Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by nvts, Nov 6, 2008.

  1. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    This kid is making me crazy. I'd find a bridge and "jump" but all I'd end up with would be broken ankles and being surrounded by the 3 of them - with no way to run screaming into the night!

    difficult child 1 has been really, really doing pretty well. I got a call from the school the other day, and his counselor was impressed with how he's really showing a desire to make changes. She said that she was feeling guilty because all I ever hear from her is "he's melting down again" and she wanted to call with praise from both her and his primary teacher. When he did have an episode, he'd recover quickly (within a minute or two) and all would be right with the world.

    My extended family has been impressed with how great he's been doing, so we had an appointment. with his psychiatrist and we decided to keep the trileptal at a minimum dosage.

    Well, I had to call the school yesterday to talk to the gentleman that runs the "time out room" and HE was singing his praises. I have parent teacher conf. today so it was great to know that I would be walking in to a welcome environment (or should I say waddle in!;)).

    An hour after I hang up the phone with the time out guy, I get a call from the counselor. They can't put him on the bus, he's melting down all over God's country.

    My lil sis and I go to get him, my dad will get difficult child 3 off the bus and I told the school to just hold difficult child 2 there rather than have him ride the bus home.

    difficult child 1 was a freakin' maniac. Cursing, screaming, yelling, trying to run, bite the guy restraining him, kicking and then the ultimate - he made the threat to kick ME. I'm sorry, but this kid raises his hands to me in anger - he's toast (which I very calmly explained to him in hissing tones in his room later last night). The school is afraid that he'll hurt me or the baby (for those who don't know me, I'm pregnant), but I've gotta tell ya - I looked in that kids eyes and I KNEW that he was in control of his faculties - I knew he wouldn't connect - I knew that if I could just get him in the van, he'd settle down.

    We finally get him in the car and he tried to kick the window. I opened my car door and informed him that "if you break that :censored2: window, you're dead" and stopped. I mean dead stop. I mean not a sound, not a "what?!!" not a peep. Just a dead stop.

    I'm sooooo mad at myself for cursing you don't know!!!!!! I lowered my standard. But I'm not apologizing.

    I'm tired. I hurt. and I don't feel like anything is working. My question: do you think that I should "re-look" at his medications (yet again) for one major meltdown (over about a 3 week time)?

    I think I'm just burnt out.

    Beth
     
  2. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Beth,

    I am so very sorry that you had to go through that after getting all that positive feedback regarding his recent behaviors. Yet as you know it's an up and down roller coaster ride almost continuously.

    I do not blame you for the anger you felt nor the words you used. You most certainly do not have to apologize. We are all just human at the end of the day, this you know. You are also pregnant, hormonal and still juggling a whole lot. So, just do away with the upsetment you feel at yourself.

    Now, you stated that once you laid down the law in regards to him trying to break the window there was complete silence from him? That shows control on his part and he was connected once in the van with you.

    What is your gut telling you regarding the incident? I'm sorry I dont remember last time you changed or tweeked the medications a bit. One incident in 3 weeks isn't so bad. Yet you are correct you are pregnant and he did sound manic bigtime.

    How are you feeling today? Also how did things go once you got home??
     
  3. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hey Jen! I gotta tell you...I came in and husband made meatloaf with the chop meat that I left out to defrost (you know...sometimes things are just better left undone! lol!).

    We changed to the trileptal about 6 or 7 weeks ago, but it's one that you have to titrate up on. It doesn't kick in right away.

    The way I handled the evening with him was a "come to Jesus" as we call it around here and went something like this:

    "You were in control. I knew it by the look in your eyes. I will inform you of one thing: you my love, have now messed with a Master. I don't have to raise my hand to hurt you. I can cut you up with words flying out of my mouth until you are a quivering puddle of goo on the floor. DON'T EVER DO THIS AGAIN".

    I then asked him if using the "f" word made him cool. He said yes and that he wanted to the kids in his class to think he was cool (mind you this all took place AFTER all of the students had gone home). So I said "f*ck, f*ck, f*ck AND f*ck", "do I look and sound cool? Wow, I know I feel cool - maybe that should be the only word I use - I can walk into the grocery store and just say "f*ck" and everyone will think I'm cool, hey and the bakery, the doctors office, your school...ooooohhhh! How about Church? I'll be the coooolest Mom in the pew!" All of this in a very calm voice.

    He just sat on his bed, his eyes looked like dinner plates and his jaw dropped to his knees.

    Ok, so maybe I lost it a little bit. Juuuuust a touch.

    Beth
     
  4. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Beth

    I"m sorry I am not laughing at you with you, cause I hope you are laughing a little right now. You are very funny, your point I think was totally made clear to him at this point. Hopefully by watching you say such stuff, his jaw dropped and he realized hmmm nope Mom's lookin a little crazy right now lol, def. not cool :)

    I think honestly if it were me i'd make the call to the doctor (just to get his thoughts), yet i'd just watch him over the next week or so to see if it happens again. I may not tweek the medication just yet. You know him better than anyone, and if you saw that look where he was totally connected at that time, than he had control. I hope you are feeling ok though. It's alot when your pregnant, a whole lot to juggle. Your doing a great job.

    *Ok I do the same thing, I actually took chopmeat out yesterday and mentioned how great his meatballs were........ so he said i'm guessing you'd like me to make them?? LOL I said umm your guess would be correct!!!
     
  5. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    All in all, Beth, I think you handled it well, particularly since you knew he was not truly out of control.

    I would not revisit medications. It was a melt down, true, but it doesn't sound like it was cause by his lack of ability to control himself.

    I'd be curious to poll the group and know who hasn't let a curse word slip in dealing with their difficult child's. Yeah, its not good. But I'm not a saint - not even in the running for it.
     
  6. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Beth, I think you handled the whole situation very well, INCLUDING letting fly with the F-word during the drive home.

    Sometimes our children, ESPECIALLY the difficult children need to know that we ARE human, we WILL lose it if they push us too far, and they are likely to be very very unhappy indeed when we do lose it.

    I agree with you that no apology is necessary. I also don't think that his medications need adjusting. If he's had only one meltdown during the 3 week period and he's been commended so much on his good behaviour and self management, it could be a teeny bit of self sabotage (yes, I've been well behaved lately, but don't forget who's the difficult child around here...)

    And I think you handled the Come to Jesus speech just fine.

    Don't mess with the pregnant warrior mom!

    (And Kudos to husband for making a meatloaf. I'm going to have to try that...leave ingredients lying around casually on the kitchen counter, hinting, hinting...)

    Trinity
     
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I think you handled it all amazingly well, esp considering you are pregnant. Since he WAS in control, I would leave the medications where they are and work on making the child know that meltdowns have unhappy consequences, esp when they are a CHOSEN course of behavior. Maybe make him do the vacuuming and another chore to pay you back for having to come get him. Or give him a fine if he is more motivated by money. Whatever works to reinforce that he really does NOT want to mess with Mama.

    Hugs to you, sweetie. Pregnant is a big enough thing to deal with. difficult children on top of it makes it a monumental load for a lady.
     
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    When he climbs to the top of the stable roof
    When he dawns an umbrella and a sheet as a parachute
    When he uses a rope to get his bike up ON the stable roof

    Then rides the bike -nearly off the roof - only to have the bike go one way and you see your child THUD off a 12' roof, with your ONLY prayer at that moment being that he does NOT land ON the bike and impale himself?

    YEAH - PRICELESS - Got my first grey hair over THAT one......he was 10

    YOU DONE GOOD GIRRRRRRRRRRL!

    Hewwo my widdle baby dirl.....you are a princess....yesh you are...yesh you are so pretty.....mmmm mmm mm mmmm I eats your feet, yesh I do....pretty girl....
     
  9. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Congratulations on the good reports. We so need to hear them.

    I am sorry for the awful behavior. I think those "come to Jesus" talks do have their place and you found one of them. I always feel more empowered when I feel the need to give one of those talks because they come from a deep emotional place and are usually firm and strongly given. You really do feel that you are being heard. I hope difficult child heard you loud and clear. I am sure he did. (I know I did)
     
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