kt overheard husband & I discussing....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Apr 15, 2007.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    the Don Imus situation. I commented that many young women didn't appreciate the battles that women in history took on for us to get the vote, access to birth control, equal pay, freedom from harassment, etc.

    I further commented on the demeaning images in the media that portrays young women as objects to be used - told husband I found this very disturbing. These young women seem to be accepting of this as the norm.

    Of course, my hyper-aware ktbug (in the living room with television blasting) came in with question after question.

    Our conversation came down to self respect. While I am not a militant feminist, there are times I feel that I must present a militant attitude toward kt for her to understand the concept of self respect for her body, her emotions - her life as a whole.

    It was hard to balance this & let kt know that not all of the male gender treat women as "ho's" or their "b*tch's". (kt has heard this type of talk at school/day treatment when boys are describing their girlfriends.)

    Have you found a good way to discuss this with your daughters - difficult child or not?
     
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Fortunately or unfortunately my difficult child follows through her holier than though - nobody tells me what to do - I know better than you - difficult child ways right to her boyfriend relationships. She takes charge and is in control. Ugh! Wish there was a balance though.

    I do fear THE boy that changes that attitude, because again I think it will not be balanced. That boy will be the one in control I fear.
     
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Linda

    I'm having a hard time with the self worth issue with N.

    easy child went thru it for a bit. Oddly easy child said we went along with how the guys treated her cuz around here it's not unusual. Her first b/f was a spoiled piece of work. Took 3 yrs of subtle advice when the opportunity presented itself to convice her she didn't deserve that type of treatment. I had to use ALOT of examples of "normal" male/female relationships to finally get thru to her. Once she dumped the boy she's never let someone treat her like that again.

    I'm using the same type of thing with N. I don't know how else to approach it. The issue didn't come up with my girls til there was a b/f treating them badly. Then you have to tread carefully so they don't start defending the guy. And N's is more complicated because of the baby.

    I think it's a good thing that kt has no problem coming to you with her questions. I'm glad you got to start talking about this before a b/f enters the picture.
     
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Linda

    I'm having a hard time with the self worth issue with N.

    easy child went thru it for a bit. Oddly easy child said we went along with how the guys treated her cuz around here it's not unusual. Her first b/f was a spoiled piece of work. Took 3 yrs of subtle advice when the opportunity presented itself to convice her she didn't deserve that type of treatment. I had to use ALOT of examples of "normal" male/female relationships to finally get thru to her. Once she dumped the boy she's never let someone treat her like that again.

    I'm using the same type of thing with N. I don't know how else to approach it. The issue didn't come up with my girls til there was a b/f treating them badly. Then you have to tread carefully so they don't start defending the guy. And N's is more complicated because of the baby.

    I think it's a good thing that kt has no problem coming to you with her questions. I'm glad you got to start talking about this before a b/f enters the picture.
     
  5. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I think that presenting positive role models is essential. I think travel and experiences outside of the small town atmosphere has given my daughter the knowledge that life has more to offer. I also believe that focusing on education and passion is important. Everyone has a passion---dance, singing, cooking....find a way to make those thing a intrical part of your daughter's life. I also talked about the difference between respect and popularity. I empahsized that respect will last a lifetime and popularity fades.
     
  6. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    It becomes a balancing act as to what kt can "handle" informtion wise.

    Her Vineland II scale currently places her at 4.9 years of age on average over the entire realm.

    Her expressive, receptive & listening skills are so sub par it isn't funny; her maladaptive behaviors are clinically significant for 24/7 supervision. (Like we didn't know that.)

    This, along with budding puberty, puts her at such high risk for media impressions - for allowing any boy who shows her any attention of any kind; good or bad.

    Thanks for the feedback.
     
  7. Hanging-On

    Hanging-On New Member

    I think "Today's" society has allowed some very bad language, images, and mannerism into the mainstream. I have boys, not girls, but I still found the remarks wrong. For this reason I disconnected us from the radio and tv years ago because of the messages that are being presented on the airwaves. I also moved us out into the country away from "modern" society influences. I don't let them listen to rap music, I think it's exteremely angry negative disrepectful sexest violent garbage. We don't have cable, only a dvd player and "I" pick the programs they watch. Interestingly, since I disconnected us from cable, we don't watch tv much anymore (0-5 hrs per week). I make them go outside and play, or build something out of clay, etc. I know that we have come far in not using the "n" word, and treating minorities better (at least this is what the propaganda says), but I think we are just substituting one mean disrespectful word and image with another. And the new words and images are worse then the first ones, like the creators are trying to push the envelope to see how far they can go. This "testing" per se is not benefiting our society, but making it worse...my 2 cents.

    What ever happened to "Yes, mamam, Yes sir,please, thank-you, your welcome, excuse me, girl or lady, boy or man...instead of ho and hood"?
     
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Linda,
    I agree that it's good kt came to you. I really should talk to easy child about the whole situation-she hasn't brought it up-not even sure she knows about it.
     
  9. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Sharon,

    As I said, kt overheard husband & I talking. However, I've felt the need to teach kt that the media images aren't the real world. That as a "young woman" (achhh!) she deserves & should demand respect. Her body is hers & hers alone.

    I guess I'm very sensitive to this issue because of kt's hx of abuse & her high risk of "looking for love in all the wrong places".

    So, for us, this has turned into a bigger discussion - self respect & being respectful of her body.

    I'm done with this discussion for today with kt. She's still intrigued - it's that budding body thing. :smile:

     
  10. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I think you did exactly the right thing in answering her questions when she came to you.

    Because of where we live, we spend a lot of time driving in the car. I often use this time to just talk, about similar things. We go where the conversation leads us.

    I do know that this is one area where socially, Australia and the US are hugely different. While our menfolk are allegedly notorious for not respecting women (Aussie joke: What is Aussie fore play? A: "Brace yourself, Raeleen!") the picture is actually not that bad.
    In schools, only a small section of classroom males are disrespectful of females. Some of this is racial/cultural, but only a subset of that particular racial/cultural group, too. And our legal system (and their own community system) is now coming down on this, hard.
    We have lots of rap, but we don't hear words like "ho" and "b*tch" (unless we're referring to farm tools, or girls being catty to one another). OK, we have other derogatory terms, but very few girls will respond favourable to them and the boys soon learn that the fastest way to get no action is to use such words to a girl.

    Some of our girls are "tarts", "molls", or just plain cheap and trashy. Just LOOKING a certain way can get a girl a reputation. And yes, a lot of our girls are sexually active in mid-teens or even earlier. I suspect that if I discuss this with easy child 2/difficult child 2 she'll be more capable of a comparison.

    But grabbing every opportunity to talk, when our kids open the door - fabulous.

    I'll have to read up on this thing you're talking about. We have our own female role models, including some modern ones.

    Marg
     
  11. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    :surprise: Posts like this make me hope Duckie stays six forever! :smile:
     
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