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Just tired
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<blockquote data-quote="So Tired" data-source="post: 177174" data-attributes="member: 4772"><p>Tee - your daughter sounds so much like my son! For so many years jumped through hoops trying to make him happy. I probably would have drove him the 4 hour drive! But somewhere along the way I realized that he was like a black hole, sucking all my phyical and emotional energy away, and still he was not happy. Not only that, but the last few years he has spent telling me that his problems are all my fault because I was such a bad mother! (Owch!)</p><p> </p><p>Now I realize his inablily to deal with life's little dissapointments are part of his bigger problem of just having little to no coping skills. I have tried repeatedly to get him the help he so desperately needs, but I can't help him if he refuses to want to help himself. </p><p> </p><p>I think that for these kids, they are so unhappy in themselves that all their happiness is tied up in something -- an event like the concert that they "need" to go to, or the latest greatest thing that they absolutely have to spend their very last dime on. And then when that doesn't bring them the happiness they are looking for, it is on to the next "gotta have it" item.</p><p> </p><p>You have done your best tee -- don't get caught up in trying to "make" her happy because only she is in control of that. One of the things that helped me detach is something I read here. I can't remember who said it but when their difficult child calls about the latest, greatest problem they said they make appropriate "clucking" noises without offering help or a solution. Along the lines of "that's too bad" and "I'm so sorry" (which you are) without jumping in to "fix" the problem. I have tried to remember this and it has helped me detach from what is basically difficult child's problem. It has helped me from being dragged down the swirling vortex of difficult child's problems!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="So Tired, post: 177174, member: 4772"] Tee - your daughter sounds so much like my son! For so many years jumped through hoops trying to make him happy. I probably would have drove him the 4 hour drive! But somewhere along the way I realized that he was like a black hole, sucking all my phyical and emotional energy away, and still he was not happy. Not only that, but the last few years he has spent telling me that his problems are all my fault because I was such a bad mother! (Owch!) Now I realize his inablily to deal with life's little dissapointments are part of his bigger problem of just having little to no coping skills. I have tried repeatedly to get him the help he so desperately needs, but I can't help him if he refuses to want to help himself. I think that for these kids, they are so unhappy in themselves that all their happiness is tied up in something -- an event like the concert that they "need" to go to, or the latest greatest thing that they absolutely have to spend their very last dime on. And then when that doesn't bring them the happiness they are looking for, it is on to the next "gotta have it" item. You have done your best tee -- don't get caught up in trying to "make" her happy because only she is in control of that. One of the things that helped me detach is something I read here. I can't remember who said it but when their difficult child calls about the latest, greatest problem they said they make appropriate "clucking" noises without offering help or a solution. Along the lines of "that's too bad" and "I'm so sorry" (which you are) without jumping in to "fix" the problem. I have tried to remember this and it has helped me detach from what is basically difficult child's problem. It has helped me from being dragged down the swirling vortex of difficult child's problems! [/QUOTE]
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