Kid in class told difficult child santa isn't real!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by whateveryousay2007, Nov 29, 2007.

  1. whateveryousay2007

    whateveryousay2007 New Member

    During TKD class Monday my difficult child was showing his instructor his picture with Santa. One of the 7 year olds in his class told him that wasn't Santa, he wasn't real.

    Of course my difficult child went off. He told him Santa was to real and that Santa sends out his Santa helpers to the malls to take pics with kids because he couldn't be everywhere all at once.

    With that being said the obsession was an all night conversation with him. He even told the boy that if he kept telling people Santa wasn't real he wouldn't bring him any toys.

    difficult child is matter of fact, I guess it's the Aspie in him. I'm kinda of the opinion as long as he believes he can keep believing.

    What do you think?
  2. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Sorry, you're having to deal with this, but the reality out there is that there will always be kids out there who challenge this.

    My oldest came home from kindergarten one day and informed me that "X still believes in Santa, but me and Scott set him straight." I was horrified of course--just because we didn't do Santa doesn't mean I wanted it spoiled for others. It was way before Christmas and I hadn't even thought to give him my annual don't-ruin-it-for-others lecture.

    My oldest was terrified--and I mean TERRIFIED--at every Santa we ran into: inflatables, statues, pictures, real ones. We couldn't go anywhere without him feeling terrorized by the old guy during December so finally one day I told him the truth. difficult child had even more serious and widespread anxiety problems so we didn't bother trying to get him to buy into it. Honestly it made it a lot easier on us. As fun as Santa can be, I'm glad I didn't have to deal with it because he wouldn't have been easy.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Sounds like your son has it under control!
    Let him believe as long as he wants to.
    My kids had other kids telling them the same thing, so we, too, told them that Santa had helpers, but as they got older, the classmates' info came with-caveats, eg, "It's your parents, so don't let them know that you know or THEY won't give you any presents!"
  4. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    I let them believe as long as they believe. I think my difficult child knew a while ago, though still hasn't said Santa's not real. If you don't believe you might not get a Santa stocking LOL. But you know, when you ask for a PS3 and mom says no it's too expensive, and you say well why can't Santa bring it with a smirk, mom kinda gets the hint that you know Santa's not real. He's good and hasn't said anything to easy child about it. Another indication to me that for all the sibling rivalry and saying they hate each other I don't think he really does. He doesn't want to ruin it for her.
  5. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    When my oldest was in kindergarten, I was driving the carpool home. There were 2 other kindergartners and my 3 year old. One of the other girls told them there was no Santa and went on to say she saw her mother filling the stocking. All of the others acted like they didn't even hear her. I know they did but it was like they didn't even want to hear/believe this.

    Mine at least acted like she believed for a few more years and even later would say, "I want to believe".

    I liked it better when they were saying they want Santa to bring them whatever it is than telling me they want it.
  6. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    My 12 year old difficult child still is thinking there's a Santa. Of course, I told him one must believe in Santa for Santa to bring presents...hehehehe. He doesn't want to give it up, so why should he?
  7. whateveryousay2007

    whateveryousay2007 New Member

    I want him to believe. He is so matter of fact in everything he says & does. He'll be one of those kiddos that will believe until I tell him otherwise.
  8. brandyf

    brandyf New Member

    at least it was another child who told.... last year my daughter easy child in the third grade, her teacher told the entire classroom that santa wasnt real. she literaly asked a question "who believes that santa has to be a made up story?" and of course everyoen raised their hands, one after teh other...only a few (my easy child being one) just paused in shock. well let me tell you guys...i was sent thru the roof. duh santa isnt freakin real.., but its a childhood fantasy. me and another mom, good friend of mine went to the principal...and he didnt have anything to say about it other than that he would talk to her about it. he said they go thru this every year wiht some parents. but she is a teacher adn has the right to teach fact. she also is a huge member in her baptist church (we are too), she told the story about baby jesus. which duh, we do too in our family.. has nothing to do with santa. we dont pray to santa, its a young sugarplums and lollipops fun filled fantasy for children. i just thought it was way out of line. i truley wanted to be the one to tell her about santa and the true story of santa. so,....that is what i did. i just said "that is really sad that she doesnt beleive in santa, when you no longer believe in santa you have really lost something special." i also pulled up the story about Saint Nicholas on teh internet being a historical, legendary and mythological character associated with bringing gifts to the poor. she is smart enough to understand, but she did drop a tear or two.

    truley if i had to do it over, we would have never started the santa thing. it really turns into trouble quick.
  9. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Well, my kids have met with that reality too. My youngest says she has her suspicions that it's really her father and I, my middle child is still totally convinced, and my oldest just doesn't bring it up anymore.

    My brother in law has hired an elderly couple who dress as Mr. & Mrs. C for the past 15 years. They come to their house when we have a family holiday party with all the cousins in mid-December. The parents leave a wrapped gift labeled for each child hidden on the front porch, and the Claus couple puts the gifts in their sack when they arrive at the house. So when they come in and sit to visit with the kids, everyone's got a special surprise. The fact that it's been the same couple in all of our pictures, year after year, has done a lot to perpetuate the myth in our family -- and I LOVE IT!

    My platform is that S.C. doesn't come to your house if you don't believe in him!
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911

    If Santa were real he would have brought me a pony - I've given him 43 years! :santa: "Oh I see Star is asking for a pony again - 43 year in a row.....nnnnnnope." (bwah ho ho)
  11. pnuts

    pnuts New Member

    What do ya mean there is no such thing as Santa... :lights: Ask our kids...They know the drill...if you don't believe in santa then you can't believe you'll get presents. They may not admit it to their friends, but they love the magic of it all... so does this mama claus. Being Santa is so much more fun than waiting for Santa. I still love the look on their faces every christmas morning when the come down stairs to see whats under the tree. I just love Christmas! :shopping:
  12. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Brandyf, you said, "truley if i had to do it over, we would have never started the santa thing. it really turns into trouble quick."

    I'm with you. Not with all the kids necessarily, but certainly difficult child 3. He has enough trouble absorbing fact, to fill his head with fantasy AND TELL HIM IT IS REAL does damage. At some stage, he will be confronted with "there is no Santa/Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy" and be devastated. He will ask, "So what else that you have told me is true, is really all a lie? What does this do to faith?

    I remember being disillusioned with the adults around me, including those at church - so if Santa isn't really real, then what about God? Is that a fantasy too, only you have to be a bit older to 'get' that one?

    If you are raising a child to have faith, and that child is particularly vulnerable where information, honesty, rules etc are concerned (such as in autism) then you are running a terrible risk when that child finally finds out.

    The trouble was, we had little control. We said nothing about Santa - at Christmas, all the gifts were from us to each other - but family friends, teachers, people at church (ironically) all made a big fuss of it and without asking, would say things like, "And what did you ask Santa for this year?"
    Kid then gets the idea, "Hey, there's this bloke who gives kids free stuff, I'll ask for the computer games my parents said they couldn't afford, then my parents won't have to worry."
    If you've ever had to deal with a disappointed autistic child, who has been assured that he will get what he asked for - it is not a pretty sight.

    difficult child 3 still believes in all these things.

    In our household, to avoid the problem of kids HAVING to still believe in order to get a gift from Santa, we told them that Santa stops bringing gifts when you reach high school age (about 13). You still get all you could want from your family, but there are a lot of children in the world and we shouldn't be asking for too much.
    Our kids are happy - the older ones were still getting a Santa gift while secretly sceptical (we knew; difficult child 3 didn't, of course). difficult child 3 didn't get a gift from Santa last year and seemed OK with it because what he DID get from us was exactly what he wanted anyway. We're hoping that as he gets a bit older and a bit more mature, that he will be OK with the truth of it all without feeling lied to.
    difficult child 3 is late getting his adult teeth and still gets visits from the Tooth Fairy; not sure if he still believes. We've been a bit late a few times - or rather, the Tooth Fairy has been a bit late, and snuck the coin into the glass after had had already checked and seen the tooth still there. He seemed to be able to rationalise it, though. And I felt a right idiot, because here I am perpetuating something, because once you start it is very hard to stop.

  13. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Are you sure he said "nnnnnnope!" I thought maybe he said "neigh!" :smile:

    I'm still waiting for him to sprinkle magic dust on husband to turn him into a easy child instead of a difficult child... that's MY wish!
  14. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Marg -

    The tooth fairy is just AWFUL - she's the first person in our lives that tells us it's okay to sell our bodies for money.

    I still think my explanation to difficult child regarding Santa said it very well.

    When confronted at around 8 or 9 in school about the validity of a jolly old man, living at the North Pole, who delivered presents to the entire world, in a sleigh pulled by magical reindeer who knew if he was naughty or nice on the present meter? The boys in school told my son also Santa Claus is NOT real.

    So I got the "MOM tell me - is he real?" and I have no idea where what I said next came from but it was good enough to remember and pass on.

    I looked at my wide eyed little boy and I said "Do you mean is he a person you can touch and talk to?" and he said "Yeah." and I said "Not like you think." Because at this point I am somewhere between wanting my child to have something to believe in but not wanting to tell him something that I felt would be a 1/2 truth. I've never lied to my son.

    "So what is he like?" and I said "Santa is the Spirit of Christmas. Jesus is the reason we celebrate Christmas and Santa is the spirit of giving." Then I told him about the 3 wise men who took presents to the baby Jesus. And I said since the 3 wise men couldn't live forever man was given the Spirit of Giving and the name of that Spirit is Santa Claus. We can't touch him, we can't talk to him, we don't really know if he's there - but we can see him in every day things we do not just at Christmas but all year long."

    If you wanted to you could look up the original St. Nicholas and show him that when that person couldn't live forever he passed the spirit of giving on to other "santas". They are in the mall, at the stores, ringing bells - they are the essence of kindness.

    At 8 I didn't want to get more technical than that - but he looked at me and "got it". When you talk to your children about God and they want to know if GOD is real? They are really asking - can we touch, see, feel? It's difficult to say "Well of course I believe HE exists but Santa is a fraud. It is more readily understood telling children that he's the spirit of Love - because he is.

    And that is your little bible lesson for today. lol.

  15. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Thanks, Star. I was able to do that for difficult child 1, but not for difficult child 3 because it is too abstract for him. That's what I meant about the problem when your kid is autistic - they really can be that concrete.

    Something I HAVE been able to do for him is dig out the "Physics of Santa" email, about how difficult it would be for Santa to get around the world as he does, visit the number of kids he has to do and cope with the acceleration/deceleration of the sleigh, without being a thin red smear on the back.

    But Santa as the spirit of giving - works for me.

    And for the more concrete among us, wondering how to explain God - think Michelson & Morley, the ether concept. They tried to use science to prove the existence of ether, that mythical substance which permeates everything either solid or in vacuum. And they failed. But when you think of it, for most people they view God in the same way. And you can't prove God by using science (or anything else) just as you can't DISPROVE God by using science (or anything else).

    I hadn't thought about the Tooth Fairy as the first example of selling off your body - but in Australia, we don't sell anything else to do with out bodies (apart from maybe prostitution - and there, the women aren't actually leaving anything behind, they're simply renting rather than selling). All our organ transplants, blood transfusions - all donated, nothing is ever purchased. A heart transplant costs enough, without having to buy the heart as well. After all, what does the original owner want with the money? Or the heart?

    But it's a good point. I just wish this hadn't been started by other people, we'd been keeping our mouths shut about Tooth fairy, can't remember who was the idiot who told difficult child 3.

  16. BrettsMomgonenuts

    BrettsMomgonenuts New Member

    You mean santa isnt real? i refuse to believe that! lol, and star dont give up on the pony yet,i have it under good authority im getting my unicorn this year... Brandy that was just mean of your childs teacher to do that. I got a little mad reading it even.