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Latest on 32 yo son
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 618996" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Your son sounds like my 36 year old can sound when he is regressing to age six. "It's your fault I'm this way." "You did this to me when I was four years old." "I'm never talking to you again!" Blah, blah, blah. </p><p></p><p>I finally put my foot down and told him if he is disrespectful, I will hang up and I did. He is much nicer now, but part of that is a big stressor in his life got resolved. But, really, what are we...garbage? If anyone but our kid said that to us, would we want to talk to the person? Of course not. Why should we let our ADULT children treat us like a piece of trash? I'm done. And 36 knows I'm done with allowing him to lamblast me. Not happening ever again. I won't listen. He doesn't want to call? His choice.</p><p></p><p>I would not over-discuss anything with this man who will not even pay child support and step up and be a father to his kids. Don't feel bad...my 36 can be pretty awful too. It's hard to admit it to ourselves but once we do, then it's easier to take a harsh stand. Do we want them to be this pathetic when they are 50? 70? What will they do, who will they victimize, when we are gone?</p><p></p><p>In your son's case I see he found a sweet very young girlfriend who doesn't yet understand that she can let him fend for himself. You can't force her to detach, but I think it's a good thing that you introduced her to the concept. </p><p></p><p>I have learned to keep things short and sweet and I go easy on the "I love yous" when I'm making a harsh point. They use that "I love you" as a weapon to get you to do what they demand that you do or they punish you by threatening not to talk to you. Well, have you had a productive conversation with your son recently? Has he called you just to find out how you're doing? Has he called you without asking you for something? Has he said, "Hey, Mom, can I take you out for lunch? I don't have much money...would you be insulted if we had a Big Mac?" I mean, has he even done THAT?</p><p></p><p>When my son is at his worst his conversations are one way abuse-fests in which he talks only about himself and he doesn't care about anyone else in the world. I really would rather NOT talk to him if he is going to make it a one way, selfish conversation.</p><p></p><p>As for suicide: My son must have nine lives with all the times he's threatened suicide. Of course we can't control what our grown kids do, but this is a prime way they manipulate us. If all else fails, pull out the suicide card. Most never even try it. </p><p></p><p>Huggles to you and I'm sorry that you are havfing a hard time, but you are doing a good job. It isn't easy at all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 618996, member: 1550"] Your son sounds like my 36 year old can sound when he is regressing to age six. "It's your fault I'm this way." "You did this to me when I was four years old." "I'm never talking to you again!" Blah, blah, blah. I finally put my foot down and told him if he is disrespectful, I will hang up and I did. He is much nicer now, but part of that is a big stressor in his life got resolved. But, really, what are we...garbage? If anyone but our kid said that to us, would we want to talk to the person? Of course not. Why should we let our ADULT children treat us like a piece of trash? I'm done. And 36 knows I'm done with allowing him to lamblast me. Not happening ever again. I won't listen. He doesn't want to call? His choice. I would not over-discuss anything with this man who will not even pay child support and step up and be a father to his kids. Don't feel bad...my 36 can be pretty awful too. It's hard to admit it to ourselves but once we do, then it's easier to take a harsh stand. Do we want them to be this pathetic when they are 50? 70? What will they do, who will they victimize, when we are gone? In your son's case I see he found a sweet very young girlfriend who doesn't yet understand that she can let him fend for himself. You can't force her to detach, but I think it's a good thing that you introduced her to the concept. I have learned to keep things short and sweet and I go easy on the "I love yous" when I'm making a harsh point. They use that "I love you" as a weapon to get you to do what they demand that you do or they punish you by threatening not to talk to you. Well, have you had a productive conversation with your son recently? Has he called you just to find out how you're doing? Has he called you without asking you for something? Has he said, "Hey, Mom, can I take you out for lunch? I don't have much money...would you be insulted if we had a Big Mac?" I mean, has he even done THAT? When my son is at his worst his conversations are one way abuse-fests in which he talks only about himself and he doesn't care about anyone else in the world. I really would rather NOT talk to him if he is going to make it a one way, selfish conversation. As for suicide: My son must have nine lives with all the times he's threatened suicide. Of course we can't control what our grown kids do, but this is a prime way they manipulate us. If all else fails, pull out the suicide card. Most never even try it. Huggles to you and I'm sorry that you are havfing a hard time, but you are doing a good job. It isn't easy at all. [/QUOTE]
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