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Latest on 32 yo son
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 618980" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>When I read the part of your post which stated, he wanted to explain the situation..........I was so hoping you guys would say, "that's ok, no thanks." When we say no, the negative assault on us begins.........it can be pretty nasty too. I've heard some whoppers on this site...........they come up with the ugliest stuff they can vomit out at us, to let us know what bad parents we are to abandon their sorry selves when they are almost middle aged men and women. Talk about absurd and unrealistic behavior...........but it is so common it is predictable.</p><p></p><p>Now that you have a bit of a break from him, start to put the focus on you two, get support, do kind things for yourself, go on a date, take walks, whatever makes you smile and feel nourished. Our focus on our kids is often all consuming and it's easy to forget about our own needs and desires along the way.</p><p></p><p>One thing that helped me a lot was to keep remembering that in THIS moment, right now, I am fine, he is fine, we are all okay...............I practice this all the time, stay right here in the present moment, don't trip into the future and start ruminating about things that could happen, or slip back into the past, rehashing stuff that already happened, both are a complete waste of time and effort and effectively keep you from actually enjoying and being present in THIS moment, here, now. Meditation helps. Exercise and getting enough sleep. Posting here. Getting in a support group, going to a therapist, having massages, acupuncture, listening to guided meditations on Youtube, taking deep breaths, talking to a good friend who is not judgmental and is a good listener, practicing every day to do kind things for YOU and your husband.............it all helps. You're doing a really good job. It hurts. But, that too will pass, we humans are remarkable in what we can adapt to............detachment offers liberation and freedom from the suffering and leads you ultimately to acceptance...........acceptance for what is, for what you can't control, for what you can't fix.............and then your life gets WAY better <em>no matter what your son is doing or not doing.</em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 618980, member: 13542"] When I read the part of your post which stated, he wanted to explain the situation..........I was so hoping you guys would say, "that's ok, no thanks." When we say no, the negative assault on us begins.........it can be pretty nasty too. I've heard some whoppers on this site...........they come up with the ugliest stuff they can vomit out at us, to let us know what bad parents we are to abandon their sorry selves when they are almost middle aged men and women. Talk about absurd and unrealistic behavior...........but it is so common it is predictable. Now that you have a bit of a break from him, start to put the focus on you two, get support, do kind things for yourself, go on a date, take walks, whatever makes you smile and feel nourished. Our focus on our kids is often all consuming and it's easy to forget about our own needs and desires along the way. One thing that helped me a lot was to keep remembering that in THIS moment, right now, I am fine, he is fine, we are all okay...............I practice this all the time, stay right here in the present moment, don't trip into the future and start ruminating about things that could happen, or slip back into the past, rehashing stuff that already happened, both are a complete waste of time and effort and effectively keep you from actually enjoying and being present in THIS moment, here, now. Meditation helps. Exercise and getting enough sleep. Posting here. Getting in a support group, going to a therapist, having massages, acupuncture, listening to guided meditations on Youtube, taking deep breaths, talking to a good friend who is not judgmental and is a good listener, practicing every day to do kind things for YOU and your husband.............it all helps. You're doing a really good job. It hurts. But, that too will pass, we humans are remarkable in what we can adapt to............detachment offers liberation and freedom from the suffering and leads you ultimately to acceptance...........acceptance for what is, for what you can't control, for what you can't fix.............and then your life gets WAY better [I]no matter what your son is doing or not doing.[/I] [/QUOTE]
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