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Parent Emeritus
Kicked 18 year old son out, Im struggling with it
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 684730" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Welcome to our group.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry you had to find us but glad you did.</p><p></p><p>Your story sounds very familiar to me. I went through much of what you described with my own son. I had to call the police several times on my son. Yes, the diversion program, know it well. My son was offered the program twice and both times he screwed it up. In and out of juvenile detention and group homes. Lots of family counseling too, but in the end he wanted to live his life on his terms so I had to let go.</p><p></p><p>I know how hard this is for you. I know the pain you feel, worrying about your son living on the streets with no food, no shelter, etc..... I can only offer this advice. First and foremost you can only do what you are comfortable with. You might want to gather a list of shelters for your son. There are places he can go for a bed and a meal.</p><p></p><p>I know this hard, I've lived it. I wasted too many years and way too much money trying to "help" my son. Bottom line is these difficult children of ours do not want to live by the rules we set forth in our homes and because of that, they should not live in our homes. We have raised them, we have taught them right from wrong, but we cannot force them to live the way we want them to. We have to let them go.</p><p></p><p>There is a fine line between helping and enabling. We can get to a point where our helping is actually hurting them. At some point they are going to have to learn how to live their life on their own. It may not look like what we had dreamed and hoped for them and that's ok. It's their life.</p><p></p><p>More words of advice, our difficult children want us to continue footing the bill for their lives and when we tell them we no longer will they will amp it up. Don't be surprised if your son becomes very dramatic, begging, crying, telling you he's going to starve or die. Don't be surprised if he starts blaming you for the chaos of his own making. Do not buy into this. They count on us feeling guilty so we will give into them.</p><p></p><p>You have taken a first step by not allowing him to live in your home.</p><p></p><p>Stay strong and stay here with us. We are here to support you.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS)) to you......................</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 684730, member: 18516"] Welcome to our group. I'm sorry you had to find us but glad you did. Your story sounds very familiar to me. I went through much of what you described with my own son. I had to call the police several times on my son. Yes, the diversion program, know it well. My son was offered the program twice and both times he screwed it up. In and out of juvenile detention and group homes. Lots of family counseling too, but in the end he wanted to live his life on his terms so I had to let go. I know how hard this is for you. I know the pain you feel, worrying about your son living on the streets with no food, no shelter, etc..... I can only offer this advice. First and foremost you can only do what you are comfortable with. You might want to gather a list of shelters for your son. There are places he can go for a bed and a meal. I know this hard, I've lived it. I wasted too many years and way too much money trying to "help" my son. Bottom line is these difficult children of ours do not want to live by the rules we set forth in our homes and because of that, they should not live in our homes. We have raised them, we have taught them right from wrong, but we cannot force them to live the way we want them to. We have to let them go. There is a fine line between helping and enabling. We can get to a point where our helping is actually hurting them. At some point they are going to have to learn how to live their life on their own. It may not look like what we had dreamed and hoped for them and that's ok. It's their life. More words of advice, our difficult children want us to continue footing the bill for their lives and when we tell them we no longer will they will amp it up. Don't be surprised if your son becomes very dramatic, begging, crying, telling you he's going to starve or die. Don't be surprised if he starts blaming you for the chaos of his own making. Do not buy into this. They count on us feeling guilty so we will give into them. You have taken a first step by not allowing him to live in your home. Stay strong and stay here with us. We are here to support you. ((HUGS)) to you...................... [/QUOTE]
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Kicked 18 year old son out, Im struggling with it
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