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General Parenting
Last Night's therapist Appointment
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<blockquote data-quote="soapbox" data-source="post: 484384" data-attributes="member: 13003"><p>This is counter-intuitive... but see if you can wrap your brain around it.</p><p>The relationship is more important than the behavior. </p><p>The child is more than the behavior.</p><p>Somehow, you have to find ways to bring those two things to the forefront.</p><p>Unless <em>he</em> feels secure, his actions and reactions will continue to add fuel to the fire.</p><p></p><p>SO... find ways to work on the relationship(s), that are not conditional on behavior.</p><p>husband and difficult child doing "guy things" on a Sat, for example. </p><p>Going somewhere for "coffee" with you.</p><p>Anything where <em>interaction</em> is the focus - so, things like a movie don't really count.</p><p>Build a significant quantity of quality time into his life.</p><p>When the focus is the relationship, ignore the unwanted behaviors as much as possible (don't let that ruin the outing) - other than safety factors.</p><p>If you've promised something, deliver... it doesn't work to withhold as punishment for something else.</p><p>Find things he <em>likes</em> to do that are also useful to the family - not just assigned chores... but you might be surprised at what he actually likes...</p><p></p><p>Sounds like the sleep issue is worth pursuing... may be medical or psychological or both...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="soapbox, post: 484384, member: 13003"] This is counter-intuitive... but see if you can wrap your brain around it. The relationship is more important than the behavior. The child is more than the behavior. Somehow, you have to find ways to bring those two things to the forefront. Unless [I]he[/I] feels secure, his actions and reactions will continue to add fuel to the fire. SO... find ways to work on the relationship(s), that are not conditional on behavior. husband and difficult child doing "guy things" on a Sat, for example. Going somewhere for "coffee" with you. Anything where [I]interaction[/I] is the focus - so, things like a movie don't really count. Build a significant quantity of quality time into his life. When the focus is the relationship, ignore the unwanted behaviors as much as possible (don't let that ruin the outing) - other than safety factors. If you've promised something, deliver... it doesn't work to withhold as punishment for something else. Find things he [I]likes[/I] to do that are also useful to the family - not just assigned chores... but you might be surprised at what he actually likes... Sounds like the sleep issue is worth pursuing... may be medical or psychological or both... [/QUOTE]
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Last Night's therapist Appointment
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