Just ... not sure what to feel about this...venting.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Lil, Oct 9, 2014.

  1. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Not sure how to feel about any of this, just venting.

    Son was doing well. Kept the job, even though he really doesn’t care for it much. Had taken a half day off last week, so was up to a point and a half (they get 5) and that was all. He was so looking forward to payday tomorrow and plans on going to visit a friend from “college”. Everything was going well.

    Last week he began complaining a bit about his back…while at the same time admiring his newly developing biceps and abs. Then Monday he calls from the house…at 10 a.m. He left work in extreme low back pain. I took him to the ER and after 2 hours a physician’s assistant - NOT a doctor, finally looks at him…literally looks, never touches him…and says, “You’ve probably strained a muscle. Here’s drugs and an excuse for 2 days.” He barely touches the drugs. Doesn’t like them, says they do nothing but make him dizzy. Ice and pills and yesterday he’s back at work. He’d asked me to make a chiropractic appointment, so I did. He goes last night and Dr. says he needs X-rays and to get them today. Gives him another excuse for today. Son goes to the X-rays and takes them to the Dr…closed at 11 so he couldn't see him. So he now doesn’t know what to do. He’s genuinely in pain - (we expected a shot at the ER and he hates needles - if he was willing to do that, he's really hurting), he’s grouchy and he doesn’t want to make his back worse but is expected to work tomorrow. He also doesn’t want to lose his job but expects to. The day he left and went to the ER, they gave him another point! If he had called in and not shown up he wouldn’t have gotten one, because the Dr. note said to excuse him…but because he TRIED to work and left, they point him??? How stupid is that?? So he’s already up to 2 ½ points with only 3 weeks of work…he gets 5 a YEAR!

    He now says he’s going to visit his friend this Saturday and he won’t work overtime if they say he has to, because he simply HAS to get out of town. He doesn’t care if the long car drive makes his back worse. He doesn’t care that calling in will be 2 more points, making him have 4 ½ out of 5. He doesn’t care if they fire him. He’s going. This is irresponsible and makes me mad...but I kind of understand too. Everything seems to him to be falling apart and he just wants to have a nice weekend. Not that I agree...but I understand.

    On the up side, he’s mostly dropped all his friends here. He’s realized they are truly stupid kids and use him and he’s decided he has to find new ones. He even shut off his phone until I got the number changed so no one has it and can't bug him to do stuff with them.

    I just actually feel bad about this. He’s not at fault for his back. He’s 130 lbs, lifting boxes half his body weight repetitively, having never been a physical person. He basically went from 0 to 10 on physical labor overnight, and it was too much for him. He’s in actual pain and the Dr. is concerned he’s pinched a nerve or done something else. He’s actually been doing everything right. Working, going to counseling, being patient, trying to be more mature and change things.

    It actually seems like he can’t catch a break sometimes.
  2. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately things work that way sometimes. The difference is in seeing what you can and cannot change.

    He can't change his medical issues but he can find ways not to get more points. He could go to a Urgent Care or ER tonight and get an excuse for tomorrow as well as have the xrays read by the doctor. If nothing else they could give him a note that prevents him from lifting items.

    He can realize that this job is more important than the weekend away with friends. I realize he is probably bored and wanting his new friends around since he dropped the old ones. BUT this is no different than when kids go to college and they have to make new friends. It takes time and you don't get to blow off the important stuff because your lonely.

    He could make a lot of different choices but he really needs to think about them and be willing to face the consequences.

    It's a shame we can't make like easier for them. But considering he could be off at college having fun and chose to ruin that he has to live with what he has done to himself. If you want fun then do the right things and go have it. If you don't do the right things you pay the price and his boring, backbreaking job is that price.
  3. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    You aren't wrong. He's asked me to take him to urgent care when I get off work. Yes, he is perfectly capable of going himself, but I'll go if he wants. Of course, he only really wants to go because he hopes a doctor will give him an excuse until Monday. He's just been told that he is to work Saturday until 3 and he flatly refuses. Not that sitting in a car for 3 hours driving down where he's going is going to help his back any...but he can take breaks and walk around and at least he isn't lifting stuff and on his feet for hours...hard to say what's worse. All in all...this sucks. He's going to quit or get fired. I was wrong, the 5 points is in 3 months, then it ups to 13...but since he's about to be a 4 1/2 in 3 weeks...

    I wish I knew how much of this was real pain and how much is slacking...
  4. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    There is the difficult child we know and love! LOL

    It's his first job he will figure out sooner or later that they don't grow on trees and that what you think is bad could actually be good. We have a saying in the Army wives corp.....Nothing looks better than the duty station your going to until you get there and then nothing looks better than the one you just left. HEHE When push comes to shove most of us prefer the evil we know instead of the evil we don't. But it always seems like there is something better out there.

    PS there is no Army wives corp it's a running joke.
  5. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Yep. If he can't get the note, I hope he takes the points and lets himself get fired really. Missing work due to back problems is better than just quitting without notice when he explains it to future employers. Pity. This really was a pretty good job.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Q: When do you know when a difficult child is lying?
    A.: When they start making up reasons not to get a job or go to work :)

    Failure to launch, it's called. Sounds like something from NASA to me. If my son had said that and pulled me to ER with him, I would have assumed he was trying to get out of work because he wanted to do something else that day.

    Seriously, young adults (and, Lil, I mean maybe 30-50% of them, not just your son) do not understand how lucky they are to have good jobs. Where I work, it is maybe half very young adults and half over 40 or even over 50. Guess who never call in? Yep. The oldest ones, myself included. Haven't missed a day yet, even though I had a bad sciatica and my job is physical and I had to eat Ibprofens. The other older women are always there too.

    Guess who calls in with the sniffles? Well...yes, the younger set. They have a cough or a runny nose or they have a headache...you name it. It is usually on their weekend or on Monday, just after the weekend. The work ethic isn't there for many young adults, and most of them that I know don't live at home so I don't know what they do when they get axed or quit out of anger and entitlement. To me, it seems epidemic.

    Your son can't really put a two week job on his resume anyhow, so why he loses or quits his job doesn't matter.

    (Sigh) If only!!!! You finish that sentence :)

    Have a good night!
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    Last edited: Oct 9, 2014
  7. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    Lil my son is 25 and you would not believe how many jobs he has had and now...does not have...for oh, so many reasons. You simply can not make this stuff up. It is always something.

    The fact is your son did get a job. Yay! He has gone to work most days. Yay! If he quits or gets fired, he will take the consequences of that, and we pray, he will learn something to take with him to the next situation.

    Live and learn. I would stand back as much as is humanly possible and let things play out as they will. Let this be a life lesson for him.
  8. PennyFromTheBlock

    PennyFromTheBlock Active Member

    Oh this could so be my difficult child. Has had and lost many very good jobs. Missing work. This excuse that excuse. You know why I think he did? Because he didn't have to pay rent. Him not working wouldn't make the lights go off. Or water. Or cable. Or phone. Now me? I've gone to work sick/sore all my adult life because the sick leave I did earn I held and saved to use for my kids if THEY got sick. I was the breadwinner. I couldn't AFFORD to lose a job. My difficult child? God bless him he'd get entitled, didn't like the way 'someone talked to him', didn't feel good, was tired, didn't like night shift, didn't like day shift, didn't like working in the heat, didn't like working in the cold.

    Almost 2 months out from seeing him (but boy have I had to talk to him)- in the 'quiet' of my life, I realize how much HIS drama drained ME. I'd lose sleep over HIM while he lost sleep over NOTHING!

    Lil, I hope it gets better. I really do.
  9. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Thanks ladies...I know I obsess about his job a bit. I just SO am ready for him to have his own money and MOVE. lol. In all honesty, if things were always as good as they've been the last week - pre-injury - I'd be perfectly happy. I do miss having the house to just hubby and me. Failure to launch is right...as is the fact that he doesn't "need" money. I lost my mom when I was in law school. Dad had to move in with relatives and I had to fend for myself. I always worked summers, but I remember being desperate for work and terrified I'd be working fast food and starving with my law degree. Got a job right before the Bar exam. Whew....disaster averted. I've had exactly two jobs since age 24.

    So anyway, Urgent Care. We went. They took MORE X-rays. Because God knows they couldn't look at the X-rays I had IN MY HAND...no, they have to have them digitally sent to a radiologist at the hospital. Grrr. In the end, the nurse practitioner - still not a doctor but the first person to actually LOOK at the kid - said, no obvious injury but mild scoliosis and...get this...ARTHRITIS! My 19 year old child has freaking arthritis in his lower back. I'm 50, have had back problems for 20 years, and have never been told I have arthritis! Apparently, poor posture can contribute to arthritis. Who knew? I've been smacking that boy on his back for years and telling him to sit up straight...never took.

    Anyways...She gave him a note through the weekend, some anti-inflammatory medications, a steroid and a muscle relaxant. He's going to take his excuses (no pun intended) to work tomorrow, get his check, go to the chiropractor, and then go visit his friend. I'm not too happy about that, but other than a bit too much time sitting, he's not going to be doing anything strenuous, so better than working, not as good as staying home.

    At least the notes should keep him from getting points. He should still have a job come Monday morning. And hopefully, they'll leave him on a less heavy-lifting job.

    And hubby and I get the house to ourselves this weekend. :couple:
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2014
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Lil...be naughty! ;)