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Letter from difficult child from sober house
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 420758" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>My heart is so happy right now - for you and for her! What the others have said about believing her and letting her know it is true - all of it. I esp like what Step said about her being the glass and your love being what fills her up. And what you said about this experience helping her when she falls again so that she gets back up and tries again sooner.</p><p> </p><p>Let her know you believe in her, in her ability to do this, in her Higher Power to lead her through this. </p><p> </p><p>I think I have said this before, but if I haven't I will pass it on again. My gfgbro has been sober for around 8 years now. He says the thing that has helped him stay sober the most is that we NEVER expect him to be "done" with being an alcoholic. We don't encourage him to dwell on it or talk about it endlessly, but we know it will always be there just like being nearsighted. Even now if he realizes he needs a meeting someone is able and willing to watch his daughter at least 95% of the time, even if it is on short notice. There is never a hassle though he may have to drop her off earlier or meet someone somewhere to pick her up if something else is going on. </p><p> </p><p>He says that just KNOWING that it won't be a big deal or a problem and that none of us will ever say "Well I had planned to do X and Y, but since you need a meeting AGAIN I won't do them." They are treated as routine and no big deal, just part of the day like dinner or brushing teeth. This seems to have cut a LOT of stress out of his life and really helped him.</p><p> </p><p>I don't think it occurred to anyone in my family (my parents, husband, me or my kids) that he would be "over" this problem or be "done" with being an alcoholic and going to meetings the way you get "done" with braces or a cast. I know my exsil's family gave her TONS of grief for not "getting over" her addiction problems as soon as a couple of months after she left rehab each time. While I am sure you own't do this any more than you would open a bottle of wine with her around, it is something to think about. And while I do't watch my niece anymore, I do stay flexible in case plans with my parents need to change because he needs to go to a meeting and they have to change plans with us.</p><p> </p><p>Your family is in my prayers every time I say them. Please let your daughter know that I believe in her also, if there is a good time to say so.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 420758, member: 1233"] My heart is so happy right now - for you and for her! What the others have said about believing her and letting her know it is true - all of it. I esp like what Step said about her being the glass and your love being what fills her up. And what you said about this experience helping her when she falls again so that she gets back up and tries again sooner. Let her know you believe in her, in her ability to do this, in her Higher Power to lead her through this. I think I have said this before, but if I haven't I will pass it on again. My gfgbro has been sober for around 8 years now. He says the thing that has helped him stay sober the most is that we NEVER expect him to be "done" with being an alcoholic. We don't encourage him to dwell on it or talk about it endlessly, but we know it will always be there just like being nearsighted. Even now if he realizes he needs a meeting someone is able and willing to watch his daughter at least 95% of the time, even if it is on short notice. There is never a hassle though he may have to drop her off earlier or meet someone somewhere to pick her up if something else is going on. He says that just KNOWING that it won't be a big deal or a problem and that none of us will ever say "Well I had planned to do X and Y, but since you need a meeting AGAIN I won't do them." They are treated as routine and no big deal, just part of the day like dinner or brushing teeth. This seems to have cut a LOT of stress out of his life and really helped him. I don't think it occurred to anyone in my family (my parents, husband, me or my kids) that he would be "over" this problem or be "done" with being an alcoholic and going to meetings the way you get "done" with braces or a cast. I know my exsil's family gave her TONS of grief for not "getting over" her addiction problems as soon as a couple of months after she left rehab each time. While I am sure you own't do this any more than you would open a bottle of wine with her around, it is something to think about. And while I do't watch my niece anymore, I do stay flexible in case plans with my parents need to change because he needs to go to a meeting and they have to change plans with us. Your family is in my prayers every time I say them. Please let your daughter know that I believe in her also, if there is a good time to say so. [/QUOTE]
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