rosepress
New Member
Hi. Our son, who is 19, has ADD-ODD since he was a child, has been smoking weed and taking different pills...Zanax and painkillers since he was 16. We really didnt know about the pills unitl a little while ago. A year ago, we told him he had to leave our house because he was bringing weed into our home in his room. My 12 year old questioned what the smell was and he was getting calls all through the night...just too much drama. His grandpa offered to take him in knowing he was smoking weed. That lasted a few months... his grandpa had a few close "break ins" at his house from sketchy people who were involved with our son. His grandpa has only use of one arm because of a stroke and my husband didnt think it was a good idea he stayed with him, so our son "begged" us to co sign a lease for him to live in an apt. We thought he would gain some responsibility and grow up a little. He had 2 jobs so we knew he could make the rent. A short time later, we found out he had asked 2 girls to move in with him. They were just friends and he never did like to be alone..it ended up bad.
My son started having feelings for one of the girls...they even dated. Things seem to be OK, although we knew he was still smoking. HE called us one day and told us that his job was asking for a drug test because they were suspicious. HE was going into work stoned we were told. His second job, the same thing happened. We told him that he would have to move out and we would have to break the lease. HE said he had enough to live on for another month or so. One week later, he called us at 1 in the morning to tell us that he had been robbed of money and electronics from his apartment and that he was sure it was his roomates and a guy who was a friend of his. HE got in an altercation with the girls earlier that night and when he returned home, the stuff was gone. HE also found out that night that the girl he liked was dating this same friend...so there he sat in his apt on a Friday night, lost his jobs, lost his stuff, lost his money, lost some friends and was about to lose his aprtment. My husband and I went over there to talk to him and asked him if he was ready to turn his life around? He was so down in the dumps that my husband told me to return home because our youngest was by himself and he would stay with our son to "watch" him to make sure he was ok through the night.
The next morning, my son was down, but he was ready to start all over. He was going to go to the drug classes that his job suggested in order to keep his job and he was going to look into college. We told him he could come back home under the stipulation that he kept his promises. The first day was good, he seemed happy and no drama...we were hoping this was a sign of good things to come. The next day, he broke our shower knob and all went down hill. HE cussed me out and called me the most horrific names you could imagine. HE was loud, angry and getting destructive. The drama was back and this wasnt my son. It had to be the drugs. HE left that day, and as he was going out the door, he saw me with my cell phone and said things like. "who you calling? DADDY, you F_____ B____? I sat there, frozen in fear and confusion. As soon as he left, I called my husband who was at work. When my son came home that night, it was like "hi mom. whats up?"...as if nothing happened. His dad talked to him and he apologized to us and the next day, it was the same. I had to wait until that night for my husband to come home. I wanted him OUT, he disrespected me for the very LAST TIME. I was stressed out, my husband couldnt concentrate on his job, and it was effecting our 12 year old. While at work, my husband looked up this behavior and it was all side effects of abusing pills and what it does to the brain. Our son had never conducted himself like this. He has always had a temper that comes with ODD, but never to this extreme. My husband also called a local drug treatment center and talked to a counselor. Not much you can do with a 19 year old who is considered an adult..but they told us to ask him if he would be willing to talk to someone...he said NO. So my husband had to do the hardest thing he ever had to do, he asked him if he wouldnt get help, that he would have to leave our home. HE was out of control, throwing stuff around, calling us names again and saying he hoped we both rot in hell, especially me. My 12 year old son was on stand by in case he hit me or my husband with his cell phone to call the police. This wasnt our son... our son who graduated with honors until the last few months of senior year, this wasnt our son who always kept curfew and never stole anything from us, not the sweet loving son we knew he could be...the drugs had a hold of him and making his ODD symptoms worse.
Its been a week and a half now since he has been gone. We dont know where he is staying or with who. Someone told us they saw him one night sleeping in a parking lot in his car. We told him as long as he was doing the drugs, we were not going to help him. The grandparents have been told NO MONEY and no letting him Live in their homes. HE does, however, go to his grandpas periodically to take "showers: and to wash his clothes. Our doctor we are seeing for all of this says, that its no harm in that little amount although grandpa enables him, but we dont like him even being over there. We all suspect he is selling to have something to live on. We always say its a matter of time before he gets busted.
As his mom, I was a big enabler, Grandma was the worse. She just told him that she would no longer help him with car insurance, and we are up and down about his cell phone, right now were are stlll paying for that. Doctor says that everybody hits their rock bottom differently, and some addict's rock bottom is death...he told us tha a drug addcit who also sufferes from ADD, Bi Polar, or ODD....and disorders like this make it even harder for addicts to quit....he says our son may never quit, or he may. We are just waiting for something to happen. I pray that he stays safe, but it doesnt look good. I have my good days and bad. His dad is very sad because he thinks somewhere we went wrong when I know we didnt. Doctor says that we have to take care of US and our youngest son. We cant let all this consume us daily, but it does at times, after all he is our flesh and blood and we love him so much.
The other day, my son ran into his dad over grandpas, and my husband said that when he saw him, he couldnt help it, but some tears fell down his face, my son looked up and said, "dad, dont cry...I am not mad at you for kicking me out...Im ok."....my husband looked at him and said, "you need help son', but no matter what happens, I will always love you".....then he walked away.
All I have is hope and prayer...its all up to my son.
My son started having feelings for one of the girls...they even dated. Things seem to be OK, although we knew he was still smoking. HE called us one day and told us that his job was asking for a drug test because they were suspicious. HE was going into work stoned we were told. His second job, the same thing happened. We told him that he would have to move out and we would have to break the lease. HE said he had enough to live on for another month or so. One week later, he called us at 1 in the morning to tell us that he had been robbed of money and electronics from his apartment and that he was sure it was his roomates and a guy who was a friend of his. HE got in an altercation with the girls earlier that night and when he returned home, the stuff was gone. HE also found out that night that the girl he liked was dating this same friend...so there he sat in his apt on a Friday night, lost his jobs, lost his stuff, lost his money, lost some friends and was about to lose his aprtment. My husband and I went over there to talk to him and asked him if he was ready to turn his life around? He was so down in the dumps that my husband told me to return home because our youngest was by himself and he would stay with our son to "watch" him to make sure he was ok through the night.
The next morning, my son was down, but he was ready to start all over. He was going to go to the drug classes that his job suggested in order to keep his job and he was going to look into college. We told him he could come back home under the stipulation that he kept his promises. The first day was good, he seemed happy and no drama...we were hoping this was a sign of good things to come. The next day, he broke our shower knob and all went down hill. HE cussed me out and called me the most horrific names you could imagine. HE was loud, angry and getting destructive. The drama was back and this wasnt my son. It had to be the drugs. HE left that day, and as he was going out the door, he saw me with my cell phone and said things like. "who you calling? DADDY, you F_____ B____? I sat there, frozen in fear and confusion. As soon as he left, I called my husband who was at work. When my son came home that night, it was like "hi mom. whats up?"...as if nothing happened. His dad talked to him and he apologized to us and the next day, it was the same. I had to wait until that night for my husband to come home. I wanted him OUT, he disrespected me for the very LAST TIME. I was stressed out, my husband couldnt concentrate on his job, and it was effecting our 12 year old. While at work, my husband looked up this behavior and it was all side effects of abusing pills and what it does to the brain. Our son had never conducted himself like this. He has always had a temper that comes with ODD, but never to this extreme. My husband also called a local drug treatment center and talked to a counselor. Not much you can do with a 19 year old who is considered an adult..but they told us to ask him if he would be willing to talk to someone...he said NO. So my husband had to do the hardest thing he ever had to do, he asked him if he wouldnt get help, that he would have to leave our home. HE was out of control, throwing stuff around, calling us names again and saying he hoped we both rot in hell, especially me. My 12 year old son was on stand by in case he hit me or my husband with his cell phone to call the police. This wasnt our son... our son who graduated with honors until the last few months of senior year, this wasnt our son who always kept curfew and never stole anything from us, not the sweet loving son we knew he could be...the drugs had a hold of him and making his ODD symptoms worse.
Its been a week and a half now since he has been gone. We dont know where he is staying or with who. Someone told us they saw him one night sleeping in a parking lot in his car. We told him as long as he was doing the drugs, we were not going to help him. The grandparents have been told NO MONEY and no letting him Live in their homes. HE does, however, go to his grandpas periodically to take "showers: and to wash his clothes. Our doctor we are seeing for all of this says, that its no harm in that little amount although grandpa enables him, but we dont like him even being over there. We all suspect he is selling to have something to live on. We always say its a matter of time before he gets busted.
As his mom, I was a big enabler, Grandma was the worse. She just told him that she would no longer help him with car insurance, and we are up and down about his cell phone, right now were are stlll paying for that. Doctor says that everybody hits their rock bottom differently, and some addict's rock bottom is death...he told us tha a drug addcit who also sufferes from ADD, Bi Polar, or ODD....and disorders like this make it even harder for addicts to quit....he says our son may never quit, or he may. We are just waiting for something to happen. I pray that he stays safe, but it doesnt look good. I have my good days and bad. His dad is very sad because he thinks somewhere we went wrong when I know we didnt. Doctor says that we have to take care of US and our youngest son. We cant let all this consume us daily, but it does at times, after all he is our flesh and blood and we love him so much.
The other day, my son ran into his dad over grandpas, and my husband said that when he saw him, he couldnt help it, but some tears fell down his face, my son looked up and said, "dad, dont cry...I am not mad at you for kicking me out...Im ok."....my husband looked at him and said, "you need help son', but no matter what happens, I will always love you".....then he walked away.
All I have is hope and prayer...its all up to my son.
