another difficult child's problems. I was absolutely furious and frustrated beyond belief with difficult child 1 tonight over school issues. He lies about homework being finished. (Or he forgets that he hasn't completed it and just assumes it's done and says it's done, or whatever). He doesn't ask for help when he doesn't understand an assignment in class. He just doesn't do the assignment. He hasn't been getting his teacher signatures in his planner to ensure that he's got all his assignments written down. The consequence of his lack of attention and initiative now has him earning two F's and a D+ in three of his four core classes. I don't know why, maybe it's my own dysfunctional upbringing, but my instinct with him is to bring the hammer down hard when I am faced with opposition, nasty attitude, disrespect and deceit. At mid-quarter, because of poor grades, difficult child 1 lost of all computer/video game and cell phone privileges until the grades are back up to C level. I thought it was fair. But in hindsight, for a kid who has no social life, who suffers from anxiety and possibly depression, has ADHD and a chronic illness (albeit in fairly good remission), and whose only real interest is in these games, the punishment may have been too severe. After difficult child 1 and I exchanged very heated foul-mouthed volleys, and difficult child 1 started making self-harm comments (which I hear more as sign of frustration and defeat than actual suicidal ideation), difficult child 2, true to form as the "middle child" and peace keeper, stepped in and offered his idea for a solution. It was essentially the Do-To-Get program many of you here use. difficult child 1 would get to have his game time restored, but it is directly linked to his obtaining teacher signatures in his planner and completing the day's assignments. Do to Get. So I have been humbled. By a 12yo no less. And after I calmed down, I went into difficult child 1's room and sat with him to help him finish his history homework. He seems to be feeling more upbeat and hopeful knowing that he has a chance of enjoying his favorite activity again soon. And I know that it's difficult child 2's carrot (versus my stick) that deserves credit.