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Last Night's therapist Appointment
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<blockquote data-quote="Bunny" data-source="post: 484343"><p>Soapbox, I appreciate anyone's perspective. Thank you.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>He was actually evaluated in August of 2010, so it's been just over a year. I asked that he be tested for all of these things and everything came back as okay. He is pretty good about going to sleep. In our house, bed time is bed time, no if, ands, or buts. He falls asleep fairly quickly, but he is a VERY light sleeper. There are nights when he tells me that he woke up in the middle of the night for some reason (he can't seem to tell me exactly what woke him up) and that some of those times he has trouble falling back to sleep, so that might be something to think about and bring up to the therapist.</p><p></p><p>I do understand that he has spent a great deal of energy holding himself together all day long and that when he comes home he is wound up tight like a rubber band. He doesn't want to be different from the other kids (even though I think that he realizes that he is in some ways) and he doesn't want the teachers to know what he's like at home (too late! Several of them have been told) so he tried hard to be like everybody else. Since home is his "soft place to land" (I am really beginning to HATE that phrase) when he walks through the door it's safe for him to unwind, so to speak, and I get the brunt of the bad behavior. </p><p></p><p>"He's 12. Starting from about age 9 or so, it is NOT at all uncommon for kids who have been "hanging on by their nails", to start falling of the edge. The work load is increasing at an ever-faster pace. Prior gaps in skills are showing up. Poor coping skills are coming back to haunt him. He's in trouble, and he knows it. "</p><p></p><p>This is something that I would agree with, but he's been like this since he was a toddler. He was in first grade (6 years old) and I went to the sd literally begging for help with him. Unfortunately, because he was no trouble in school they basically told me that he was not their problem and to go figure it out on my own. Their advice was to be a better disciplinarian. That was not really the answer. Obviously, as he has gotten older he's gotten worse than he was when he was a toddler.</p><p></p><p>"BUT... he doesn't really know it. Because he's been told that he "can" do better if he just tries harder, and he's bought into it... but in reality, he CAN'T do it. You haven't caught this, so haven't done anything to fix it (or, as often happens, you HAVE tried but nothing made any positive difference). Therefore, he has concluded that YOU are the problem. This can lead to issues with attachment. Not that he would be Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) or anything remotely close... but rather, insecurely attached, which doesn't provide the base he needs given his challenges."</p><p></p><p>I totally agree with you here, because he does lay the blame for all of his issues squarely at my feet and has gone on recently about how no ones loves him and he does not feel loves like easy child is loved. I think that part of the reason he feels this way is because he says that easy child is treated better than he is, but I have said that the reason it looks that way to him is that easy child behaves better. easy child does what is asked of him with very little complaint (most of the time). difficult child, on the other hand, tantrums over the littlest request sometimes and then can't understand why we're angry with him. So, he figures that easy child is loved more than he is. But he either can't or won't see that our reactions towards him are based on his rudeness and disrespect towards us. When he is polite to us, he is treated with love and respect, but he can't seem to make that correlation.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Bunny, post: 484343"] Soapbox, I appreciate anyone's perspective. Thank you. He was actually evaluated in August of 2010, so it's been just over a year. I asked that he be tested for all of these things and everything came back as okay. He is pretty good about going to sleep. In our house, bed time is bed time, no if, ands, or buts. He falls asleep fairly quickly, but he is a VERY light sleeper. There are nights when he tells me that he woke up in the middle of the night for some reason (he can't seem to tell me exactly what woke him up) and that some of those times he has trouble falling back to sleep, so that might be something to think about and bring up to the therapist. I do understand that he has spent a great deal of energy holding himself together all day long and that when he comes home he is wound up tight like a rubber band. He doesn't want to be different from the other kids (even though I think that he realizes that he is in some ways) and he doesn't want the teachers to know what he's like at home (too late! Several of them have been told) so he tried hard to be like everybody else. Since home is his "soft place to land" (I am really beginning to HATE that phrase) when he walks through the door it's safe for him to unwind, so to speak, and I get the brunt of the bad behavior. "He's 12. Starting from about age 9 or so, it is NOT at all uncommon for kids who have been "hanging on by their nails", to start falling of the edge. The work load is increasing at an ever-faster pace. Prior gaps in skills are showing up. Poor coping skills are coming back to haunt him. He's in trouble, and he knows it. " This is something that I would agree with, but he's been like this since he was a toddler. He was in first grade (6 years old) and I went to the sd literally begging for help with him. Unfortunately, because he was no trouble in school they basically told me that he was not their problem and to go figure it out on my own. Their advice was to be a better disciplinarian. That was not really the answer. Obviously, as he has gotten older he's gotten worse than he was when he was a toddler. "BUT... he doesn't really know it. Because he's been told that he "can" do better if he just tries harder, and he's bought into it... but in reality, he CAN'T do it. You haven't caught this, so haven't done anything to fix it (or, as often happens, you HAVE tried but nothing made any positive difference). Therefore, he has concluded that YOU are the problem. This can lead to issues with attachment. Not that he would be Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) or anything remotely close... but rather, insecurely attached, which doesn't provide the base he needs given his challenges." I totally agree with you here, because he does lay the blame for all of his issues squarely at my feet and has gone on recently about how no ones loves him and he does not feel loves like easy child is loved. I think that part of the reason he feels this way is because he says that easy child is treated better than he is, but I have said that the reason it looks that way to him is that easy child behaves better. easy child does what is asked of him with very little complaint (most of the time). difficult child, on the other hand, tantrums over the littlest request sometimes and then can't understand why we're angry with him. So, he figures that easy child is loved more than he is. But he either can't or won't see that our reactions towards him are based on his rudeness and disrespect towards us. When he is polite to us, he is treated with love and respect, but he can't seem to make that correlation. [/QUOTE]
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