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Latest on 32 yo son
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 618931" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Good morning Seekingstrength. When we are in the middle of the high intensity parts of the detachment process, the beginning part where we are putting an end to our enabling, I think we ALL need continuing support............so don't judge yourself for asking for support, this stuff is hard, plain and simple.</p><p></p><p>Yeah, I think I would do it sooner then later. There is really no right or wrong, simply what you are willing to do and what you want to do. I would give him an early heads up to your intentions to give him the time to figure out who he will hit up next...........our kids are masters at finding ways to get others to fix their lives.</p><p></p><p>His thinking is pretty skewered because in 3 days he will not have any money from any job that he hasn't even found yet............in three days, what the reality is, is that he will be calling you with the exact same text, for the next 3 days and on and on it will go...........until you stop it. If he is on the street with no will to work, he will be just as likely to be in a hotel with no will to work given his history. Past behavior dictates future behavior, so making your stance crystal clear to him as soon as you can, makes the most sense to me. I imagine if you don't, those texts will become relentless.</p><p></p><p>Bear in mind that once we say NO, our kids generally up the ante.............threats, accusations, blame, anger, whatever they believe will make you feel guilty so that you will change your mind and continue enabling them. They are quite good at this part, so be prepared. His will to live may decrease as the day goes on..........for your benefit.</p><p></p><p>Your son sounds like my daughter used to be with me..............the haircut request sounded similar. My first thought upon reading that, was, "how dare he ask his parents for a haircut, that is the least of his problems now." The level of entitlement is pretty grand. And, remember, you do not have to justify your position either. NO is a complete sentence. </p><p></p><p>Stay the course. Post as much as you want or need to. We're always around here, we support your choices.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 618931, member: 13542"] Good morning Seekingstrength. When we are in the middle of the high intensity parts of the detachment process, the beginning part where we are putting an end to our enabling, I think we ALL need continuing support............so don't judge yourself for asking for support, this stuff is hard, plain and simple. Yeah, I think I would do it sooner then later. There is really no right or wrong, simply what you are willing to do and what you want to do. I would give him an early heads up to your intentions to give him the time to figure out who he will hit up next...........our kids are masters at finding ways to get others to fix their lives. His thinking is pretty skewered because in 3 days he will not have any money from any job that he hasn't even found yet............in three days, what the reality is, is that he will be calling you with the exact same text, for the next 3 days and on and on it will go...........until you stop it. If he is on the street with no will to work, he will be just as likely to be in a hotel with no will to work given his history. Past behavior dictates future behavior, so making your stance crystal clear to him as soon as you can, makes the most sense to me. I imagine if you don't, those texts will become relentless. Bear in mind that once we say NO, our kids generally up the ante.............threats, accusations, blame, anger, whatever they believe will make you feel guilty so that you will change your mind and continue enabling them. They are quite good at this part, so be prepared. His will to live may decrease as the day goes on..........for your benefit. Your son sounds like my daughter used to be with me..............the haircut request sounded similar. My first thought upon reading that, was, "how dare he ask his parents for a haircut, that is the least of his problems now." The level of entitlement is pretty grand. And, remember, you do not have to justify your position either. NO is a complete sentence. Stay the course. Post as much as you want or need to. We're always around here, we support your choices. [/QUOTE]
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