Let her have it or not?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by susiestar, Jan 13, 2013.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Lately J has had some real problems and making some not great choices. I have a bit of a dilemma. Before Christmas I found a great deal on an mp3 player - brand name 16gb, $40. Cannot get much better. I couldn't get the site to work so we got other things for the kids. After xmas I again found them on the website at that price (they had gone up in price and then come back down dramatically). I bought 3 of them. One each for husband, J and T but J and T had to pay half of theirs. I didn't order one for myself because I don't often use headphones as they can be irritating.

    Over the next few days, it dawned on me that J slid back to showing NO respect to me or my things or nice things we buy for her. One thing brought this home to me really hard. I got a chi travel size 1" wide hair straightener at the ReStore for ten dollars. It was brand new. It was a gift to both J and I to be shared. She saw it before xmas because I was looking at it ad she fell and I went running to her with it in my hand. I let her take it to use a few days before xmas. She put it down somewhere when she realized we have no outlets in the bathroom. she did not return it or even put it somewhere logical. She put it on the floor under a pile of clothes she just dumped there. I accidentally stepped on it and destroyed it.

    I never even got to try to use it. I don't so much care about flat irons. I don't really do much with my hair anyway. I wanted it because it is something we could share and if it was both of ours maybe she would take care of it. Clearly I was mistaken. A really BIG part of the issue for me is that if it is mine she is rough on it, will take it to go 'look' at it an I never see it again or it is damaged/destroyed when I do see it. She isn't nearly that way with others' things.

    I am not sure that giving her this mp3 player is smart. she loses a lot of them. AFTER the flat iron thing, she had to do comm svc and it is just unlivably boring to do it with-o music so she just took mine. Mine was super cheap and you have to put an school district card in because it has no memory. i wasn't home and she was 'sure' that I wouldn't mind.

    These are just two of more than a few things we have had happen.

    I now believe it would be idiotic for her to have a chance to pay half price for this mp3 player. My husband won't argue wth me, but he often thinks I am 'over-reacting' when I suggest this type of thing. As she never did find her mp3 player (no shock there as she left it at the Y), I would let her USE my old one and my school district card but not let her have the new mp3 player. Is not letting her have the new mp3 player that we pay half and she pays half for the right way to go? My gut says yes, but husband thinks that she should have another chance. I think she can have the one of mine she took and has kept or she can have his old 2 gb one that has lasted three years for him.
     
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Susie--

    In these types of situations, I always try to weigh my feelings. How will I feel if THIS happens? How will I feel if THAT happens? How will I feel if THE OTHER happens? I play out the scenarios in my head...and then try to choose the one I feel best about.

    Good luck!
     
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    The one of yours she TOOK?

    OK regardless of what you paid for the straightener that was a CHI, holy smokes. If she can't take care of something that "inexpensive"... Nah, YOU use the new one.
     
  4. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Not. Emphatically so.

    1) She's been treating YOUR belongings like koi for a while now, and seems to be targeting your things.
    2) She TOOK your music player without permission

    Overreacting? I don't think so. In that situation, I would not let her have the new one AND I would also take away the one she "borrowed". If community service is terminally boring, perhaps she can occupy her thoughts with the bad decisions she made that A) led her to receive community service and B) led her to have to suffer through it without music to entertain her. YMMV on taking the borrowed player back, but I definitely would not let her have the new one.
     
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Having "stuff" is a privilege, not a right.
    Can't look after the stuff you have and/or abusing others' stuff?
    NOPE.
    "Not right now"... as in, grow up, show some maturity and some respect for others (and their stuff), and then we can try again.
     
  6. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    I'm in agreeance. No respect, can't take care of...can't have. Earn it or in my house, it's "do to get" anymore!
     
  7. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    I am in the do to get column. I would not tell her she can't have the mp3 player. I would say it is put away along with yours no longer available. I would set standards for her caring for her belongings for a set period of time to prove she can better care for this mp3 player. Then you aren't the bad guy and she has to step up. Otherwise well she can't want it that bad. And if community service is that bad? Another life lesson. Avoid being ordered into it. I see this as a great opportunity for a much needed reality check life lesson.
     
  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Not. If she isn't taking care of things, she doesn't deserve to have something nice and new, even if was a good price.

    I'd be seriously ticked about the flat iron, too. And I'd probably make her pay me back.
     
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