Brandyf, you said, "truley if i had to do it over, we would have never started the santa thing. it really turns into trouble quick."
I'm with you. Not with all the kids necessarily, but certainly difficult child 3. He has enough trouble absorbing fact, to fill his head with fantasy AND TELL HIM IT IS REAL does damage. At some stage, he will be confronted with "there is no Santa/Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy" and be devastated. He will ask, "So what else that you have told me is true, is really all a lie? What does this do to faith?
I remember being disillusioned with the adults around me, including those at church - so if Santa isn't really real, then what about God? Is that a fantasy too, only you have to be a bit older to 'get' that one?
If you are raising a child to have faith, and that child is particularly vulnerable where information, honesty, rules etc are concerned (such as in autism) then you are running a terrible risk when that child finally finds out.
The trouble was, we had little control. We said nothing about Santa - at Christmas, all the gifts were from us to each other - but family friends, teachers, people at church (ironically) all made a big fuss of it and without asking, would say things like, "And what did you ask Santa for this year?"
Kid then gets the idea, "Hey, there's this bloke who gives kids free stuff, I'll ask for the computer games my parents said they couldn't afford, then my parents won't have to worry."
If you've ever had to deal with a disappointed autistic child, who has been assured that he will get what he asked for - it is not a pretty sight.
difficult child 3 still believes in all these things.
In our household, to avoid the problem of kids HAVING to still believe in order to get a gift from Santa, we told them that Santa stops bringing gifts when you reach high school age (about 13). You still get all you could want from your family, but there are a lot of children in the world and we shouldn't be asking for too much.
Our kids are happy - the older ones were still getting a Santa gift while secretly sceptical (we knew; difficult child 3 didn't, of course). difficult child 3 didn't get a gift from Santa last year and seemed OK with it because what he DID get from us was exactly what he wanted anyway. We're hoping that as he gets a bit older and a bit more mature, that he will be OK with the truth of it all without feeling lied to.
difficult child 3 is late getting his adult teeth and still gets visits from the Tooth Fairy; not sure if he still believes. We've been a bit late a few times - or rather, the Tooth Fairy has been a bit late, and snuck the coin into the glass after had had already checked and seen the tooth still there. He seemed to be able to rationalise it, though. And I felt a right idiot, because here I am perpetuating something, because once you start it is very hard to stop.
Marg