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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 420305" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>We've had Dude in several (sadly) Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s etc. here in SC, and yes...the numbers of parents that 'dump and party' are ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. Matter of fact, truth be known - we (DF and I) were one of a VERY few, and select number of Mother and Father parents that were actually considered a P.I.T.A. - can you believe that? Even overheard the staff call us that on three known occasions with our own ears. Why? Oh several reasons. One? Because their staff couldn't 'do as they pleased', we held them accountable for the behavioral program we all outlined, they had to live up to their GOALS (OMG I am nearly so sick of that word I could puke) - because the follow through in nearly non-existant. We would pick Dude up once a week and DRIVE him to therapy 20 miles away and did they EVER have him ready? No. Taking a child off campus required so many BS things - written pass from the campus director, house mother, blah blah blah - and 1/2 the time when we got there? They were in crisis over being understaffed and chasing down one to two runaways. It was ludicrous. I can tell you stories about Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s here in SC that are so benign it would curl the straightest hair - hence the fact that I am a PITA. I also had Dude removed from three placements AMA, and never sued. </p><p> </p><p>But while in their care? So many things happened that WE ACTUALLY QUESTIONED. Concussions, broken bones, chokings, stolen items, staff quitting, non-compliance, running away. I mean I sound like I am painting a VERY bleak picture here, and perhaps in a way here in SC I am, because Residential Treatment Center (RTC) didn't help us in hind sight, it gave US (DF and I a needed break) but we did what we were told by the 'professionals'. Thinking - THINKING it was the best thing at the time for Dude. Each and every placement was BETTER than the last one, we were promised by the state. Finally when we said NO MORE. They offered foster care. Fact was - No way could Dude live at home. He needed a contained environment. He was dangerous, and destructive. Without Residential Treatment Center (RTC) he would probably be in prison or dead. So it did serve a purpose. </p><p> </p><p>Sadly - each time we would pick him up - which was three times a week when he was here in town, and at least once a week out of town - when therapy agreed to it. The kids would just latch on to us. Beg you to stay, could we play - do something? When Dude got older? We were still PITA parents, but by then most kids are teens and don't WANT parents around and are GLAD no be off in their cliques. Still Dude would tell us no ones parents came once a week - no ones. Some hadn't seen their parents in months. So maybe in retrospect at LEAST going every chance we were allowed? Left him knowing "We WERE there for him...even when I felt so guilty I couldn't stand it, and cried so often when I left it made me sick." I HATED those times. So did DF - he really was at a loss for what to do for me. Some days I was inconsolable. Some days I left knowing I did the best thing I could, but that's hard you know. Nothing ever seemed right even if it was. You're a parent, those are our kids - you certainly didn't have them to leave them with someone else - you want them well, you want them at home. </p><p> </p><p>So yeah J3, it's amazing to me how parents just drop them off there - I can get a little bit of it - Especially if the parents arent' getting any help, therapy or anything or are told to get therapy and refuse with a closed mind thinking - It's not me - it's them. Well, yeah - partly right, but what happens when the kid comes home? You couldn't parent her/him then - what happens later? You need a coach, support - who do you turn to then? We went as often as we could, we WANTED our family to work. Apparently and hopefully all our hard work will pay off. It's a gamble, but I'd way rather know the work I did, in therapy for myself, and family - was tried...than not, and that we visited and worked with staff at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) - and showed Dude we were trying. He'll remember that. I know he will. So will those kids that have NO support and NO family visits. Some times it's impossible - and for us when it was to get there? We did phone conferences. </p><p> </p><p>We even took extra stuff on visits for other kids too - books, paper, pens, clothes - Dude would tell us who had nothing, and no one - and we'd do what we could - it meant a lot believe it or not to those kids. We never got to see them beacuse of HIPA - but a little love goes a long way in a scary place when you're all alone. </p><p> </p><p>You have a great heart to recognize this with the other kids. You're a WONDERFUL MOM. My hugs, loves and prayers are with Kanga as always. </p><p> </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 420305, member: 4964"] We've had Dude in several (sadly) Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s etc. here in SC, and yes...the numbers of parents that 'dump and party' are ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. Matter of fact, truth be known - we (DF and I) were one of a VERY few, and select number of Mother and Father parents that were actually considered a P.I.T.A. - can you believe that? Even overheard the staff call us that on three known occasions with our own ears. Why? Oh several reasons. One? Because their staff couldn't 'do as they pleased', we held them accountable for the behavioral program we all outlined, they had to live up to their GOALS (OMG I am nearly so sick of that word I could puke) - because the follow through in nearly non-existant. We would pick Dude up once a week and DRIVE him to therapy 20 miles away and did they EVER have him ready? No. Taking a child off campus required so many BS things - written pass from the campus director, house mother, blah blah blah - and 1/2 the time when we got there? They were in crisis over being understaffed and chasing down one to two runaways. It was ludicrous. I can tell you stories about Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s here in SC that are so benign it would curl the straightest hair - hence the fact that I am a PITA. I also had Dude removed from three placements AMA, and never sued. But while in their care? So many things happened that WE ACTUALLY QUESTIONED. Concussions, broken bones, chokings, stolen items, staff quitting, non-compliance, running away. I mean I sound like I am painting a VERY bleak picture here, and perhaps in a way here in SC I am, because Residential Treatment Center (RTC) didn't help us in hind sight, it gave US (DF and I a needed break) but we did what we were told by the 'professionals'. Thinking - THINKING it was the best thing at the time for Dude. Each and every placement was BETTER than the last one, we were promised by the state. Finally when we said NO MORE. They offered foster care. Fact was - No way could Dude live at home. He needed a contained environment. He was dangerous, and destructive. Without Residential Treatment Center (RTC) he would probably be in prison or dead. So it did serve a purpose. Sadly - each time we would pick him up - which was three times a week when he was here in town, and at least once a week out of town - when therapy agreed to it. The kids would just latch on to us. Beg you to stay, could we play - do something? When Dude got older? We were still PITA parents, but by then most kids are teens and don't WANT parents around and are GLAD no be off in their cliques. Still Dude would tell us no ones parents came once a week - no ones. Some hadn't seen their parents in months. So maybe in retrospect at LEAST going every chance we were allowed? Left him knowing "We WERE there for him...even when I felt so guilty I couldn't stand it, and cried so often when I left it made me sick." I HATED those times. So did DF - he really was at a loss for what to do for me. Some days I was inconsolable. Some days I left knowing I did the best thing I could, but that's hard you know. Nothing ever seemed right even if it was. You're a parent, those are our kids - you certainly didn't have them to leave them with someone else - you want them well, you want them at home. So yeah J3, it's amazing to me how parents just drop them off there - I can get a little bit of it - Especially if the parents arent' getting any help, therapy or anything or are told to get therapy and refuse with a closed mind thinking - It's not me - it's them. Well, yeah - partly right, but what happens when the kid comes home? You couldn't parent her/him then - what happens later? You need a coach, support - who do you turn to then? We went as often as we could, we WANTED our family to work. Apparently and hopefully all our hard work will pay off. It's a gamble, but I'd way rather know the work I did, in therapy for myself, and family - was tried...than not, and that we visited and worked with staff at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) - and showed Dude we were trying. He'll remember that. I know he will. So will those kids that have NO support and NO family visits. Some times it's impossible - and for us when it was to get there? We did phone conferences. We even took extra stuff on visits for other kids too - books, paper, pens, clothes - Dude would tell us who had nothing, and no one - and we'd do what we could - it meant a lot believe it or not to those kids. We never got to see them beacuse of HIPA - but a little love goes a long way in a scary place when you're all alone. You have a great heart to recognize this with the other kids. You're a WONDERFUL MOM. My hugs, loves and prayers are with Kanga as always. Star [/QUOTE]
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