychiatric unit. We had parents night at school for my daughter last year when my son was in jail and i practiced before hand what i would say to acquaintances I might run into... However most of those people are only people I would run into somewhere, they are not people in my day to day life. People I see regularly know.... those at work, church, friends etc. I just find it easier becuase truth be told this affects me and how i am doing and where I am at. We are a little less open with my IL's but even they know at this point.</p><p></p><p>What I have found for the most part is that people are sympathetic, supportive and know we have done everything we could possibly do. Do they judge me in private... maybe but i don't care anymore. As someone said once "What other people think about me is really none of my business"!!!</p><p></p><p>I will say though that although most people in my RL are sympathetic and understanding and supportive they don't always really understand. Often they want to help find solutions... or they feel bad for everything we have gone through. So it has been a great relief to find this board and others who really know what it is like... and I have also found a fabulous parents alanon group and that has been a huge huge help to me. It has been such a relief to meet other people who really understand, who are also good caring parents, and who have kids who are really messed up anyways.</p><p></p><p>Do what feels right to you and comfortable for you. People may surprise you and it may just be a relief to not have to try and keep a good face all the time.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 458943"] I am a pretty open person and so over the years have been pretty open about the issues. When my son was 15 we sent him to a TBS out of state... i was honest with people who asked about that. When he came home the first year he did well and all was good. Then things fell apart. So with friends I have been open and honest and what I have found is people tell you all sorts of things they don't tell other people. Many people have had someone close to them have a substance abuse problem for example. For the most part I have gotten sympathy and support. I will say I am less open with the parents of my sons classmates. I haven't been real comfortable with that group of people for years because of feelings of judgement when my son was young..... so sometimes if asked where he is going to school or whatever i will say "Oh he is off finding himself". I don't necessarily say he is in jail, or rehab or like at the moment in a psychiatric unit. We had parents night at school for my daughter last year when my son was in jail and i practiced before hand what i would say to acquaintances I might run into... However most of those people are only people I would run into somewhere, they are not people in my day to day life. People I see regularly know.... those at work, church, friends etc. I just find it easier becuase truth be told this affects me and how i am doing and where I am at. We are a little less open with my IL's but even they know at this point. What I have found for the most part is that people are sympathetic, supportive and know we have done everything we could possibly do. Do they judge me in private... maybe but i don't care anymore. As someone said once "What other people think about me is really none of my business"!!! I will say though that although most people in my RL are sympathetic and understanding and supportive they don't always really understand. Often they want to help find solutions... or they feel bad for everything we have gone through. So it has been a great relief to find this board and others who really know what it is like... and I have also found a fabulous parents alanon group and that has been a huge huge help to me. It has been such a relief to meet other people who really understand, who are also good caring parents, and who have kids who are really messed up anyways. Do what feels right to you and comfortable for you. People may surprise you and it may just be a relief to not have to try and keep a good face all the time. TL [/QUOTE]
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Just musing: Whom do you tell? Friends? Family? No one?
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