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<blockquote data-quote="bluebell" data-source="post: 635107" data-attributes="member: 16761"><p>So many good points and advice! MWM, I have a 14 yo daughter but yes, the point is the same, she does not need to see the violence or substance abuse. She has already been affected a great deal by these events as it is. </p><p></p><p>All of this has been legally difficult when he was a minor, but now we have options and will not live this way any longer. We have told difficult child as such. I honestly don't think this is manipulation because he is getting nothing from us right now, besides the basics of life. I don't think he can fathom that we would actually kick him out (although he should!), so I don't think he's being good to 'stay'. Usually his manipulation manifests itself in lots of talking, and he is strangely silent. I think he's about run out of options in the crowd he's hanging with, he could always find another. </p><p></p><p>He had about 10 or 15 kids over when the incident happened - and I haven't seen or known him to be around but a couple of them since. Can you imagine what they must have thought about that horrific scene? He's never had a real girlfriend and there were several that day, beautiful girls in swimsuits enjoying the pool. They had brought burgers and charcoal - it looked like an idyllic teenage scene - the reason we put in a pool many years ago. Except for the alcohol. And he was adamant that this 'hangout' was going to happen whether we liked it or not - he would not tell them to leave or that they had to remove the alcohol. Needless to say, noone comes to our house anymore, news gets around fast, I'm sure they think he is bat**** crazy (or we are? who knows about teenagers these days)! He is living squarely in the shadow of his bad deeds as well. I don't think SA is his primary problem either - all of his stunts have revolved around not being able to solve problems. He has gone for months at a time with no substance abuse - when he was younger and we had him on lockdown or living elsewhere. But he's young and the self-medicating episodes could turn into something much more sinister. </p><p></p><p>My son is just like yours BennieB, he gets discouraged and gives up on everything way too soon, and considers himself an 'outsider' in our family. He has put himself there. Oh I could write a book. We'll see what happens if the judge makes him uncomfortable, might blow the whole thing out of the water....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="bluebell, post: 635107, member: 16761"] So many good points and advice! MWM, I have a 14 yo daughter but yes, the point is the same, she does not need to see the violence or substance abuse. She has already been affected a great deal by these events as it is. All of this has been legally difficult when he was a minor, but now we have options and will not live this way any longer. We have told difficult child as such. I honestly don't think this is manipulation because he is getting nothing from us right now, besides the basics of life. I don't think he can fathom that we would actually kick him out (although he should!), so I don't think he's being good to 'stay'. Usually his manipulation manifests itself in lots of talking, and he is strangely silent. I think he's about run out of options in the crowd he's hanging with, he could always find another. He had about 10 or 15 kids over when the incident happened - and I haven't seen or known him to be around but a couple of them since. Can you imagine what they must have thought about that horrific scene? He's never had a real girlfriend and there were several that day, beautiful girls in swimsuits enjoying the pool. They had brought burgers and charcoal - it looked like an idyllic teenage scene - the reason we put in a pool many years ago. Except for the alcohol. And he was adamant that this 'hangout' was going to happen whether we liked it or not - he would not tell them to leave or that they had to remove the alcohol. Needless to say, noone comes to our house anymore, news gets around fast, I'm sure they think he is bat**** crazy (or we are? who knows about teenagers these days)! He is living squarely in the shadow of his bad deeds as well. I don't think SA is his primary problem either - all of his stunts have revolved around not being able to solve problems. He has gone for months at a time with no substance abuse - when he was younger and we had him on lockdown or living elsewhere. But he's young and the self-medicating episodes could turn into something much more sinister. My son is just like yours BennieB, he gets discouraged and gives up on everything way too soon, and considers himself an 'outsider' in our family. He has put himself there. Oh I could write a book. We'll see what happens if the judge makes him uncomfortable, might blow the whole thing out of the water.... [/QUOTE]
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