Last night surprised us. This morning back to the same old.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by StressedM0mma, Mar 18, 2013.

  1. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Last night difficult child was really tired, but so needed a shower. Said she was going to take one. (She SMELLED!) Then husband went up to give her her medsd and she pulled the I'll do it in the morning. He just told her fine, but you need to follow through with this in order for me to begin to trust you. Well, imagine our utter surprise when she left her room, and got in on her own. I thought I had died!! (How completely sad that a shower can evoke that kind of emotion.)

    Was kind of hoping this morning would be better, but no such luck as of yet. She SWEARS she will be on time. I hate the constant panic surrounding her. I really wish that husband would stay home and help with her in the mornings. He seems to "get her" better, and she responds better to him. But, he has other priorities. I know it is wrong, but I have done all of the begging I can. If I could figure out a way to get him to help I would. It would definitely lessen my daily panic attack.
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I hear you! I would make it more of a priority to have him home at least once a wk.
    Counseling? Tears? Whatever it takes.
  3. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    I have been trying. He just refuses to do it. He is normally very good with her. But, this morning I had to bring her back home. She would not go in, and I kept calling him, and he was too busy at the gym to answer. So, home we came. And, I thought he would be a calming effect on her. But for some reason, he just went at her. So now she is super ****** up in her room. So now I need to get her back downstairs so that I can monitor that she is actually doing school work. That vacation I mentioned, it cannot come soon enough. (too bad it is just in my mind)

    I really really need to find a boarding facility for this child. She needs to do some major self examination and growing up, and it is not happening here.
  4. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    We must be married to medication cut from the same mold! Since we sent difficult child to psychiatric ER last week he's helped me. Little bit, but yesterday it was right back to the same old same old. This morning I was asking him about this program that the ER nurse gave me a brochure about and husband's answer to me was, "If this is what you want to do," and I lost it. I yelled at him. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!! I HAVE BEEN TELLING YOU THAT FOR MONTH AND YOU DON'T LISTEN TO ME!" Honestly, I don't know who I'm more frustrated with right now: difficult child or husband.
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Dear husband, I am honestly becoming ill over this situation. You're going to have to take over because I'm taking a three month trip to (mother's? a convent/spiritual retreat?, whatever) I'll see you when I get home.
  6. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Ah I love that Buddy. Perfect, can you just see the jaw hitting the floor. lol
  7. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Buddy, I actually told husband that on Sat. He about wrecked the car. I said I was going to go to my mom's for a week or 2 and the two of them could figure out what was going on. I am sick to my stomach constantly. And I always seem to be on the verge of tears. And, I cannot cry infront of difficult child, because that just gives her more power and amps her up. She says I try to make everyone feel bad, and that is why I cry. No. I cry because I am so sad about the situation.
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member


    Trust me on that. We have come to expect our difficult child kids to behave in difficult child fashion. We don't have to LIKE it, but we do expect it.

    husband on the other hand... he's an ADULT. An equal partner in this parenting equation, right?
    (oh, sorry, forgot... some of those difficult child genes came from husband, right???)
  9. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    Not according to my husband.
  10. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member




    Right. Just like my daughter didn't pick up her "clean house" genes from me (as in, neither of us have that, and husband does...)
  11. greenrene

    greenrene Member

    Let me get this straight.

    You get little to no support from the school to get difficult child into school. (You should DEFINITELY be documenting each and every instance where nobody comes to help you!!)

    You get little to no support from your husband to get difficult child into school. (Document these instances also)

    You are stressed out to the point of feeling like you are having a daily panic attack about getting difficult child into school.

    Maybe, for your own sanity, it's time to take a HUGE step back. It's not good or right that this BS is taking such a huge toll on you. Of course the first and best action, in my humble opinion, would be to follow through - go visit your mom! Invent a health issue where your mom needs your help if you must. Hell, stay a month! husband and difficult child are both old enough to fend for themselves. It peeves me off that your husband is "too busy at the gym" to help you deal with getting difficult child to school. That's total BS. Must be nice for him!

    Another option - become the chauffeur and NOTHING else regarding school. Put ALL the rest of it on your difficult child and the school, where it belongs. You say that difficult child swears she will be on time. Tell her fine, and that's it. Don't get onto her any more. Make sure you're ready to go when it's time to go, and let her be ready or not. If she's not ready, not your problem. Take her to school in her pajamas if you have to. If she refuses to get in the car, call the school for help. If they won't help you, document it. You might need to call the police station to see what options there are for school refusal. If she refuses to get out of the car at school and nobody is there to help you, I'd be very tempted to park my car right up front in the fire lane and sit and calmly read a book until she either gets out or someone helps you.

    For your own sanity, it definitely sounds like it could be time for some tough love. Or at least a trip to your mom's.
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Then do it
    Nothing worse will happen and you'll get a break. Remember when he drove when she was at iop? You said she did so much better with him.
    I also think you could call a taxi. She's not gonna sit in there and refuse to come out. Especially if you pay only cash for one way!
  13. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Green, I would absolutely love to do all of those things, but as of right now, it isn't going to happen. Physically she is too large to get into the car. I have argued begged and bargained with husband for help, and it isn't going to happen. He knows how hard it is on me, his excuse is that his job is extremely stressful, and he needs that time to decompress.

    I am keeping track of her attendance, and everytime I call into school and ask for someone to come and get her. I would love for her to have someone else to take her to school (friend/neighbor) but I can't ask someone else to get into this mess. So, right now it is on me.