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Substance Abuse
Kicked my son out, foster care, fear
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<blockquote data-quote="dayatatime" data-source="post: 705256" data-attributes="member: 17805"><p>So- he just called. Our first contact since I had fit and and he left with his clothes.</p><p></p><p>He was begging to spend the night- just so he could get some rest... that he can't get any rest in the foster home. I said No. He asked if there was anything he could do- he offered to return a photo that is precious to me that he took. I said No. And that he could leave the photo in the mailbox. He asked again, what he could do- he's only a couple blocks away. I said- attend a year of therapy, a 12-step program, and get a job. </p><p></p><p>He told me he'd give the photo back next time he sees me. He doesn't want to give it back to give it back- he just want to manipulate with it. ...but my peace means more to me than anything else.</p><p></p><p>I don't need to have more sympathy for him than I do for myself. </p><p></p><p>He said that he talked to his case worker and actually wants to be in therapy, but he can't be because anything will be through the agency and he won't have privacy. I told him we could go to family therapy where I go- the agency would have nothing to do with it. He declined- blamed me. I said I could try to talk to them, see if he can be seen there alone- he dodged. I would even pay out-of-pocket for him to go somewhere that wasn't associated with the agency- the problem is that he won't do it. I'd be spinning my wheels if I tried to set that up.... I see a big opportunity for me wheel-spinning. He was probably just trying to manipulate me. </p><p></p><p>I wish I didn't have all the experiences with his father to compare everything to. I was starting to reassure myself- I know my son really does love me ......but maybe he doesn't really love me. With his Dad I decided in the end that he thought he loved me, but he didn't- he loved some idea that he wanted me to fulfill. There was no room in that for me to be an actual person or have any needs of my own. It's healthier for a kid to have those sorts of expectations than it is for a spouse.... </p><p></p><p>Now I'm thinking about how maybe I have to give my kid the opportunity to love me. I don't give anyone the opportunity to love me if I don't give myself space to exist.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dayatatime, post: 705256, member: 17805"] So- he just called. Our first contact since I had fit and and he left with his clothes. He was begging to spend the night- just so he could get some rest... that he can't get any rest in the foster home. I said No. He asked if there was anything he could do- he offered to return a photo that is precious to me that he took. I said No. And that he could leave the photo in the mailbox. He asked again, what he could do- he's only a couple blocks away. I said- attend a year of therapy, a 12-step program, and get a job. He told me he'd give the photo back next time he sees me. He doesn't want to give it back to give it back- he just want to manipulate with it. ...but my peace means more to me than anything else. I don't need to have more sympathy for him than I do for myself. He said that he talked to his case worker and actually wants to be in therapy, but he can't be because anything will be through the agency and he won't have privacy. I told him we could go to family therapy where I go- the agency would have nothing to do with it. He declined- blamed me. I said I could try to talk to them, see if he can be seen there alone- he dodged. I would even pay out-of-pocket for him to go somewhere that wasn't associated with the agency- the problem is that he won't do it. I'd be spinning my wheels if I tried to set that up.... I see a big opportunity for me wheel-spinning. He was probably just trying to manipulate me. I wish I didn't have all the experiences with his father to compare everything to. I was starting to reassure myself- I know my son really does love me ......but maybe he doesn't really love me. With his Dad I decided in the end that he thought he loved me, but he didn't- he loved some idea that he wanted me to fulfill. There was no room in that for me to be an actual person or have any needs of my own. It's healthier for a kid to have those sorts of expectations than it is for a spouse.... Now I'm thinking about how maybe I have to give my kid the opportunity to love me. I don't give anyone the opportunity to love me if I don't give myself space to exist. [/QUOTE]
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Kicked my son out, foster care, fear
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