Nothing really new to report about my difficult child. (Background: found out a couple months ago he was using, after an awful year of him acting like a complete jackass. Kicked him out of the house shortly thereafter and cut off all money. He moved in with his father. Much drama ensued, aimed at me, and I ended up cutting off his phone, changing my own phone # and sending his emails to a black hole where I have to make a deliberate effort to get to read them.) But what I'm discovering is that I am just plain angry at him, and want him to go away and leave me alone for a good long while. Right now, several years seems about right. I don't even want to know whether he's cleaning himself up - I just am done. He sends the occasional very polite email asking me for stuff, most of which I've ignored. The most recent one is asking for a picture of his grandfather (my dad). I was getting ready to send it to him anyway, since it was up on his wall, along with a bunch of mail, but the minute he asked I lost all interest in doing so, and am holding on to everything until I am good and ready to send it. Maybe a week or two. Just so he doesn't think we're actually communicating. (I never said I wasn't childish.) I'm still having trouble with anxiety attacks, triggered by evidence a couple of weeks ago of a possible break-in. Has anyone else gone through this? I am just so hurt and angry by all the stupid, abusive, aggressive behavior and speech directed at me over the last year. If I'm honest, I'm actually angry about all the stupid and unnecessary aggression and abuse I've put up with from him his whole life, particularly since he was about 11 and had his first run in with the law (his first felony - I was so proud -puke-). I really just want a break from having him in my life. I know he'll get his **** together sometime, and I want to get to know him again after that, but I'm just not interested at all in participating in all the ups and downs until he gets there. I feel like I paid my dues in that regard and then some. Am I just a colossal *****, or is this something that other people go through?