Just when I thought things were looking up

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Kitten1999, Feb 23, 2015.

  1. Kitten1999

    Kitten1999 Member

    My 15 years old daughter has been back in school for a month and I thought things were going ok but she had a couple of girls stay over and I thought they were in her room watching movies but it turns out she had drank a whole bottle of vodka, her 2 friends had a little bit but not much at all, she had 2 bottles and was about to start on the second and I took them from her she hit aggressive and tried to take them back. She than tried to hit her father and was screaming at him tempers were high and her dad tried to stay calm but she kept coming at him and he slapped her.
    She also informed me that all of last year she was drinking everyday. She will forget she has told me that tomorrow. I think she has a drinking problem at 15 I don't know what to do please help
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Any substance abuse problems on either side of the family tree? Has she been in trouble with the law? Is she in therapy?
  3. Kitten1999

    Kitten1999 Member

    She was in therapy last year but hasn't been for a while we all thought she was doing better and yes substance abuse on both sides of the family that's why I'm scared
  4. Kitten1999

    Kitten1999 Member

    Alcohol on both sides and never been in trouble with the law
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Sorry. I'm sorry she is drinking so much too. My daughter got into substances at age twelve. Yes, that's young, but it happens. Have you taken her for an assessment to see if she is abusing alcohol? Of course they requires s he tell the truth. When she isn't home check her room for hidden alcohol bottles. Does anything about drinking show up on her FB? There are clues they leave us.

    It would be good if your husband doesn't slap her in the face. He can seriously get into trouble for that, especially around the head, if she decides to tell anyone about it. He needs to refrain and walk away, no matter how angry he gets. After all, he is the adult.

    Perhaps family counseling would be a good place to start? I can understand and empathize with your fear.
  6. Kitten1999

    Kitten1999 Member

    I know I did get him to walk away after that happened and he slapped her on the arm but she is strong and when she trying to hit you what are we expected to do just let her. It's a difficult situation I spoke with her after and even though she was drunk she still knew her behaviour was wrong
  7. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately alcoholism has no age limits. I think you need to strip her room down to bed and clothes and do a room check for booze every single day. I really have no answer of how you force a teen to go to 12 step meetings.
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Kitten, I have no doubt she provoked him tremendously. I just don't want to see her dad in trouble on top of your worries about her. It's not worth it. You are on top of it (a very good thing). You know this is in the family and I'm sure you know that substance abusers of all stripes QUIT their abusing every single day. This is not hopeless. She is only fifteen and you have a few years to try to help her.

    In a way, I feel blessed (if one can call substance abuse a blessing) that my daughter started so young and that we caught it so early. We were able to influence her more than if she had already been legally an adult. We did all we could, including letting her go on probation twice. We wanted to scare her straight. I don't know if we did. Honestly, this is such a slippery slope. But this was a kid who snorted ADHD drugs (yes, you can if you crush with pillcrusher), used cocaine, psychedelics, tried heroin a few times, and loved speed/meth and she did quit young too...nineteen. Maybe if they start young and we catch it and they know we care and want to help, they are less apt to keep doing it as they get older and can stop more easily in the resiliency of youth.

    I do think family counseling may make a difference because you can all learn to interact in a positive way and maybe she will feel safer with somebody who is not in the family helping all of you, just not her one'on-one. She is probably pretty scared at her habit. My daughter admits she was, but she was even more afraid to lose her loser friends. She was/is very shy and drugs made her outgoing and popular and once she lost weight by the meth diet (tongue in cheek) the boys just chased her like crazy. She had to get over that and she did.

    You or a professional can drug test her to see if she has a lot of alcohol in her system too. Not sure where this fits in. I just am hoping your young daughter decides to give it up before it gets way out of hand. She is still capable of living a full and wonderful and sober life.

    Wishing you all the best. Keep us posted. We are here, cheering for you.
  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    When did it start? obviously more than a year ago. There may be other things that have happened that you don't know about. MAY. Things that she doesn't want to talk about, not even to a therapist. But she can be trying to forget, and using alcohol to do that.

    Do you have any youth mental health and addictions services available? Crisis intervention lines that can give you advice?
  10. Kitten1999

    Kitten1999 Member

    I think she has been doing for about a year but can't be sure. She has a psychologist and there is a youth mental health centre close by. I think we will start at her psychologist and go from there. I do agree that we all need family counselling to help cope with the issues we are facing especially my husband, he doesn't know how to cope with her. I have a little more training as I a counsellor but it's difficult when it's your own daughter. My judgement is clouded.
  11. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    Welcome. Of course your judgment is clouded and you and your husband are both at your wits end. Nobody is every prepared for this. I think my son may have started drinking in about 2003. He was 14 then. I would have guessed much later but I have learned a lot in the past 5 years.

    Drinking a whole bottle of straight vodka is different from trying a strawberry daiquiri. One drinks for the taste and the giggles and the other drinks to get drunk.

    I would also Consult her pediatrician and take advantage of every possible resource available. Keep at it. I didn't know about my sons deep problems until he was over 18. You have very limited ability then.

    Consider it a gift that you discovered the depth of the problem now and can go hard at it.

    I am sorry. Please take care of yourself during this hard time.
  12. Kitten1999

    Kitten1999 Member

    Thank you for the support I am trying to take care of myself but I'm exhausted between my daughter and trying to protect my 10 year old son from all of his sisters issues and work there is no time for me. I just want to sleep for a week.