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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 436947"><p>My take is a little different than the others. I am in a similar situation although my sons issues is more drugs than gambling. He is really struggling and we are trying to figure out how to help him without doing it for him. I got pretty depressed this week worrying about him becuase he is clearly depressed and really doesn't know what to do or how to do it. A part of me wanted to rush in and try and fix it although I knew that was a bad idea. We have offered help and he does not seem to be following through and that is where I was able to back off....he at least needs to be the one to come to us, take our help, and talk to us about it.So we are going to europe for 3 weeks this summer. In a way it is hard to leave for 3 weeks knowing our son is such a mess and so lost. However there is absolutely no way he could stay here while we are gone. In fact we don't even want to tell him we are going because i don't want him coming here while we are not here. So we are going to get international service on our cell phones so he can still contact us via phone or text while we are gone. I think at 19 it is a lot to think they will figure out where to live, how to solve problems on their own, specially if they are dealing with depression. when I was that age I had the security of college and my parents to help me through why wouldn't my son need some of the same support?Yes it means I might have some moments on the trip where I am upset because of him.... but I think most of the time I will be able to enjoy myself. If I just cut off contact I would not be able to rest easy at all and would always wish I was home to know things were ok. I don't think us moms every stop worrying.So I would do what feels best to you. If it feels best to keep phone contact open then do that. Yes you might have some bad moments while you are gone BUT I would try to deal with them in the moment and then remember there is not a lot you can do.I think it is all about boundaries.... set some clear ones for yourself.... so maybe don't have the phone with you all the time, you don't necessarily need to answer the very minute he calls.... but you don't have to cut him off for 26 days either.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 436947"] My take is a little different than the others. I am in a similar situation although my sons issues is more drugs than gambling. He is really struggling and we are trying to figure out how to help him without doing it for him. I got pretty depressed this week worrying about him becuase he is clearly depressed and really doesn't know what to do or how to do it. A part of me wanted to rush in and try and fix it although I knew that was a bad idea. We have offered help and he does not seem to be following through and that is where I was able to back off....he at least needs to be the one to come to us, take our help, and talk to us about it.So we are going to europe for 3 weeks this summer. In a way it is hard to leave for 3 weeks knowing our son is such a mess and so lost. However there is absolutely no way he could stay here while we are gone. In fact we don't even want to tell him we are going because i don't want him coming here while we are not here. So we are going to get international service on our cell phones so he can still contact us via phone or text while we are gone. I think at 19 it is a lot to think they will figure out where to live, how to solve problems on their own, specially if they are dealing with depression. when I was that age I had the security of college and my parents to help me through why wouldn't my son need some of the same support?Yes it means I might have some moments on the trip where I am upset because of him.... but I think most of the time I will be able to enjoy myself. If I just cut off contact I would not be able to rest easy at all and would always wish I was home to know things were ok. I don't think us moms every stop worrying.So I would do what feels best to you. If it feels best to keep phone contact open then do that. Yes you might have some bad moments while you are gone BUT I would try to deal with them in the moment and then remember there is not a lot you can do.I think it is all about boundaries.... set some clear ones for yourself.... so maybe don't have the phone with you all the time, you don't necessarily need to answer the very minute he calls.... but you don't have to cut him off for 26 days either. [/QUOTE]
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