As an old married person(almost 27 yrs) we still think relating to each other as mates is important. Not just as a parent or a paycheck or chore doer but as mates.
I suspect a lot of how you keep your marriage fresh and healthy has a lot to do with why and how you married and how much you want to keep your spouse in your life.
It's fair to say that we are not the same people we were 5, 10, 15, 20 yrs ago but we seemed always to want to be each others, support and friend.
Laughter and playfulness has gone a long way to helping each other get through some really bad times.
I still think throwing blame is really harmful. It makes one more guarded towards sharing with a mate. We all make mistakes and we usually know it. Having a spouse rub it in doesn't do much for friendship.
Wanting to keep the magic within our marriage was important even when we were burdened with money worries, difficult child issues, family issues and just exhaustion.
If keeping romance alive is important to both of you then make time to figure out how to do it. It will make him feel like you care and that he has a voice in that dept. It is not like little nuggets that you bestow on him but a way to keep in touch with each other like no other way can. When we felt the most distant from each we had this one way to reconnect because we always made it a safe place.
-We always tried to have a sitter. We recruited them regularly. Sometimes all we did was walk around Wal Mart and stop for coffee.
-I often had my morning coffee while husband was getting ready for work so we could just talk. It's intimate.
-Try to tell him what you need in terms of feeling like a girlfriend. -Compliments, thoughtfulness, laughter. Whatever rocks your boat.
-Open communication with mate about what he wants in terms of a married relationship. Things may not be what he wanted or expected either.
-Remember why you were attracted to him in the first place. Look for what's good in him and remember it when you are annoyed.
It just doesn't grow without nurturing and caring.
Believe me, we are not all flowers and love sonnets. We get on each other's nerves, we argue, we enjoy a break from each other but we are in this for the long haul. We try to diminish collateral damage that comes from years of money worries, difficult child worries, life worries. If intimacy is what we need then that's what we have to nurture that life long commitment.
Find a way that works for you and your mate. There really isn't a one size fits all way to keep a marriage healthy. Both of you have a responsibility to find how to do it.