gcvmom
Here we go again!
I came this close to calling the police tonight on difficult child 1. husband actually asked me to do it, no, INSISTED that I do it. And these days he is the calm one who is able to step back and not get worked up over situations with the kids. So that has to tell you something.
I can think of lots of different reasons why it happened: it was late, difficult child 1 was hungry, he was not medicated, he was tired, yada, yada, yada.
It started with me giving all three kids notice at 10pm (who were up late because husband had taken them out to the store to use their gift cards to buy this system they've been wanting and they got home a little before 10pm) that they would have to stop their games and go to bed at 10:30pm. Fair warning, helps with transitions, all that. They all heard me and understood. I even gave them 15min and 5min warnings. I know how hard it is for them to stop stuff.
So 10:30 comes and easy child and difficult child 2 turn off their games and go get ready for bed. Yay. But difficult child 1 decides that NOW he is hungry (didn't bother with it earlier -- the game was too engaging, the TV was too interesting, everything else was more important). Okay, I acquiese and give him 10 min extra to have a yogurt. Then I tell him he has to be in bed with teeth brushed by 10:45 or he gets consequences. He decides to go put on his lacrosse gear and chase difficult child 2 around with his stick.
And this is the beginning of the end. He starts to get belligerent with me when I scold him for not doing what he was supposed to be doing. He declares that he's not going to bed. He declares that he's not brushing his teeth. He declares that he doesn't have to do anything, etc., etc. So I go to his room and unplug the TV that husband had allowed him to have in there over the break (he'd lost all TV and video game privileges due to bad grades and was not supposed to have these reinstated until the next report cards come out at the end of January and he pulls his grades up, but husband gave these privileges back for the break period -- not sure I would have allowed that had I been asked, but I digress). This really makes him angry because he had a video game unit plugged into the TV (so this means he can't finish where he'd left off since he didn't save the game and now doesn't have a TV to see how to save it) and he starts throwing things around his room -- mostly blankets and papers, and then he closes his door and blocks me from being able to leave, saying, "You'll have to kill me to get out."
I remain calm and ask him if he really thinks that this is going to make me change my mind, and he just repeats himself, continuing to block the door. I tell him to open the door, and he starts to play a game with this, opening it a crack. I tell him again, so he opens it all the way but sits in the doorway, blocking me from leaving with the TV. I continue on past him telling him that if I trip and fall and the TV breaks, he'll have to pay for it. So he gets up and moves. He follows me out and starts pushing over a TV tray, throws the cushions off the couch, etc. in his protest.
Then he goes in his room and slams the door and starts throwing things at the door. At this point, I go upstairs to talk to husband. Meanwhile we can hear difficult child 1 still banging around downstairs. husband goes down to try to talk to him to find out what the huge problem is and difficult child 1 refuses to cooperate. So husband takes all the game consoles/iPod/phone away and brings them up to our room.
husband and I talk quietly -- I'm upset at the rudeness and disrespect, the threatening, the violence. I'm upset that I have to tip-toe around difficult child 1 when he's like this. I'm upset that he is so out of control. I feel that he has to take ownership for his feelings and he has to learn how to deal with them constructively instead of having a meltdown like this. It's been a while since he's had one of these, but it's still scary when it happens. We don't know what to take seriously and what to ignore.
I go down to check on difficult child 1 and he's got the power drill/screwdriver and he's taken the locking door knob off the door to the garage and has put it on his door because he's not happy with the fact that the knob on his door doesn't lock properly. Nobody told him he could do this. He just decided to do it. (I don't think he realizes that the new knob on his door is keyed to the front door, so I'd be able to open it very easily anyway -- and I don't tell him this). I tell him that he absolutely has no permission to do this and that he has to put the knobs back the way they were and if they are damaged in any way he will have to pay for them -- quoting a $50 price tag per knob, whatever, he got the point and angrily started to disassemble everything to put it back the way it was.
So after this little exercise is over, husband calls difficult child 1 up so we can all talk things over, hopefully calmly. difficult child 1 comes up and says he doesn't want to talk to us and goes back down. So husband calls him up again (difficult child 1 hollers back NO) and husband starts to count (which usually means that if we start at 5 and get to 0 and you're still not complying, you're going to lose something more) and difficult child 1 shows up, but is still refusing to talk to us. He's got a Nerf gun and is shooting darts at the wall. husband closes the door and says difficult child 1 can't leave until we all have a chance to talk this over.
He gives difficult child 1 a chance to say his peace without any interruptions, but he refuses. So then he asks me to explain why I'm upset. So I do. difficult child 1 just keeps shooting his dart gun. It ends up with us doing most of the talking, and difficult child 1 pacing around and shooting the dart gun, sometimes pointing it at his own head, sometimes pointing the laser sight at husband (interesting he never pointed it at me), or using the laser light to play with the cat that happened to be up there.
So husband decides to try to hug him to see if a physical connection would get through the anger and get him to open up to us. But difficult child 1 resists and pushes back -- and husband being a former wrestler easily gets him into a hold and puts him on the bed where we both try to hold onto him to talk to him. This just makes things worse. difficult child 1 starts to spit at me and bites husband, who bites him back -- must not have been too hard because nobody complained. I think difficult child 1 was testing him. But he got so angry I think he scared husband because that's when he told me to go call the police. I think he was afraid to let go of difficult child 1 at this point -- like he suddenly had a tiger by the tail.
So I'm freaking out not knowing if I should really call or not, and thinking it might just make things worse for everyone but also thinking difficult child 1 needs to understand that this is not a game.
While I'm trying to look up the non-emergency number for the PD, I hear them talking/arguing upstairs. I hear the slider open and difficult child 1 goes out on the balcony. Earlier he had threatened to jump off or use the hose that's up there to climb down and run away. I go outside and tell him to go back in the house. He says "Why, so the police can just find me easier?" And I ask him if he wants me to call them, to which he replies no, so I tell him to go back inside again and he complies.
Then I go back upstairs and he's sitting on the floor and starting to cry. And we are finally able to have a conversation with him about the whole situation that has now evolved. Now he's finally listening, he's not angry and he's remorseful. He agrees that the defiance and the belligerence is not o.k. That he gets angry but can't stop. He thinks his medications aren't right or that we should see the psychiatrist to figure out how to fix this. Won't agree to see the therapist because he didn't like him (probably because he held him accountable for his behavior).
He asks to be excused to go eat and go to bed, so we let him go. husband and I settle in to watch a bit of TV. Then around 2am I go downstairs to take my medications and lock up and difficult child 1 is not in his room. He's not in the other kids' rooms either and he's not on the couch. I go out to the garage and the light is on and the stuff that's in front of husband's drum room door has been moved. And guess who's locked in the drum room? He refuses to come out and asks if we can "Just pretend this isn't happening. Since I had such a bad night, can we just pretend I'm not in here." I tell him to come out, and he finally does -- red faced. Well turns out he was in there watching a porn video on our little 12 inch portable TV with the built-in VCR!!! O.M.G. Can this night get any more bizarre? He doesn't know it but I tossed the tape in the trash.
And now he's up again (it's now 2:30) eating. He couldn't be bothered to eat during the day even though food was prepared for him. He couldn't be bothered to eat dinner either. Part of it is his medications and part of it is just him. I swear if I survive these next five years with him it will be a miracle.
I'm calling the psychiatrist Monday morning to see if we can get squeezed in sometime very quickly. I'm starting to think he needs to be on some medications similar to husband's -- because husband used to have these similar anger problems where he would escalate and then get stuck in this intense anger directed at everyone around him. He told me tonight it was like an anger high. He actually enjoyed the feeling. But then he felt horrible afterwards.
So if THAT Mr. Hyde can be helped, perhaps there's hope for Mr. Hyde Jr., too. But I cannot continue with him the way he is now. It has to stop.
If you made it this far, I owe you a cup of coffee for staying awake so long!
I can think of lots of different reasons why it happened: it was late, difficult child 1 was hungry, he was not medicated, he was tired, yada, yada, yada.
It started with me giving all three kids notice at 10pm (who were up late because husband had taken them out to the store to use their gift cards to buy this system they've been wanting and they got home a little before 10pm) that they would have to stop their games and go to bed at 10:30pm. Fair warning, helps with transitions, all that. They all heard me and understood. I even gave them 15min and 5min warnings. I know how hard it is for them to stop stuff.
So 10:30 comes and easy child and difficult child 2 turn off their games and go get ready for bed. Yay. But difficult child 1 decides that NOW he is hungry (didn't bother with it earlier -- the game was too engaging, the TV was too interesting, everything else was more important). Okay, I acquiese and give him 10 min extra to have a yogurt. Then I tell him he has to be in bed with teeth brushed by 10:45 or he gets consequences. He decides to go put on his lacrosse gear and chase difficult child 2 around with his stick.
And this is the beginning of the end. He starts to get belligerent with me when I scold him for not doing what he was supposed to be doing. He declares that he's not going to bed. He declares that he's not brushing his teeth. He declares that he doesn't have to do anything, etc., etc. So I go to his room and unplug the TV that husband had allowed him to have in there over the break (he'd lost all TV and video game privileges due to bad grades and was not supposed to have these reinstated until the next report cards come out at the end of January and he pulls his grades up, but husband gave these privileges back for the break period -- not sure I would have allowed that had I been asked, but I digress). This really makes him angry because he had a video game unit plugged into the TV (so this means he can't finish where he'd left off since he didn't save the game and now doesn't have a TV to see how to save it) and he starts throwing things around his room -- mostly blankets and papers, and then he closes his door and blocks me from being able to leave, saying, "You'll have to kill me to get out."
I remain calm and ask him if he really thinks that this is going to make me change my mind, and he just repeats himself, continuing to block the door. I tell him to open the door, and he starts to play a game with this, opening it a crack. I tell him again, so he opens it all the way but sits in the doorway, blocking me from leaving with the TV. I continue on past him telling him that if I trip and fall and the TV breaks, he'll have to pay for it. So he gets up and moves. He follows me out and starts pushing over a TV tray, throws the cushions off the couch, etc. in his protest.
Then he goes in his room and slams the door and starts throwing things at the door. At this point, I go upstairs to talk to husband. Meanwhile we can hear difficult child 1 still banging around downstairs. husband goes down to try to talk to him to find out what the huge problem is and difficult child 1 refuses to cooperate. So husband takes all the game consoles/iPod/phone away and brings them up to our room.
husband and I talk quietly -- I'm upset at the rudeness and disrespect, the threatening, the violence. I'm upset that I have to tip-toe around difficult child 1 when he's like this. I'm upset that he is so out of control. I feel that he has to take ownership for his feelings and he has to learn how to deal with them constructively instead of having a meltdown like this. It's been a while since he's had one of these, but it's still scary when it happens. We don't know what to take seriously and what to ignore.
I go down to check on difficult child 1 and he's got the power drill/screwdriver and he's taken the locking door knob off the door to the garage and has put it on his door because he's not happy with the fact that the knob on his door doesn't lock properly. Nobody told him he could do this. He just decided to do it. (I don't think he realizes that the new knob on his door is keyed to the front door, so I'd be able to open it very easily anyway -- and I don't tell him this). I tell him that he absolutely has no permission to do this and that he has to put the knobs back the way they were and if they are damaged in any way he will have to pay for them -- quoting a $50 price tag per knob, whatever, he got the point and angrily started to disassemble everything to put it back the way it was.
So after this little exercise is over, husband calls difficult child 1 up so we can all talk things over, hopefully calmly. difficult child 1 comes up and says he doesn't want to talk to us and goes back down. So husband calls him up again (difficult child 1 hollers back NO) and husband starts to count (which usually means that if we start at 5 and get to 0 and you're still not complying, you're going to lose something more) and difficult child 1 shows up, but is still refusing to talk to us. He's got a Nerf gun and is shooting darts at the wall. husband closes the door and says difficult child 1 can't leave until we all have a chance to talk this over.
He gives difficult child 1 a chance to say his peace without any interruptions, but he refuses. So then he asks me to explain why I'm upset. So I do. difficult child 1 just keeps shooting his dart gun. It ends up with us doing most of the talking, and difficult child 1 pacing around and shooting the dart gun, sometimes pointing it at his own head, sometimes pointing the laser sight at husband (interesting he never pointed it at me), or using the laser light to play with the cat that happened to be up there.
So husband decides to try to hug him to see if a physical connection would get through the anger and get him to open up to us. But difficult child 1 resists and pushes back -- and husband being a former wrestler easily gets him into a hold and puts him on the bed where we both try to hold onto him to talk to him. This just makes things worse. difficult child 1 starts to spit at me and bites husband, who bites him back -- must not have been too hard because nobody complained. I think difficult child 1 was testing him. But he got so angry I think he scared husband because that's when he told me to go call the police. I think he was afraid to let go of difficult child 1 at this point -- like he suddenly had a tiger by the tail.
So I'm freaking out not knowing if I should really call or not, and thinking it might just make things worse for everyone but also thinking difficult child 1 needs to understand that this is not a game.
While I'm trying to look up the non-emergency number for the PD, I hear them talking/arguing upstairs. I hear the slider open and difficult child 1 goes out on the balcony. Earlier he had threatened to jump off or use the hose that's up there to climb down and run away. I go outside and tell him to go back in the house. He says "Why, so the police can just find me easier?" And I ask him if he wants me to call them, to which he replies no, so I tell him to go back inside again and he complies.
Then I go back upstairs and he's sitting on the floor and starting to cry. And we are finally able to have a conversation with him about the whole situation that has now evolved. Now he's finally listening, he's not angry and he's remorseful. He agrees that the defiance and the belligerence is not o.k. That he gets angry but can't stop. He thinks his medications aren't right or that we should see the psychiatrist to figure out how to fix this. Won't agree to see the therapist because he didn't like him (probably because he held him accountable for his behavior).
He asks to be excused to go eat and go to bed, so we let him go. husband and I settle in to watch a bit of TV. Then around 2am I go downstairs to take my medications and lock up and difficult child 1 is not in his room. He's not in the other kids' rooms either and he's not on the couch. I go out to the garage and the light is on and the stuff that's in front of husband's drum room door has been moved. And guess who's locked in the drum room? He refuses to come out and asks if we can "Just pretend this isn't happening. Since I had such a bad night, can we just pretend I'm not in here." I tell him to come out, and he finally does -- red faced. Well turns out he was in there watching a porn video on our little 12 inch portable TV with the built-in VCR!!! O.M.G. Can this night get any more bizarre? He doesn't know it but I tossed the tape in the trash.
And now he's up again (it's now 2:30) eating. He couldn't be bothered to eat during the day even though food was prepared for him. He couldn't be bothered to eat dinner either. Part of it is his medications and part of it is just him. I swear if I survive these next five years with him it will be a miracle.
I'm calling the psychiatrist Monday morning to see if we can get squeezed in sometime very quickly. I'm starting to think he needs to be on some medications similar to husband's -- because husband used to have these similar anger problems where he would escalate and then get stuck in this intense anger directed at everyone around him. He told me tonight it was like an anger high. He actually enjoyed the feeling. But then he felt horrible afterwards.
So if THAT Mr. Hyde can be helped, perhaps there's hope for Mr. Hyde Jr., too. But I cannot continue with him the way he is now. It has to stop.
If you made it this far, I owe you a cup of coffee for staying awake so long!
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My mind she is daft.
I'm just sayin'...
Yes, we had a similar scenario with a neuro when he wanted to take husband off Lamictal and try a different MS for his seizures -- I was scared to death that husband would backslide, becase the combo of the Paxil and Lamictal were magic. I told the neuro (with husband sitting next to me) that this combo had finally given me the man I thought I had married. The look on that doctor's face (and husband's) was priceless. Turns out Trileptal has been just as helpful in the long run. So as long as he stays on Paxil and a MS, I think life will be good for us and husband is finally recognizing it. 
