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lessons from wise warriors on detaching?
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 70412" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: WeepingWillow</div><div class="ubbcode-body"></p><p></p><p>I definitely think the hardest thing is for me to be happy when my son is not. </p><p></p><p>Surely I must have failed, because he is still not well? And so my instinct is to do more, more, and more..... and not doing that, but rather attempting to over ride this guttural maternal drive - feels like nothing short of an exorcism. /forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/tired.gif </div></div></p><p></p><p>I think you are right about that maternal drive thing. It DOES feel like an exorcism to override it. I really do think there is some hormonal something that keeps us fixated on our kids until they are doing okay. Every so often I will hear that story about the 86 year old mom grieving the death of her drug addicted 64 year old son who had still been living at home.</p><p></p><p>And I just shiver. I know exactly how that situation transpired.</p><p></p><p>One day, one decision, at a time, that's how.</p><p></p><p>Some of us spend our entire lives in the service of our child's addiction.</p><p></p><p>But it does not help the child, or change his situation. </p><p></p><p>It's almost impossible to believe that there isn't SOMETHING we can do to help. Most moms will have to go through every single thing they know to do before, out of a desperate effort to preserve ourselves, we finally make the decision to detach.</p><p></p><p>Detaching from our children goes against the grain of who we are or we would not be here on the site, devastated by what has happened to us and to our kids.</p><p></p><p>But thank goodness the site exists.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 70412, member: 1721"] <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: WeepingWillow</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> I definitely think the hardest thing is for me to be happy when my son is not. Surely I must have failed, because he is still not well? And so my instinct is to do more, more, and more..... and not doing that, but rather attempting to over ride this guttural maternal drive - feels like nothing short of an exorcism. [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/tired.gif[/img] </div></div> I think you are right about that maternal drive thing. It DOES feel like an exorcism to override it. I really do think there is some hormonal something that keeps us fixated on our kids until they are doing okay. Every so often I will hear that story about the 86 year old mom grieving the death of her drug addicted 64 year old son who had still been living at home. And I just shiver. I know exactly how that situation transpired. One day, one decision, at a time, that's how. Some of us spend our entire lives in the service of our child's addiction. But it does not help the child, or change his situation. It's almost impossible to believe that there isn't SOMETHING we can do to help. Most moms will have to go through every single thing they know to do before, out of a desperate effort to preserve ourselves, we finally make the decision to detach. Detaching from our children goes against the grain of who we are or we would not be here on the site, devastated by what has happened to us and to our kids. But thank goodness the site exists. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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