Kinda creepy... two ex boyfriend's sort of cross my path in the past few weeks...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by gcvmom, Apr 19, 2011.

  1. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    And these were THE TWO who broke my heart so completely and left me with unresolved baggage that's managed to bounce around in my head all these years... GAH! One I was in the convenience-dating phase (you know, the phase where you've broken up awhile ago but you keep going back for more -- it was really like an addiction by that point) when I met husband. The other I was dating shortly before I met the other one -- college sweetheart you could say. The first one who ever talked about the "marriage" word. The first one I actually thought of as a "soul mate." And maybe he was back then. Never been quite so affected by someone as I was those two particular people. Maybe it was the formative time in my life... the experiences I had with each of them... the way they both managed to damage my trust... I really wish I could turn off my brain sometimes.

    The first one popped back into my head when his old roommate contacted me out of the blue on FB a few weeks ago. And of course he mentions "HIM." That was a shock after 23 years. And then tonight, I was directly reminded of the other one when my girlfriend called to say that HE stopped by her place to visit today with his daughter. He lives overseas now, but just like that he's visiting after all these years (probalby been over 20 since she heard or saw him last). She left me a message to say she wanted to fill me in on how that visit went.

    I don't want to think about these people, but I find myself going back in time and it's really a kind of sick torture at this point.

    I used to think about them more when things between husband and I were bad. But they're pretty good now, and I really don't want to go down that road in my head!

    But it's like when someone tells you not to think of elephants, and all you can think about is elephants... :groan:Somebody stop me!
     
  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    The more I think about this... although part of me has looked back and wondered "what if," I finally am feeling like these reminders of the past are meant to bring into focus the blessings I have in front of me.
     
  3. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I sometimes find it easier to think of such experiences as things you needed to learn to make your life work later.
     
  4. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Perhaps there is something unresolved/finished for you in connection with these relationships and the physical reappearance of these men is inviting you to look at what "comes up" for you and make peace with it?
     
  5. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I think that might be a downfall of fb. I have a friend who has reached out to many old flames and found herself what-iffing herself to death. (not that you did this, but fb makes those fleeting thoughts of "wonder where.....is" really easy to act on and the floodgates open...

    Hope today is better.
     
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I think many of us have thought of the "what if's"...especially when our current status was "iffy". In my case (not to say it's true in yours) I found myself slightly mourning my old self. Sounds a bit silly. As we make choices, or choices are made for us, we leave behind youthful trust and the innocent belief that the world is our apple. Following the road to maturity we learn to adapt to the situations we are in. I was so full of hope. I had no idea how the deck would be played. on the other hand I was positive that
    my life would be awesome. Leaving that concept behind was not easy. Looking back causes reflection. DDD
     
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I tend to be a "what if" kinda gal. When I got the computer I tried to look up people I knew back when I was a teen. Never found anyone...lol. Then came FB and I was so sure I would based on some of you guy's experiences. I havent had as much luck. I did manage to find one person who knew one of my old boyfriends. I was ecstatic.

    I noticed in this guy..lets call him Wiz for short, that he had a person in his friends list with the same last name as my old boyfriend but this person was way too young to be my old boyfriend...son perhaps? About the right age I was thinking.

    So I asked Wiz if he ever heard of my boyfriend and I was told yes but that J was a very private person and didnt use any social networks. Hmmm. Okay. I told him that was ok but if he felt comfortable with it would he pass on a message from me. This guys was really probably my biggest first love even if he wasnt my first sexual partner. I told him to let J know that I had thought of him often over the years and always hoped he was doing well. I really hoped he was happy and wanted him to know he had given me some of the best memories of my life. That if he ever wanted to contact me to chat, wiz could give him my email...purely platonic...have a life with 3 grown boys and 3 grandkids.

    Well not a few days later I am at my Dads house after he died and was talking to my step mom and found out that right after I broke up with J...which wasnt a pretty break up by the way...very hard and emotional. My mom sent him a box filled with dog poo! OMG! Im sure he thinks I sent it. She probably put my name on it. No wonder he doesnt want to hear from me. Sigh. No wonder no one wants to hear from me, she probably did that to everyone I knew.
     
  8. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    OMG Janet! I don't know whether to laugh or cry!?!?! That's awful (altho done to the right person, could be funny...ugh!)
     
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Personally? I think you did rather well with Hubby, and ya know - before FB - there were PLllllllllllllllenty of ways for anyone to find anyone if they REALLY wanted to. (trust me on that I know)

    So Yeah - I think you'd be better off just chalking this up to random co-inky-dink - and really?

    I'd just keep thinking about elephants......or stair baskets.........or chicken poop, or ebay - or something else. I recently passed a guy I dated years ago also, and it was really odd. My eyes and mouth said "Hey jerk." and my mind was like - "Who was that?" and it took about 10 minutes for it to register in my mind who it actually was -------because he looked SO bad, AND I looked so good." hahahaha. ahem. (Finally score one for the chubby girl)

    YOU GO CHICKY MOM! Successful, beautiful, talented, wonderful, adored by thousands......tell ole whats his face to fling poo. You're taken.
     
  10. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Don't go there. I understand your feelings. I have two old flames too that I fear that I will just freeze in my tracks if I ever saw either of them again. Fortunately, for me, none of my friends really knew either of them. Still, they are both from my area. Don't torture yourself. You are happy and your family is doing well. Be at peace with that, rather than torture yourself with the what-ifs.
     
  11. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Janet....GCV -

    I swear when I wrote the fling poo thing ? I did NOT read Janets poo post. ROFLM box of goodies off.
     
  12. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    Wow! I only have 2 ex-boyfriends other than H! One I speak to fairly frequently as we live in the same town and are in the same field. The other I saw about a year ago for literally the first time in 25 years and hope to never see again.
     
  13. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I like the way you're thinking! :thumbsup:
     
  14. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    My 1st Ex added me on FB, and shortly after he IM'd me... and soon started asking how I look these days and asking for photos. As in, not the kind of photos you can post on FB. Umm... yeah, don't think my boyfriend or your 3rd wife would appreciate (and the unspoken thanks for reminding me why we're divorced). I ended up receiving friend requests from his 2nd ex and current wife not long after. Guess some things don't change judging from their posts, lol!
     
  15. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Oh, there's definitely unresolved stuff. Things that didn't get said. Questions that didn't get asked or answered. Yada, yada, yada.

    I think I can safely say that the one I thought I might have married back in college would not have made me happy, based on where he is in life today and what he doesn't have in his life (namely, children). Ironic that my family and I have been in the town where he lives twice in the past 5 years and didn't even know it!

    And the other one... the one that lives overseas, well, there's a lot of curiosity still on my part for what my life could have been like married to a multi-millionaire who (before he was hugely successful) attracted me like a moth to a flame, even after we split the first time. The second time was when I realized things between husband and I were getting really serious. Took him by surprise, I think, that I was calling it quits again.

    My girlfriend said he actually asked about me during their visit. Did my best to be as blase and unaffected by her information as I could. I actually wish she hadn't told me a thing...

    Well, all this stuff rattling around in my head would certainly make good fodder for movie script...
     
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