Just wanted to give hope (long)

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Terryforvols, Apr 10, 2007.

  1. Terryforvols

    Terryforvols Member

    I have not posted in a while, but come on just to check on everyone's progress. I feel like I have received so much support from just reading this board, not even counting the times I posted during the depths of our H*** with difficult child starting in 2005, that I wanted to give hope to anyone that may be a new poster. Right now, since late fall 2006, we have been in a wonderful, peaceful place.

    To recap, our difficult child spent from 3/05-11/05 in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and other than a short-lived (but problematic) relapse, she has done great. Unfortunately, her relapse caused her some legal problems (which she had managed to avoid previously) and a night in jail, which seemed to really have scared her. She continues to live in TX with her fiance, and decided ON HER OWN, to go back to college and try to get a teaching degree!!! husband and I had decided long ago not to mention school again (she tried at 18 and 20 while on drugs -- obviously, it did not work) and she had just been working customer service jobs. I think she realized that she needed more than a HS degree to make it, but that was not our call. The maturity between college at 18 and 22 is incredible; she sits in the front of the room, asks for help, etc., and is making an A average. We are so proud! She got a large loan that pays for school and living expenses, gave it to husband and me to give her "living" $$ every week (so she won't go through it all at once -- like mother like daughter -- if it's there, she'll spend it). She actually takes care of her bills, etc., without being badgered, just has become so much more responsible. But the greatest thing is that the young woman I knew was buried deep inside due to drugs is out. It is truly a JOY to talk with her on the phone, I used to dread it because there was always a problem, lie, etc. I love talking to her and I am experiencing this child that had been "gone" basically since she started drugs at 16 years old. Now, she still faces legal consequences for her actions, but walks the line she needs to walk and hopefully will come away with probation. She actually doesn't blame anyone but herself for her situation, which is also a change in personality.

    Anyway, I may have jinxed us, but have decided if the worst happens again, I have had these joyous months of peace!! For those of you out there who are suffering, I have been there done that and know where you are. I NEVER thought we would survive it, and our marriage almost didn't, or that we would have her back again, but with LOTS of work on HER part and the long-term Residential Treatment Center (RTC), time has healed a lot of wounds. husband and I will be working until 80 because all of our retirement went to her Residential Treatment Center (RTC), but to save her and be where we are now, I would do it again in a heartbeat. Finally, I know that God and our faith is what pulled us and her through. I feel like I have truly experienced faith like never before.

    This board is great, just knowing the stories and that there is hope out there is wonderful!!
  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    :bravo: :smile: :bravo:

    :smile:I am THRILLED for all of you! :smile:

    Suz :princess:
  3. Irene_J

    Irene_J New Member

    I understand and am happy for you. My difficult child made a turnaround as well and is now in community college and working part-time while living at home.

    Just like in your situation, the desire to change had to come from her, and it was then that the assistance we can provide could do some good.

    My difficult child as well recognizes she is not good with finances and I hold her debit card. She pays all her own expenses.

    You are right to live in the moment, or else we would never have any joy. And you are right about this board, in good times and bad, it is a lifesaver.
  4. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    Terry I agree that God alone can help ant. I sit back and watch it happen in his life. good stuff, lessons being taught, people coming and going. boyfriend helping ant and ant calling him for advice even when ant is not speaking to me.

    God has a plan for sure. I know my part of it is to be more trusting and patient.
  5. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Great update!!! :bravo: -RM
  6. KFld

    KFld New Member

    What a wonderful update. You must be so proud. My difficult child is a recovering addict, 6 months clean and doing great for today. I hope someday I can post that he is still doing well for as long as your daughter has.

    I'm sure this post will give a lot of people hope.

    thanks for the update.
  7. Terryforvols

    Terryforvols Member

    Your difficult child and mine have been clean for 6 months. I didn't explain it, but her relapse occurred between August-September 2006 and her legal issues LITERALLY caught up with her in November 2006. She has been clean since October when she and fiance moved into their house in Austin. So, we have difficult children with 6 months clean and doing well!! I'm happy for today, and very happy for you!
  8. judi

    judi Active Member

    Terry thanks for the update. Sounds wonderful. I so agree that the difficult child's have to want to change.
  9. Loris

    Loris New Member

    That does give hope! I'm thrilled for your family.
  10. KFld

    KFld New Member

    So we have anniversaries we can celebrate together :smile:

    My difficult child seems to have a different outlook this time around. He went in and out of rehabs for a little over a year, but this last time in September seemed to have a bigger impact on him. He keeps making positive changes that I pray everyday continue.

    One day at a time :bravo:
  11. Terryforvols

    Terryforvols Member


    My difficult child also has a different outlook, but I always have this little "voice" in the back of my head that speaks up every time something COULD possibly be wrong. I hate that for her because she really has been working very hard and there has been nothing she has done. I think she feels that she will never live it down, but seems to be very understanding when I question her about this or that. I guess it will just take time (probably forever, just too much betrayal, etc.) to let that go. By the way, did you happen to see Oprah Monday about addiction, or the HBO series Addiction. They were great, and one thing that was brought up and is true is that it is a DISEASE and they basically have no ability to "just stop it" (until they choose to work at it) because their brains change. We were told at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that the first time difficult child took a pain pill, even legitimately (how it started), it was all over for her because of the way she was wired. I get so tired of judgemental people thinking that addicts can just stop with willpower (I used to be that way!!) and am always glad when someone like Oprah gets the word out.
  12. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I love Oprah :kisses: