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Last Night's therapist Appointment
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<blockquote data-quote="soapbox" data-source="post: 484298" data-attributes="member: 13003"><p>Bunny...</p><p></p><p>Mind if I come at this from a different perspective?</p><p>Because I think there's a whole lot more going on here, than what anybody sees yet.</p><p></p><p>His words about "choosing" to behave that way? May in fact just be echoing what he's been told at school for so many years that he's actually come to believe it is true - not because it IS true.</p><p></p><p>Behaving at school and not at home... is a classical survival technique. He "has" to behave at school - or be in major trouble with his peers (who matter more than the teachers). It is also a sign of burn-out, anxiety, and fatigue. He has to pour so much effort into school just to "tread water", that there IS nothing left for at home. And the huge anxiety about what the day is <em>going to</em> hold is enough to generate behavior issues at the start of the day.</p><p></p><p>He's 12. Starting from about age 9 or so, it is NOT at all uncommon for kids who have been "hanging on by their nails", to start falling of the edge. The work load is increasing at an ever-faster pace. Prior gaps in skills are showing up. Poor coping skills are coming back to haunt him. He's in trouble, and he knows it. </p><p></p><p>BUT... he doesn't really know it. Because he's been told that he "can" do better if he just tries harder, and he's bought into it... but in reality, he CAN'T do it. You haven't caught this, so haven't done anything to fix it (or, as often happens, you HAVE tried but nothing made any positive difference). Therefore, he has concluded that YOU are the problem. This can lead to issues with attachment. Not that he would be Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) or anything remotely close... but rather, insecurely attached, which doesn't provide the base he needs given his challenges.</p><p></p><p>Next... the burnout/anxiety/fatigue issue.</p><p></p><p>Has he ever had a comprehensive evaluation? A really thorough one? Like, have they actually (recently - not 5 years ago) ruled out everything on the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) spectrum? and ruled out from ADHD? and learning disabilities?</p><p>While we're at it, has he ever been tested for APDs, especially auditory figure ground (where they can hear fine, and process language fine, but can't pick up spoken language in a noisy environment... and modern classrooms are notoriously noisy)?</p><p>How about sleep issues... not just quantity of sleep, but also quality. If he's off even by a bit (due to staying up too late on the computer, for example), it adds up fast.</p><p></p><p>I do not trust the whole ODD label. I think I've run into a total of ONE case that was probably accurate... all the others were either mis-labelled, or done on purpose as a placeholder diagnosis until the proper source(s) of the problem could be found. Have you ruled out every single other possibility on the planet? If not... I'd be trying.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="soapbox, post: 484298, member: 13003"] Bunny... Mind if I come at this from a different perspective? Because I think there's a whole lot more going on here, than what anybody sees yet. His words about "choosing" to behave that way? May in fact just be echoing what he's been told at school for so many years that he's actually come to believe it is true - not because it IS true. Behaving at school and not at home... is a classical survival technique. He "has" to behave at school - or be in major trouble with his peers (who matter more than the teachers). It is also a sign of burn-out, anxiety, and fatigue. He has to pour so much effort into school just to "tread water", that there IS nothing left for at home. And the huge anxiety about what the day is [I]going to[/I] hold is enough to generate behavior issues at the start of the day. He's 12. Starting from about age 9 or so, it is NOT at all uncommon for kids who have been "hanging on by their nails", to start falling of the edge. The work load is increasing at an ever-faster pace. Prior gaps in skills are showing up. Poor coping skills are coming back to haunt him. He's in trouble, and he knows it. BUT... he doesn't really know it. Because he's been told that he "can" do better if he just tries harder, and he's bought into it... but in reality, he CAN'T do it. You haven't caught this, so haven't done anything to fix it (or, as often happens, you HAVE tried but nothing made any positive difference). Therefore, he has concluded that YOU are the problem. This can lead to issues with attachment. Not that he would be Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) or anything remotely close... but rather, insecurely attached, which doesn't provide the base he needs given his challenges. Next... the burnout/anxiety/fatigue issue. Has he ever had a comprehensive evaluation? A really thorough one? Like, have they actually (recently - not 5 years ago) ruled out everything on the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) spectrum? and ruled out from ADHD? and learning disabilities? While we're at it, has he ever been tested for APDs, especially auditory figure ground (where they can hear fine, and process language fine, but can't pick up spoken language in a noisy environment... and modern classrooms are notoriously noisy)? How about sleep issues... not just quantity of sleep, but also quality. If he's off even by a bit (due to staying up too late on the computer, for example), it adds up fast. I do not trust the whole ODD label. I think I've run into a total of ONE case that was probably accurate... all the others were either mis-labelled, or done on purpose as a placeholder diagnosis until the proper source(s) of the problem could be found. Have you ruled out every single other possibility on the planet? If not... I'd be trying. [/QUOTE]
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