Kanga's true colors

[JJJ]

We had our meeting yesterday about Kanga and her upcoming move to the new Residential Treatment Center (RTC). She was pouty and insisted that she was going to continue to sneak off with boys cause 'she wants to' and that she has been good for the last year (current staff nipped that falsehood). Current staff said that "Kanga is a very sweet, pleasant young woman....and she uses that to manipulate staff."

Guess it is good news that each meeting everyone sees a little more of the Kanga that I have known for years. Or is it bad news that she either cannot or will not keep the 'princess' image going????

 

[DDD]

Sounds like a mixed bag. It has to validating for you, however, to have others "see" what you have been sharing for so long. I hope the new placement helps. Hugs. DDD

 

[AnnieO]

I think both, hon.

If others can see who Kanga really is, it will help her - in the long run - if she allows it.

on the other hand - if she could keep it up - maybe it would become a habit...

 

[DaisyFace]

JJJ--

I wonder if some of the cracks in the "princess" facade are due to Kanga's age?

As their parents, we get so used to our kid's behaviors (good or bad) and we often lose real perspective about how they act in comparison to more typical kids. A small child who is "off" will probably be seen as only slighly different than their same-aged peers. But as children age and mature, the difficult children lose more and more ground against the "norm"...

I've been thinking about this issue a lot in terms of my own difficult child - who used to be able to blink her eyes and say something cute and have everybody respond with "O she's just a poor, sweet, misunderstood child!"...

These days, she is expected to conduct herself as a young lady...and the blinking and "cutesy" remarks no longer have the same effect. When difficult child responds that way to a serious question - it no longer stops the person and sends them to ask Mom why she was being so hard on such a cute little girl....thus difficult child is forced to try something else.

There's a big difference when a 9 year old insists they have been good and should be able to see their boyfriend and when a 16 year old makes that claim! No wonder Kanga is not able to play princess!

 

[Star*]

JJJ,

I remember when Dude went to a different Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and the headmaster there gave her interpretation of Dudes behaviors as "not so cute' after everyone had always commented on him as such a doll. On one hand I was kinda like "FINALLY - someone sees what we do." even DF was like - "Now I like her! She's got it going on." and to that I thought "Well then you and her should do lunch you both think he's so awful!" and then on the other hand I had to curb back my reins because after all this was a more grown up environment meant to make him and help him go in the direction of a young man.

No matter where they are? It's never easy to watch them grow up - especially when they are difficult child's because we've spent so much of our lives trying to find a balance of making them grow up and protecting them FROM people that have not understood that mentally they ARE behind.

My hugs are coming your way. Matters not to me - Kanga will forever be my niece and thus - my princess.

 

[JJJ]

Need to share this little nugget -- Kanga was very uphappy that her admit to the new placement was pushed into next week due to transportation issues.

She told them she was running, a teacher stepped in the doorway to block her exit, Kanga went after her with scissors!!!!!!!!! then tried to climb out a classroom window. OMG -- all because her move was delayed 1 week.

I knew she'd been on edge, guess she tipped over to the dark side

 

[Star*]

JJJ

Obviously the move is a big step for her, scary and she's upset. She hasn't quite figured out where she is going maybe?, and like most difficult child's she doesn't like change? I'm not sure - what do you think? I don't think the scissors thing is anything more than maybe her anger and severe frustration bubbling to the surface and not knowing where to go. Scary for sure, but I wonder why the therapist can't work with her now on anger management techniques and breathing excercises? This would be a really good lead in to that. I know you said she isn't receptive - but something just has to give with her. - Sending hugs for you all.

 

[JJJ]

Star -- Kanga does not take responsibility for her anger, until she is willing to admit that her outbursts are wrong, therapist can't get anywhere. In fact, therapist no longer tries to get Kanga to understand that it is wrong to *stab someone*; she just tries to get her to understand what the consequences of that would be 'in the real world' and hope that she dislikes the consequences more than she wants to be aggressive.

husband and I both spoke with Kanga today and she is calm but has no desire to apologize to the staff because 'he deserved it for trying to stop me from doing what I wanted'.