Let your children go.......

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Tanya M, Jul 21, 2016.

  1. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Sounds so simple but not always easy to do.

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  2. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Thank you for that!

    I am well on my way to detaching and I know that it is from all the advice and stories I have read on this forum.

    I am SO proud of myself!!! I feel SO much better. Change is hard but if you really want it, you can do it.
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  3. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    Let them go!!! Hardest and best thing we will ever do for them...and for us.

    May we all make progress on this path. Hugs to all. Thanks Tanya!
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  4. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Thank you Tanya, a good reminder that things will be as they are despite our actions, reactions, hopes and dreams. In the end all, our kids will do what they do. May they find their purpose and potential, and may we all be mindful that spiraling alongside of them into the pit of desolate emotions and fear does not do anyone any good.
    Let go and let God.
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  5. karisma

    karisma Member

    I. Just. Can't.

    I want to learn how but I am in the FOG.

    It is my goal though. Being here is teaching me so much that I though was impossible is actually possible.

    I would like for the pain to stop. Its so bad right now
  6. so ready to live

    so ready to live Active Member

    Karisma....and I thought...being here is teaching me so much that I thought was possible (because I could do it!) is actually impossible. We are all learning, our kids too. You never quit loving them, you let. them. go. You can. It's simple, it's not easy. You are stronger than you think. Prayers.
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  7. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    Karisma, hang in there. Just start by doing one thing differently. You can't and don't need to change everything overnight. That is impossible. Go slow. Take care of you. The pain is tremendous and there is incredible relief in recognizing and getting to the point...even if it is just for an hour at first---to truly letting go. It feels so good!!!! To see our own boundaries where we start and stop and where they start and stop and seeing that we can't save them as much as we would like to. We just can't. It is a long process and something I still work on all the time. I don't think we ever completely arrive.
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  8. karisma

    karisma Member

    Thank you So Ready - I like what you said about learning what you thought was possible being impossible. Like getting Difficult Child to change (or in my case, getting Difficult Child to do anything positive)

    Thank you COM- yes I agree with doing one thing differently to start
    Ummm... Does screaming at him "NEVER CALL ME AGAIN" count? Yeah not my best work. I still can't believe I did that. And he will call as soon as he needs something.

    But I have decided not to be so available anymore. I read all the time here that almost nothing is an actual emergency.

    I don't need to rush to him anymore....truly fed up
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  9. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    I've said similar things to my son out of pure frustration and anger. Nothing like a difficult adult child to bring out the worst in us o_O
    Yes, they will call when they want they want something. Over time that will lessen as long as we stop giving into them.

    This is very true. My son has tried to con me more than a few times with his "emergencies" The thing is even if it was a real emergency we do not have to rescue them. If it's medical they need to call 911. If it's financial they need to figure it out on their own as they are the ones who got themselves into whatever the situation is.

  10. dena

    dena New Member

    Hello, I'm new.
    Relieved that I'm not alone, but saddened because I'm not. I'm so sorry that we all have this in common.
    I just read " Let them go". Three little words and yet so profound.
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  11. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    Dena, when you are ready start your own thread. People might not see your story on this thread. Sorry you had to find us. Glad you did.
  12. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Hi @dena , welcome to our little corner of the internet. I'm glad you found us. You will find much needed support here.
  13. Healing heart

    Healing heart New Member

    Good advice...painful and hardest to do for me but I don't want to be that controlling mom and in the long run will probably appreciate being left off the hook. I've done my job, now need to enjoy the retirement.
  14. Echolette

    Echolette Well-Known Member

    This is very sad. WE all know this feeling. But naming it (the FOG) is the beginning. The beginning can last a long time but it is still a beginning. The pain...well...let it be what it is. Sit with it. Don't push it away or freak out about it or distract it, or confuse it with danger to yourself. Really feel it. Where it resides in your body. Let it have all its power for a few minutes, while you sit still and breathe and don't fight it. And then...know that you survive it. The pain is there, and you are still you, and it is OK. You don't need to add to the pain by being afraid of it or fighting it. It can walk along side you for a while, until you are ready to let it go its own way.

    I LOVE this! I never saw it that way, but it is totally true. A great value of the forum!

    Yes. Even for an hour. Even for a minute. We build on those moments, and when we realize that we can have them and the world doesn't implode...we know that we can reach for more. Hi Child!!!! I've missed you!

    Lol. Well, we are only human. Did I tell you about the time I pulled my daughter's hair?

    Good morning all. Today can be a good day if you let it.

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  15. karisma

    karisma Member

    Echo, I like thinking of it like this, like the pain is a living being that has a right to exist and merely wants my company for a bit...yes, I dig it.

    Lol. I guess even easy childs have their moments.

    Yeah, this stuff is not for sissies, that's for sure.