My meaning is not to bash AA. I'm happy for everyone who founds sobriety through their program. And I understand that availability and affordability are huge pluses. I'm just not sold to their program and first I will tell you why. I have to say, I don't have that much personal experience with AA/twelve steps. Some al-anon meetings mostly. I have a very close friend who was coerced to attending AA for two years and it really didn't work for her but made her worse. She got sober later on her own. (By the way, just quitting on their own is the most common way to get clean in all the studies I have seen.) And her experiences are a big part why I didn't want my difficult child close to twelve steps. They share some character traits that I think are rather ill-fitting with AA. That of course doesn't mean that AA wouldn't work well for someone else. I just have very much doubts with my passive-aggressive, petulant, rebellious teen son, who doesn't have much faith to higher powers and who is science orientated.
My other big problem with AA is that same personality structure (I'm bit more mature than my son though.) I want scientific evidence. AA approach can be very dogmatic and I don't totally agree with their views with addiction. And I don't like it, when AA considers itself an authority in matters about who is 'a true addict' (and who is apparently imposter) and how someone who doesn't recover in the way AA sees only possibility 'never being a true addict.' Same goes with with AA defining sobriety in their own way and calling others just 'dry' if they are not believing AA, working twelve steps or if they are for example using medications. I also have a problem with how twelve steps are stuck to the idea of sober date and trying to force it to everyone. Approach there a short relapse for example every two years somehow minimizes or makes even naught all the success of the rest of the time, and forcing it to others, also feels quite hostile. I also don't think it would be beneficial for example for my son to try to sell him a model there he should spend regular, significant time going over his gambling, talking about it etc. the rest of his life. To my common sense that in fact would keep gambling fresh in his mind as a possible solution to his problems and make urges worse, not less. I also anticipated my son would have slips and relapses and I feel twelve steps tend to make too big of the deal out of them. They are likely to happen with most of addicts and I find approach, there the idea is get quickly over them, learn from them and go back to normal more beneficial.
I didn't write any of above to bash AA and certainly not it's members. But I wanted to tell my reasons why I rather have my son in other programs. The programs my son has used are not any worldwide models, but part of local health care. First he was in intensive program (weekend camps, phone and online meetings, working the workbook etc.) for gamblers under local University Hospital. After that his continued treatment is under his local hospital's addictive medicine department (his treating MD is psychiatrist specialised in youth addiction medicine and he has regularly met a counsellor whose is also specialised to addicted youths.) Both programs are based on scientific studies about addiction and likely to change according to new information. We were given a lot of material shared also by SMART Recovery, if that is something some of you are familiar with. The principals are similar, but my difficult child's treatment is under everyday, local public health care.
What I do like a lot in this type of treatment is lack of 'hysterics' and scaring. It much more matter of fact than many other. Very similar to treatment of other health problems. It's not like they would deny the dangers (with gambling the suicide rate is really scary), but they are not flaunted any more than possibility of death is flaunted to breast cancer patients by their doctors. It is also not all or nothing attitude, but the goal is to minimize the hazards. In my son's case only way to do so is to not gamble. But no one is going into hysterics for example him playing cards without stakes with friends to kill time. He is also encourage to take actions and use 'crutches' to help him to get over urges and avoid relapsing. It's not considered a failure to use medical or technological help to make it impossible to relapse, but a smart move to control your addiction. Addiction is also seen as something one can have control of. It's maladaptive behaviour and one can get over it and learn better ways to deal. Addiction also don't have to be a central point of your life rest of your life.
