Just now got this text from Young difficult child...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by lovemysons, Oct 18, 2013.

  1. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    "I accidentally hurt myself real bad and am in the hospital."

    I have texted him to ask "what did you hurt and where are you?"

    I am so fed up with this day with difficult child...
    I have spoken with his PO today and she was to give him a list of shelters and food banks job opportunities for Felons etc. She said that because he was in the psychiatric hospital and dxd with severe depression they can do nothing further. Now if it was Bipolar or Schitzophrenia than they could have gotten him on a special case load and put into a halfway house. But his situation is apparently/was apparently not dire enough for her.
    And now this...

    I am worried about difficult child but not surprised.
    The last thing I texted to him earlier was to be "proactive rather than reactive"...and then his dad had a bit of a pep talk with him repeating over and over again..."You can do this". You can step up and take care of your business."

    Meanwhile, I am feeling depressed.
    I am still taking medicine from my procedure yesterday (Novasure and DNC) and I think it is adversly affecting my Bipolar medications, I dunno. I just feel very down but I am not in very much physical pain at all though.

    difficult child just texted me again and told me he will call me when he is in his "room" (at the hospital).
    SO I wait to hear what he has done now.

    Thank you all for your care especially during this time. It's been a long year.
  2. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    I am so furious!

    I have now put a call into his PO and left her the message after getting the name of the hospital from difficult child. I sure hope she stands up and takes notice now about how SERIOUS the situation is!
    Meanwhile I have also spoken with the staff at the Emergency Room where difficult child is and let them know that I believe whatever wounds he has are self-inflicted!

    Now I wait.
    God how I hope he gets help.
    husband does not want to go the hospital. He says this is just one more way to get us in front of him and demand that we continue to enable him.
    I am so conflicted.
  3. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wow, LMS, this is a tough one. I know that your mama heart is worried that he his hurt badly and want to go to him. On the other hand, my difficult child uses illness or injury whenever she is trying to get something from us so I completely understand why your husband doesn't want to fall into the trap.

    How about a compromise? Wait at home until you receive more information from the hospital about what has happened. Then you can decide if this is just a play for attention or to get you to enable him.

    How sad that we have to think like this.


  4. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    I am worried sick...I don't know what comes next.

    He called me and wanted us to come and get him. He claims he was hit by a car! He also sounded like he is on heavy medication and said they would not release him without a ride.
    Then, when I told him infatically that he needs more Pysch help...he got angry and when I reminded him of how old he is and the family he has he told me that in other countries kids still live at home that are his age.
    I also reminded him of the fact that I am recovering from a procedure just yesterday and he told me "ya you and your problems call someone who cares".

    I can't do anything further for him.
    He is not himself.
    I am waiting for ER Dr to call me if they're going to.
    Kathy thank you for responding so quickly.

    I am sick of being yanked around. That is what this is isn't it?
  5. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yes, LMS, I'm afraid that is exactly what this is. Quite honestly, the second your difficult child said to you "ya you and your problems call someone who cares" I would have hung up the phone and let him find his own way home.

    How dare he. I know that you are worried but I am just mad that he is treating you so badly. At our NAMI meetings, we were told that mental illness does not mean that your loved one gets to treat you badly or abuse you.

    I wish I was there to give you a big hug. My offer to slap your difficult child still holds.

  6. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Thank you Kathy.

    He is being abusive. I am going to hand this over to God now.
    I will post more tomorrow when I know more.

    I am tired...but will probably not sleep much.
    Hugs back to you my friend,
  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh LMS I am so sorry. I want you to start taking care of yourself and for him to grow up. I agree with Kathy I am very angry with him also. And I know you are conflicted and afraid to walk away but that may be what you finally need to do.
  8. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    LMS...I am sorry he is putting you through this. I wouldn't believe anything he says without hearing from the hospital...call and leave a message from the social worker and say that you are getting these requests from your son and that you won't do anything unless you hear directly from the hospital. Obviously they won't call you without his permission but at least they will know you won't be just picking him up.
  9. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Oh I am so sorry. He has no right to treat you that way! He is a grown man with a family - he needs to pull it together and he is the only one that can do that. I hope something intervenes and gives him the help he needs. Take care of you...
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I am also so sorry. They never stop getting us to worry about them yet we do have to realize that worrying and enabling doesn't help.

    Does anyone's difficult child care if they are having a problem? I think extreme "ME-NESS" is part of being a difficult child. If I tell 35 I am having a very hard time he will say, "That's too bad. What I'm going through is worse so I don't want to hear about it."

    It is so hard to let go, but what other choice do we have?
  11. comatheart

    comatheart Active Member

    Wow, I missed something!? Going to go back and read up. I am so sorry! Sounds like he's being very manipulative. Is hospital not giving you information? Maybe they'll release info to daughter in law? (Sorry, if you already answered this, like I said I need to read up) (((HUGS)))
  12. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Hugs to you. I'm so sorry you have to endure this.

    difficult children can certainly be drama queens!
  13. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Thank you all for the support and care,

    I never heard from a Dr at the ER last night. difficult child called me one last time to yell at me though because apparently he did find out that I made a call up to the hospital and told them what I thought.
    I am done supporting difficult child at this time.

    daughter in law is on her way over to pick up money for Halloween costumes. At least I can help the grandbabies along the way.

    I am tired of giving only to be kicked in the teeth by difficult child.
    Enough is enough,
  14. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    {{{hugs}}} sweet friend. You are absolutely doing the right thing. But that doesn't make it hurt any less. Stay strong, be good to yourself. XO
  15. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    You know what jumped out at me reading your post? How eager parents of difficult children are to seek resolution! Remember the "old days", Tammy, when you and I and others here would jump in the car in the middle of the night and go "save" our difficult children from the dangerous situations THEY willingly placed themselves in? (Just realized, lol, that's lousy grammar!)

    Many times we placed ourselves in danger in order to get them home and safe. The blood pressure mounted with fear and sometimes it took a few hours after "the crisis" for us to be able to breath again...and stop shaking from panic thinking what "could have been".

    This post of yours sounds like you have been sucked back into that mode. You know that you can't go pick him up now. You know that you have immediate health needs of your own. You know that HE is focused on HIM. You know that you and your husband can not sacrafice more years of your life for difficult child...BUT you're hoping for a quick answer, a way to know that he is safe, a professional who will assure you that he is not alone.

    My dear friend, you know that I have no evil intentions, but you need to disconnect the phone NOW. Let go. Let God. He will not "get well" talking with you. You, on the other hand, need to change your focus to you, husband, easy child and contributing to the happiness of your grandchildren. Give your phone to husband or hide it away so you can not see messages or calls. Facing himself is something that difficult child HAS to do and while he is safely in the hospital may be the perfect time for you to take the next step in detachment. I promise my prayers and thoughts remain with you. DDD
  16. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    You are so right DDD,

    He is trying to make me panic "for" him!
    He is out of the hospital now and called me last night from a motel lobby (supposibly).
    He said he was sorry for yelling at me the night before.

    I opened some mail up yesterday and found a notice for him to pay a "No Insurance" ticket...it is over $300. We are not paying for it and it states clearly that a warrant will be put out for his arrest if not paid promptly.

    difficult child also wants to leave his truck at our place. I suggested he leave it at daughter in law's. He took a Title Loan out on his truck some time ago...He claims he called the Title Loan place on Friday and that they were giving him another month to pay his $400 to settle that loan.

    He asked me "What do I do mom?"
    My answer, "Go through the packet of resources that your PO gave you and start making phone calls for help. This packet is supposed to have info on shelters, jobs for Felon's, etc.

    He said he would call me back today.
    I am tempted to not answer my phone.
    Honestly, at this point, going back to prison is his best bet!
    There, he would be sober, have food and shelter...and did I mention, BE SOBER!

    He has given up SO SO much in search of his drugs/alcohol. I feel that this past year (really 10 yrs) is enough for husband and I to give. You are right, my sweetheart of a easy child daughter and husband and the grandchildren...they're the one's that can benefit most from my love, time, energy and efforts.

    I am going to stop taking calls from difficult child as you said.
    I am going to hope that difficult child gets locked up again soon. How sad that THAT is what it has come down to...but he must be stopped!

    Thank you all for the support and care,
    I love our CD board. You guys are the best!!!
  17. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    God bless you, {{{hugs}}}
  18. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    I must be the weakest link.

    I said I wasn't going to take anymore calls from difficult child and yet yesterday when he left 3 messages on my phone I finally took the 4th call. He is at a hospital AGAIN! This time claiming he can't urinate...says they are going to do a Cat Scan, I believe, on his back (can't do MRI because of his Pacemaker). Or, they are going to do a procedure that would basically be day surgery.
    So here I am...back in the loop with difficult child.

    difficult child also claims that he spoke with a psychiatrist in this new hospital. Told him his life story etc. He said asked the Dr what was wrong with him and the Dr said..."You have something that no pill can cure, a personality disorder, you need to see a therapist once a week and talk about your problems, what does and doesn't work in your life, grow up and get on your feet." difficult child said this gave him some hope actually...that he "has something that no pill can fix".

    I think difficult child wants me to come see him at the hospital. My car is not working at the moment so I would be dependent on husband when he gets home from work and then bowling...as husband is still the head bowling coach for highschoolers.

    I don't know what is going to happen next. He keeps upping the ante.
    husband says it's like our oldest was when we were first trying to break him from sleeping in our bed as a toddler. He is banging on the crib, screaming, DEMANDING, that we continue on as we have.

    I know I need to be stronger. I wish I wasn't always the one difficult child leans on.
    I still feel weak and very emotional since the procedure...really the day before of the procedure.

    difficult child will be 25 in 4 months.
    How much longer can this craziness go on? I need to make this stop.
    I am afraid of the "bottom". I am afraid it will mean death. I have got to stop projecting the worst.

  19. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    You are not weak you are human! What you chose to do with him is the choice you have to make. I would be tempted to do something like ToughLovin is doing with her son. Send him the questions while he is in the hospital. Let him know that now the psychiatrist has given him hope he needs to use that hope to make some changes.

    Don't kill yourself getting there when you can't. If you want to visit make a plan for a day and time and then do but don't go running to him. he needs to learn that you have a life to and you can't drop everything everytime he wants.
  20. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Thank you dstc,

    He is calling over and over again. He is trying to claim that we helped his brother more than him...which is not true. He is trying to say whatever he can think of to get back into our house and have me take care of him.
    I can't do it anymore.
    easy child reminded me that "enabling is crippling".

    I am sad...and I can feel the umbilical chord being cut. But it is time.
    We cannot continue to do for him all the while he is looking for his next "fix" "victim" etc.