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<blockquote data-quote="AHF" data-source="post: 436885" data-attributes="member: 11180"><p>Thanks to all for this tough advice. I am trying to follow it; indeed I am. I have to be aware of my own emotional limitations, though. Along with all his other issues, Peter Pan suffers from a diagnosed attachment/abandonment disorder. He got that honestly, by way of his father who dismissed him even when he was "golden boy," by way of a brother who loved him but beat up on him. When he says he has no friends, it's true: the guys he's been hanging out with are manipulative gamblers, and his real friends took another road a long time back. I've been told by everyone to repeat ad nauseam "I will pay for treatment. I will not pay for anything else. I will not enable negative behavior," and that's what I'm doing. I'm not making the phone calls for him, I'm not coming up with ideas, I'm not buying plane tickets, I won't (unlike susiestar's parents) let him stay in my home. But it's not my ego talking when I say I'm the only one he can call when he hits bottom. He has tried calling the help lines, the psychiatric clinics, etc., and they are pretty useless. And I guess I think everyone should be able to call at least one person in this world and know that person will pick up, even if it's just to say "no." Is this crippling him? After all, at some level the problem is that sense of worthlessness, isn't it? I think susiestar is right, the best message I can give is to say "I know you can do this." But I need to be in communication to say that. Still, I hear you guys, especially when it comes to sitting at home waiting for the call, or being nearby and thus tempted to run take care of stuff. So yes, in that sense a few thousand miles' distance is surely a good thing. Thanks so much.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AHF, post: 436885, member: 11180"] Thanks to all for this tough advice. I am trying to follow it; indeed I am. I have to be aware of my own emotional limitations, though. Along with all his other issues, Peter Pan suffers from a diagnosed attachment/abandonment disorder. He got that honestly, by way of his father who dismissed him even when he was "golden boy," by way of a brother who loved him but beat up on him. When he says he has no friends, it's true: the guys he's been hanging out with are manipulative gamblers, and his real friends took another road a long time back. I've been told by everyone to repeat ad nauseam "I will pay for treatment. I will not pay for anything else. I will not enable negative behavior," and that's what I'm doing. I'm not making the phone calls for him, I'm not coming up with ideas, I'm not buying plane tickets, I won't (unlike susiestar's parents) let him stay in my home. But it's not my ego talking when I say I'm the only one he can call when he hits bottom. He has tried calling the help lines, the psychiatric clinics, etc., and they are pretty useless. And I guess I think everyone should be able to call at least one person in this world and know that person will pick up, even if it's just to say "no." Is this crippling him? After all, at some level the problem is that sense of worthlessness, isn't it? I think susiestar is right, the best message I can give is to say "I know you can do this." But I need to be in communication to say that. Still, I hear you guys, especially when it comes to sitting at home waiting for the call, or being nearby and thus tempted to run take care of stuff. So yes, in that sense a few thousand miles' distance is surely a good thing. Thanks so much. [/QUOTE]
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