Kanga update: She quit her job!!!

[JJJ]

I actually had a nice visit with her this week. I stopped in for about 90 minutes and brought her dinner and then hung out with her on one side of the living room while another mom hung out on the other side with her daughter. Mostly the other mom just watched her daughter play BandHero on the Wii. It was nice to have other people in the room cause it kept Kanga on her best behavior.

I had her create a budget for how she wanted to live at 18. She picked an apartment, cable, internet and cell phone. Add in utilities and basic food and at her current hourly wage, she would need to work 10/hours per day 7/days per week 365/days per year. She was really bummed. Then she decided to use "her" college fund to pay for her apartment. Huge problem with that, she doesn't have a college fund, we had to cash it in to pay for help when she was younger. She was not happy about that either. But she held it together and did not make any threats

Since then, she has turned in her two weeks notice at her job, cause it interferes with her "sports and fun". Wow, she worked a whopping 3 hours/week during the school day and she was getting a credit for it. And as long as it was a school related conflict and she filled out a time-off request with at least 1 weeks notice, she was always given the time off. I told her that she quit in the right way (written notice, doing her two weeks) but that I didn't understand her choice to quit her job. She assured me that as soon as an opening came up on the shift she wanted, she would start working again. Well, the shift she "wants" is the one after hers, so it would still interfere with sports. And she could have kept working her current shift and had higher priority to get her shift changed.

I asked her how she was going to explain to the interviewer that she has had two jobs this year and that she was fired from her first one after just a few weeks due to sexually inappropriate activities at work and that she lasted about 3 months at the 2nd job before she quit cause it "interefered" with her fun. She has no clue why anyone would hold that against her. I REALLY hope that they use this as a learning opportunity and have her get turned down for the next few jobs for which she applies.

 

[susiestar]

I am glad the visit went well. It is nice that she was on her best behavior even though she was upset about the college fund. I am always amazed wehn kids think they can use a "college fund" for anything they want other than college. No way would I have been allowed to do that - not in this life or the next.

I wish I could help you understand her thinking as far as quitting her job. It is nuts as far as I can see. How did it interfere with fun when she was in school while she was working? Will they make her take a class during the time seh isn't working? I hope they make her do something not fun with that time, and that she loses out on fun things because she has no money to pay because she isn't working. Can you speak to them about having her NOT get hired for the first couple of jobs she wants so that she can see a reason why quitting because it cut into her "fun" was a bad idea? Or are these jobs out in the "real" world instead of at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)? Sadly, if she is a cute girl she may get away with that behavior for quite a while in many communities.

I wonder what her real reason for quitting was? Something makes me think she got into trouble or was about to for something she did or said or was planning, so she quit before they could fire her. But I am suspicious, lol!

You handle this stuff so awesomely. I am sure I wouldn't be able to still be so involved and stay calm when she does this stuff, esp when you KNOW that they don't fully grasp her real thinking processes in the newest placement.

 

[JJJ]

Hi Susie,

She has to 'go to school' the entire day. So instead of going to work which was considered "Voc Ed", worth a credit and she got paid, now she will sit in the classroom working on her other subjects. After her last job loss, she was restricted to applying to ones that had all-female crews and supervisors with a 3:1 or better ratio of students: staff. These are all jobs on the campus of the Residential Treatment Center (RTC). She really wants a job at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s off-campus resale shop or at a mall. She's not eligible for the mall because she is on a protection plan and I doubt she's a strong candidate for the resale shop now.

I am suspicious too. I think that she is setting up the pieces for something else. This Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s communication stinks so I am not sure what it is, yet.

I'm only calm because the chance of being forced to bring her home becomes slimmer and slimmer with each passing day. If I thought she'd EVER be living here again, I'd be in a blind panic. My involvement is less than at the last Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and will become less so once the grant is renewed again. I'm guessing she will deny us access to her treatment once she turns 18 in 21 months. She thinks that will upset me

 

[susiestar]

She probably thinks she is more likely to get a job at the resale store now because they won't have to wait 2 weeks for her to finish up at her other job. She also probably thinks that she can go do what she wants during the hours she isn't at work, regardless of what she has been told. Makes me wonder if there is another teen that she wants to spend this "free time" (aka time she will be sitting in a classroom) with.

 

[Jena]

hey

i haven't been following this. i'm sorry so wrapped up in my own junk. i just wanted to wish you luck. i guess she's going to have that horrible natural consequences thing for herself. soo hard to watch them do things that we know won't work out well for them.

good luck either way

 

[DaisyFace]

JJJ--

I wonder if the realization that she was "poor" affected her decision to quit? You know - as long as this 3-hour-per-week job won't pay for everything...I may as well quit now and do what I want - kind of thinking.

And spend the "college fund" on an apartment? Hah!

With our kids - there never was a "college fund" and we have been very up front with them about the fact that they need to work hard and get good grades to earn scholarships. (Of course, the fact that difficult child feels Cs and Ds are 'close enough' is a whole other story...)

 

[JJJ]

I
With our kids - there never was a "college fund" and we have been very up front with them about the fact that they need to work hard and get good grades to earn scholarships. (Of course, the fact that difficult child feels Cs and Ds are 'close enough' is a whole other story...)

Oh, her college fund wasn'y much. It might have covered 1-2 years at the junior college while living at home.

Kanga was a very gifted athlete and was highly ranked on a national level before she had to go to Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Several of her former teammates are either attending or have been accepted to the Ivies and Little Ivies. Kanga - even without the mental illness - could never have done that (just not high enough IQ), but she likely would have been a full-ride candidate at a lower level school. She knows that and is very frustrated that she can no longer compete and that isn't an option anymore. So are we I think that was the hardest thing on husband, when that particular dream died.

 

[barneysmom]

JJJ,

I'm glad you're not living with the idea of being forced to bring Kanga home. Why did she have to go to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) (I wasn't around then). I feel such a tug on my heart when I read about her gifted-ness in athletics. Is that over for good? She's a complicated young lady (as you know). My gfg17 is complicated too. He had a pretty big transformation after the huge psychotic break he had last year while in a step-down juvie, then psychiatric hospital for 70 days, then 7 weeks in short-term Residential Treatment Center (RTC).

Do you think that as she gets older, maturity will help Kanga understand the concept of consequences? (seeing that her emotional age is so much less than her actual age -- speaking from experience here). It's exhausting for husband and I, waiting for our kids to "grow up." It's like being on a hamster wheel. Like, didn't I do this stuff already (about ten years ago)?

Read your post over at the WC about anxiety -- I can relate big time. Hope you are feeling well. Not to get off the subject, but can you give me a good resource to learn about indigo children, as I see your Tigger is an indigo child? What about indigo adults? (Sorry if Occupational Therapist (OT))

You are awesome JJJ, and an encouragement to me. I can glimpse some of what you must have gone through on your journey.

Jo

 

[DDD]

Sounds like a big improvement from the last post I read (although I don't recall the details). What a relief that she is well taken care of and you don't have to be concerned about a return to chaos. Had to smile at the college fund. We used the college fund for easy child/difficult child to help with his post op care. The psychiatrist stipulated to the State that he would be unable to do college level work due to the Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). Last month he said "maybe I can go to college with my fund". I almost croaked as I didn't think he even remembered he had one. Unlike you I did not fess up. I just reminded him that there was no reson to go to college if you didn't have a career goal that required a degree. True. on the other hand I feel a little guilty about not sharing the full truth. Good for you. DDD

 

[JJJ]

JJJ,

I'm glad you're not living with the idea of being forced to bring Kanga home. Why did she have to go to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) (I wasn't around then). I feel such a tug on my heart when I read about her gifted-ness in athletics. Is that over for good? She's a complicated young lady (as you know). My gfg17 is complicated too. He had a pretty big transformation after the huge psychotic break he had last year while in a step-down juvie, then psychiatric hospital for 70 days, then 7 weeks in short-term Residential Treatment Center (RTC).

She had to go to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) because she was homicidal without a trace of remorse. While she has learned to parrot what the tdocs say, her last therapist worked with her for two years and felt that she would never really get why it was wrong to try and kill her family. She frequently attacked Tigger and myself. She threatened Eeyore and Piglet with very bad things. She talked about highly inappropriate sexual acts in front of the other children. It was a living nightmare. If you want to a snapshot of it, click on my username and then "view forum posts".

Do you think that as she gets older, maturity will help Kanga understand the concept of consequences? (seeing that her emotional age is so much less than her actual age -- speaking from experience here). It's exhausting for husband and I, waiting for our kids to "grow up." It's like being on a hamster wheel. Like, didn't I do this stuff already (about ten years ago)?

Read your post over at the WC about anxiety -- I can relate big time. Hope you are feeling well. Not to get off the subject, but can you give me a good resource to learn about indigo children, as I see your Tigger is an indigo child? What about indigo adults? (Sorry if Occupational Therapist (OT))

You are awesome JJJ, and an encouragement to me. I can glimpse some of what you must have gone through on your journey.

Jo

As she gets older she has become "therapized" and can parrot what she should say. She has some concept of do to get but she will still get violent a couple times a year and her false allegations continue.

As far as Indigo Children, I have read aything in a while. Let me look threw my stuff, I used to have some good books and sites. I'll get back to you.