Leaving him home alone

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Lil, Sep 6, 2014.

  1. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Tonight we're going out to my husband's 30's HS reunion. It's about 2 hours away and so we will be staying at my in-laws. My son insists he is responsible enough to watch the dogs (they can be crated most of the day) and so we're leaving them. We're leaving him no money and taking all the car keys. He's been so much better lately, finally got a job (though it hasn't started yet), has been pretty good about keeping stuff cleaned up, doing chores etc.

    This will be the first time we've left him alone in the house in years. Before he was 16 or 17, we had no problem staying away for a night. We looked forward to the day when we could go camping or whatever and leave him for a week without fear. Isn't it strange how that falls apart? It became the opposite. We've put off vacations and camping trips since he was older, when he should have been able to be home, because the thought of leaving him alone in our home was just asking for trouble. Heck, when he was 17 we left him with $7 if he wanted to run to McDonald's or whatever and went to a funeral two hours away and was called by him in just a panic on the way home (apparently you can't buy pot or whatever for just $7). But he has gotten so much better in the last couple months - behavior-wise. Granted, we've had the lying thing still...

    So...I've asked one of my friends to drive by to make sure there's no parties or whatever going on, but I really do think that he knows that the neighbors would snitch in a heartbeat, and we're telling him we're not completely sure we're spending the night and might drive back, depending on the time. So...we shall see.

    I just find it so sad that, now that he's older and we should have confidence, is when we have to worry.
     
  2. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    I know lil so much of all of this is heartbreakingly sad.

    Do you plan to tell him that folks will be checking and this is an excellent opportunity for him to start reearning your trust?

    That might be something to consider, at this point.

    Have a great time tonight. When you go, I hope you can stay in each moment enjoying each one.
     
  3. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    That is one of the hardest things about parenting difficult child kids. We feel a little creepy because we don't trust them.

    Try not to give in to those feelings, Lil.

    If you can see this as an opportunity for you to practice speaking truth to your son, do it.

    Tell him you ARE going to be gone all night. Tell him he is already on thin ice as far as living at home goes, that the neighbors are watching and have been instructed to call the police and then, call you at the first breath of trouble.

    And tell him too, in a nice, strong, certain voice, that if any of those things happen, he will be out of the house the day you get home.

    Tell him you've already researched area shelters, and that's where he is going if he messes this up.

    The power here is yours, Lil.

    But only you can claim it.

    Keeping you and your son in my thoughts, today.

    Hoping all goes well, Lil.

    Cedar
     
  4. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Thanks ladies. We're now at the inlaws, he's just texted and asked if he could eat the left-overs for dinner. I didn't see him before we left, but left him a voice message basically telling him we appreciate him watching the dogs, and that we hoped he understood that it was a big deal to trust him that much. Looking forward to a nice night.

    Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app
     
  5. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Home again! The house is still standing and doesn't smell of anything smoke-like, nothing is out of place, dogs are alive and well. :) We actually haven't seen him but a few seconds, he's had a loft bed with a trundle for 9 or 10 years now and we finally sold it today and replaced it with a regular twin. I called him and told him we were getting ready to clean everything out of it and he came home for a few minutes to pick up all the trash, etc. But basically, all is well. When he comes home, he will be told again we appreciated him taking care of the dogs and that this sort of thing earns trust.

    Other than being exhausted from staying out too late and sleeping poorly, (and perhaps a bit because of the wine :) ) feeling pretty good today. Perhaps the day will come when we don't have to debate going away over night.
     
  6. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    That is great Lil! Progress.

    Progress is good. Savor it. Stop, and breathe it in.

    We need to enjoy the good moments more, and let the bad moments go, more.

    Get some rest!
     
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