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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 267160" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>This is exactly what I think, too. What worries me is knowing how they are over there- when difficult child nears his release date, there is no discussion about what we need at home. There are orders and if I've signed this thing, I can be taken to court for not following them. Everyone outside Department of Juvenile Justice agrees that difficult child and I need family therapy prior to his coming home. The parole officer says that it's up to the facility difficult child gets placed in. The way this is headed, difficult child will just get released one day with nothing changed between us except he'll be coming home with more demands on both of us from Department of Juvenile Justice. Signing the darn agreement was exactly how the PO could order whatever and hold over my head that difficult child was alloowed to be home on probation due to my agreement to "work with them" so I'd be taken before judge if I didn't do whatever she ordered.</p><p></p><p>If it was a situation where the "orders" from the parole officer were going to be discussed with me first, before putting them in place, it would be different. If it was a situation where they ever bothered to ask exactly what kind of problems we had at home/between us that needed addressing, that would be different, too. But they don';t do that here. They treat the parents of kids in Department of Juvenile Justice the same as if the parent is charged with neglect or something and order the parents to do ABC and tell you they don't care how much hardship it causes.</p><p></p><p>I understand that this guy can't know just yet what difficult child will need when he comes home- but I can't agree, discuss, or disagree until I know either. Plus, they are supposed to set up a transitional plan- do they really? From what he said before, it doesn't look like they do. Then, that makes me think difficult child should be released to a group home for his/our transitional period. If they ever plan to discuss that, I'd like to know when. I don't think they will discuss it if they think I'll just sign whatever agreement, then take whatever orders he gives out. Some of it wouldn't be such a concern for me if difficult child had committed a different type of offense. But given how bad both our emotional states had gotten and his offense for pulling the knife at on me, I think it is only reasonable for me to make sure they are taking into account that we need to work thru some problems or this could end up being a bigger disaster.</p><p></p><p>Someone (Crazy, I think) had a suggestion on my previous thread about writing on the agreement that I will make every effort to work with them, but cannot guarantee that I will be able to meet every demand, or something to that effect. I don't know if he'll let me do that or not. Anyway, from what I read, this "order" the parent without discussion of needs or feasability is standard iin this state, but I have a feeling I get it worse because of my label. This is just another straw in the basket for moving to another area.</p><p></p><p>difficult child called this morning ( he only gets 5 mins on the phone) so I guess he behaved well this past week again. So far so good on that count.</p><p></p><p>Jen: 88 degrees right now- expected to hit 90 over the next couple of days!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 267160, member: 3699"] This is exactly what I think, too. What worries me is knowing how they are over there- when difficult child nears his release date, there is no discussion about what we need at home. There are orders and if I've signed this thing, I can be taken to court for not following them. Everyone outside Department of Juvenile Justice agrees that difficult child and I need family therapy prior to his coming home. The parole officer says that it's up to the facility difficult child gets placed in. The way this is headed, difficult child will just get released one day with nothing changed between us except he'll be coming home with more demands on both of us from Department of Juvenile Justice. Signing the darn agreement was exactly how the PO could order whatever and hold over my head that difficult child was alloowed to be home on probation due to my agreement to "work with them" so I'd be taken before judge if I didn't do whatever she ordered. If it was a situation where the "orders" from the parole officer were going to be discussed with me first, before putting them in place, it would be different. If it was a situation where they ever bothered to ask exactly what kind of problems we had at home/between us that needed addressing, that would be different, too. But they don';t do that here. They treat the parents of kids in Department of Juvenile Justice the same as if the parent is charged with neglect or something and order the parents to do ABC and tell you they don't care how much hardship it causes. I understand that this guy can't know just yet what difficult child will need when he comes home- but I can't agree, discuss, or disagree until I know either. Plus, they are supposed to set up a transitional plan- do they really? From what he said before, it doesn't look like they do. Then, that makes me think difficult child should be released to a group home for his/our transitional period. If they ever plan to discuss that, I'd like to know when. I don't think they will discuss it if they think I'll just sign whatever agreement, then take whatever orders he gives out. Some of it wouldn't be such a concern for me if difficult child had committed a different type of offense. But given how bad both our emotional states had gotten and his offense for pulling the knife at on me, I think it is only reasonable for me to make sure they are taking into account that we need to work thru some problems or this could end up being a bigger disaster. Someone (Crazy, I think) had a suggestion on my previous thread about writing on the agreement that I will make every effort to work with them, but cannot guarantee that I will be able to meet every demand, or something to that effect. I don't know if he'll let me do that or not. Anyway, from what I read, this "order" the parent without discussion of needs or feasability is standard iin this state, but I have a feeling I get it worse because of my label. This is just another straw in the basket for moving to another area. difficult child called this morning ( he only gets 5 mins on the phone) so I guess he behaved well this past week again. So far so good on that count. Jen: 88 degrees right now- expected to hit 90 over the next couple of days! [/QUOTE]
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