Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by missyk33, Dec 3, 2008.

  1. missyk33

    missyk33 New Member

    Last year this month, I caught an 18 year old boy naked in my daughters room. I pressed statutory rape charges against him. Well, today we had court. They made an offer ,which even though it didnt include jail time which I would have liked to see, I feel he is getting what he deserves. He lost a full scholarship to college, he got 20 years suspended, and 5 years probation. If he just as much hiccups wrong hes going to prison for the entire amount of time. He also has to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life. We decided to take the offer as we didn't feel like it would be wise for her to get on the stand. She was a total wreck after grand jury and ran away. So for her mental health we decided to take the offer.
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Not sure how old your daughter it, but taking the stand would be incredibly stressful for anyone. our kids are so much more fragile, taking the deal sounds like the best decision for HER.

    I hope the young man learns something and changes his life. I also hope your daughter can accept whatever help she needs (not sure how old she is or what else is going on, but offering suport is really all I need.
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I second what Susie says- how old is your daughter?
  4. missyk33

    missyk33 New Member

    She is 14 now but she was 13 when this happened. She was starting to spiral out of control but after she went in front of the grand jury, she completely lost it.
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    That's pretty young- I think you did the right thing- both last year and today.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    13? I would have done the same thing. Good for you!!!!
  7. Ilovemyson

    Ilovemyson Guest

    Yeah I probably would have done the same thing!! Ok, well, I might be sitting in jail myself!!

    I pray that your daughter can get through what happened and overcome this.

    As for the creep, it is a shame that his decisions have now ruined his life, but maybe he can help other young men in that situation realize that they can screw the rest of their live up in a matter of seconds.
  8. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    13???? 13????? OMG.

    I think you definitely did the right thing. Chances are he wouldn't have ended up with much jail time anyways.
  9. missyk33

    missyk33 New Member

    He actually could have gotten 10 years and he would have had to stay the entire 10 years. She got home from school and we were talking about it and she said she was glad that she wasn't there. She said all she did today was think about it. She said she didn't even talk out in Biology because she was thinking so much about it.
  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I know there was so much age difference that he should get some punishment- it obviously isn't the same thing as an 18yo and a 17yo. But, I had to testify about some very personal things this past year and I can tell you, I don't know how I could have withstood it if I'd been a young teenager. So, I think you did the right thing. In the end, he might be "watched" more closely with this punishment than he would have been if he'd done a few years behind bars but then been allowed to walk.
  11. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I agree that you made the right decision. Many hugs to you and your daughter.
  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree you made the right decision. Hugs.
  13. Jena

    Jena New Member


    Coming from a person with whom survived rape myself, and my family did nothing about it (it was a family member) you totally did the right thing. Althouh it may throw her off now she'll remembe the lesson that was taught from what you did holding him responsible. Good job Mom.
  14. Nancy423

    Nancy423 do I have to be the mom?

    I also think you made the right decision. Putting her on the stand would have been just too much. ((HUGS)) to you and your family.
  15. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    It sounds like a good outcome to me. What would jail time serve? I think it is much better that he serve 'time' OUTSIDE jail where he can function far more normally but have so much restriction and supervision on him that he HAS to go straight and do absolutely nothing wrong. He knows that even if nobody else will be watching him, YOU will be and will drop him in it at the slightest sneeze.

    It's easy to not offend when you're inside. Much more difficult when you have to change your own life because you're currently living it.

    Frankly, this shouldn't be about revenge (although if it had been MY 13 year old daughter I would be wanting to castrate him myself, probably with a rusty blade after doing the wethers in the paddock). It should be about him learning to never offend again, to live a good clean life and prevent others from doing what he did.

    If your daughter had been put on the stand there's a chance some blasted defence attorney would have made it look like she invited him in. The thing is, even if she did invite him in, it would have been completely wrong. But in a court, this can get lost and distorted. She also would have felt a lot more personal responsibility for his sentence and really, she has no reason to feel guilty. At 13 she just isn't legally old enough to have any guilt in this.

    You done good. The court done good.

  16. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    What kind of 18yo is interested in a child that young? Most of the guys I knew who were 18 wanted the college girls. I am so very sorry your daughter experienced this. I am glad she was able to testify to hte grand jury, but I think the deal is the best thing so she didn't have to testify again.

    And, he hopefully will be closely monitored for many years. I totally think you did the right thing pressing charges. In my state a 13yo isn't even old enough to give consent for sex. It came up in a case here in town and that is what the DA used to charge the other person .

    I am so sorry this happened to your family and I hope you ALL get intense therapy to help you cope, esp your daughter.
  17. missyk33

    missyk33 New Member

    You know ever since the girls were little, I alway said I would kill someone if they ever did anything to them but when I caught him, I only called the law. I really didn't know if he had any weapon on him or would try to hurt me or the girls. My husband said he was very lucky he wasnt the one because he would have hurt him seriously.

    The defense attorney would tear into her and make her look like a ****. She did invite him and let him in. Even though we are rational, you never know how a jury would vote and could actually come back with a not guilty and then I would have heck on my hands.
  18. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    It's ok- I REALLY think you did the right thing. It isn't about whether or not she allowed this to happen, even if it seems like it right now. She was too young to be making that kind of decision- he was way old ennough to know and understand that she was too young. She wasn't even in his age range (ie- it's not like two 13 yo). Not only that, but even if SHE believes she allowed it, it's hard to tell how much intimidation or manipulation she had to get to that point- and I feel sure she had at least some.

    But even more importantly- testifying could have been VERY traumatic for her- it could have caused issues that you don't even want to think about that could have effected her for years to come.

    I hope you have (or can ) have a therapist involved for a short period of time to discuss this with you and her. Really, you have a lot of "seconds" here- you did the right thing!!