We kicked M out 3 weeks ago (due to continued use , missing curfew and telling my husband FU), and it doesn't seem to faze him. His 3 grandparents do not get that helping him is not the answer. They all took him out to dinner last night has gone to his Aunts for dinners, and found out my mother in law is doing his wash. He has been living with different friends and I hear he is looking for his own place. I know he can't afford anything, but know he has to learn that. I go back in my head and try to figure out how my older son is so responsible and heading in great directions, and where I went wrong with M. I know my guilt does not have the answers for all the problems at hand right now, I'm just so tired and can't sleep. My 14 year old daughter has been my biggest concern right now, because she has seen so much, but won't talk about it with me or anyone else. I just needed to vent to those who know how I feel. None of my friends understand this. I started to see a councelor, but she wants me to focus on me. I don't know how to focus on me when my son is drowning and doesn't want the help. I cry every day when nobody is around and put on a happy face when my daughter gets home from school. I feel so lost and feel like I did something wrong when raising my son. He was always the quite kid, so maybe I never really knew him like I thought. from the time our kids are born all we want to do is protect them, I just want him home safe and sound and know that won't happen. Thank you for taking the time to read this.