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Parent Emeritus
Kinda long but need some advice...thanks in advance
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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 362663" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>As you may remember, husband and I had a similar situation (with-o violence involved). This is what we did. Ant's Mom followed this route too, by the way.The key in both cases was the motivation of the bioMom is the most important factor. Both Moms were too busy to parent. Both Moms would have fought and fought custody. Both Momsneeded to save face. Both Moms were eager to have the money and perks of parenting.So.....what worked was a Durable Power of Attorney. That allowed the grandparent to makeall decisions (medical, school, sports participation etc.). The children lived with us but the Momhad liberal rights. The Mom was able to tell friends "with my busy work schedule I just didn't feel I could make sure X had the structure he needed so I'm allowing my Mom to pick up the slack". There was a huge effort to make sure that the bioMom had saved face, kept the $$'s, and was able to feel superior for allowing the unorthodox arrangement.Even though the "grandparent" is in actuality "the parent" it is important to be prepared for coparenting when the bioMom wants to show off the child, "play Mom on special occasions"etc. The parent can legally take the child at will but if your bioMom is like our bioMoms shewill be relieved to be free of daily parenting...and having the bucks in hand, to<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite12" alt="o_O" title="Er... what? o_O" loading="lazy" data-shortname="o_O" />ur grandsons are now 23 and 19. They both love their Mom. The 19 year old, sadly, chose to go live with his Mom during his senior year of high school. The 23 year old still lives with us due to his Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) etc. but visits his Mom usually once a week. Antsmom kept her grandson for a number of years and once her son Ant got out of prison and proved himself capable of being a parent, he took over. The family all gets along well. in my humble opinion the most important aspect is that the child feel safe and secure as well as loved by everyone. Good luck. DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 362663, member: 35"] As you may remember, husband and I had a similar situation (with-o violence involved). This is what we did. Ant's Mom followed this route too, by the way.The key in both cases was the motivation of the bioMom is the most important factor. Both Moms were too busy to parent. Both Moms would have fought and fought custody. Both Momsneeded to save face. Both Moms were eager to have the money and perks of parenting.So.....what worked was a Durable Power of Attorney. That allowed the grandparent to makeall decisions (medical, school, sports participation etc.). The children lived with us but the Momhad liberal rights. The Mom was able to tell friends "with my busy work schedule I just didn't feel I could make sure X had the structure he needed so I'm allowing my Mom to pick up the slack". There was a huge effort to make sure that the bioMom had saved face, kept the $$'s, and was able to feel superior for allowing the unorthodox arrangement.Even though the "grandparent" is in actuality "the parent" it is important to be prepared for coparenting when the bioMom wants to show off the child, "play Mom on special occasions"etc. The parent can legally take the child at will but if your bioMom is like our bioMoms shewill be relieved to be free of daily parenting...and having the bucks in hand, too.Our grandsons are now 23 and 19. They both love their Mom. The 19 year old, sadly, chose to go live with his Mom during his senior year of high school. The 23 year old still lives with us due to his Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) etc. but visits his Mom usually once a week. Antsmom kept her grandson for a number of years and once her son Ant got out of prison and proved himself capable of being a parent, he took over. The family all gets along well. in my humble opinion the most important aspect is that the child feel safe and secure as well as loved by everyone. Good luck. DDD [/QUOTE]
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Kinda long but need some advice...thanks in advance
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