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Letter from Justin - ??? Read between the lines ladies
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 136406" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I read it and got more of what BBK did. I think he expressed a little of how HARD it is to have to go back. This gets worse the closer to release he is ("I only have another week, what is the point of driving all the way back there and then just doing it again???" - be prepared for this kind of thing. It is pretty normal, in my humble opinion. We just told our son that he needed to "complete ALL his work. And wouldn't there be some sense of accomplishment when he was done? We would feel that." We told him this kind of thing.)</p><p> </p><p>I think the bit about the lip balm was nice. He was saying he sees how tight things are financially, regretted demanding the more expensive item, and offered to pay for it. (from what I read). I would let him pay for it. This sets a good precedent. It also says you know he is growing up and will allow it.</p><p> </p><p>It also may be a round-about way of apologizing for the request for the guitar. I, too, have done the Disneyland routine on home visits. making it more nice than everyday life. We are so HAPPY to have our kids back we want to shower them with good things so they are happy to be with us AND so they know we really see the effort they are putting forth to get healthy.</p><p> </p><p>Making the guitar a reward for a future goal is a good idea. Maybe time on the guitar or lessons in the same amount as he spends doing something he needs to do and doesn't want to do?? (by the way, check out Fender's website. They have some pretty cool giveaways, including one that gets a free tshirt if you get a form signed saying you "test drove" a Fender guitar, though this may have expired).</p><p> </p><p>It is hard NOT to count the days you are away from loved ones. Many soldiers in my bro's Army base had similar countdowns. I know it was considered a VERY bad sign when some of the children on my difficult child's psychiatric hospital unit stopped counting. It meant they thought they would be in their forever. for some of them this was true, but it was still sad.</p><p> </p><p>I think he wanted to talk about the other kid but kept putting it off. It is hard to talk to someone about a big problem, esp for males. Women vent, have groups like this were they ask for input and do collaborative problem solving. This does not generally seem to be as typical for men. Maybe he wanted to talk about this, as it is important to him, but kept waiting for the "right" moment. And somehow that moment never seems to walk up, slap you upside of the head and say "Now, talk about problem M. E. NOW!" Or at least that was the way it was for me as a teen.</p><p> </p><p>There is some guilt trying to be distributed. MAybe you should let him know, as part of talking about why he is there and what he could/should do differently in the future, that letting him go for that long is a sign of how serious, even life-threatening, the course of his behavior was. </p><p> </p><p>His love for you is so very clear in this letter. Please save it with his babybook or other keepsakes. It will mean so much to you in the future. AND it is great to have to share with his children - FAR into the future!!</p><p> </p><p>He clearly has a desire for things. It read pretty typical teen to me. I know the letters about stuff we received were far, far more demanding. And this is AFTER they made him rewrite the letters to make them less demanding, entitled, and ME ME ME ME focused.</p><p> </p><p>Check in with the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and see what is up with this other child. Is there something that needs to be dealt with? Do they need supervision more so than he normally does or than he does with the other kids? Is he worried about this other kid? (sometimes they can be so worried about another kid because confidences have been shared. Justin may feel he can't break confidence but the other kid is in over his head - again, been there done that)</p><p> </p><p>I would not bring stuff to family days unless Residential Treatment Center (RTC) said he NEEDED them. Not just could have them. But be SURE to touch base with Residential Treatment Center (RTC) about the other child. And, on a phone call or at your next visit, ASK about the other child. It lets justin know that you are interested in what HE feels is important.</p><p> </p><p>He so very clearly feels loved. And loves you. His progress is beautiful to watch. Thanks for sharing it with us.</p><p> </p><p>Susie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 136406, member: 1233"] I read it and got more of what BBK did. I think he expressed a little of how HARD it is to have to go back. This gets worse the closer to release he is ("I only have another week, what is the point of driving all the way back there and then just doing it again???" - be prepared for this kind of thing. It is pretty normal, in my humble opinion. We just told our son that he needed to "complete ALL his work. And wouldn't there be some sense of accomplishment when he was done? We would feel that." We told him this kind of thing.) I think the bit about the lip balm was nice. He was saying he sees how tight things are financially, regretted demanding the more expensive item, and offered to pay for it. (from what I read). I would let him pay for it. This sets a good precedent. It also says you know he is growing up and will allow it. It also may be a round-about way of apologizing for the request for the guitar. I, too, have done the Disneyland routine on home visits. making it more nice than everyday life. We are so HAPPY to have our kids back we want to shower them with good things so they are happy to be with us AND so they know we really see the effort they are putting forth to get healthy. Making the guitar a reward for a future goal is a good idea. Maybe time on the guitar or lessons in the same amount as he spends doing something he needs to do and doesn't want to do?? (by the way, check out Fender's website. They have some pretty cool giveaways, including one that gets a free tshirt if you get a form signed saying you "test drove" a Fender guitar, though this may have expired). It is hard NOT to count the days you are away from loved ones. Many soldiers in my bro's Army base had similar countdowns. I know it was considered a VERY bad sign when some of the children on my difficult child's psychiatric hospital unit stopped counting. It meant they thought they would be in their forever. for some of them this was true, but it was still sad. I think he wanted to talk about the other kid but kept putting it off. It is hard to talk to someone about a big problem, esp for males. Women vent, have groups like this were they ask for input and do collaborative problem solving. This does not generally seem to be as typical for men. Maybe he wanted to talk about this, as it is important to him, but kept waiting for the "right" moment. And somehow that moment never seems to walk up, slap you upside of the head and say "Now, talk about problem M. E. NOW!" Or at least that was the way it was for me as a teen. There is some guilt trying to be distributed. MAybe you should let him know, as part of talking about why he is there and what he could/should do differently in the future, that letting him go for that long is a sign of how serious, even life-threatening, the course of his behavior was. His love for you is so very clear in this letter. Please save it with his babybook or other keepsakes. It will mean so much to you in the future. AND it is great to have to share with his children - FAR into the future!! He clearly has a desire for things. It read pretty typical teen to me. I know the letters about stuff we received were far, far more demanding. And this is AFTER they made him rewrite the letters to make them less demanding, entitled, and ME ME ME ME focused. Check in with the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and see what is up with this other child. Is there something that needs to be dealt with? Do they need supervision more so than he normally does or than he does with the other kids? Is he worried about this other kid? (sometimes they can be so worried about another kid because confidences have been shared. Justin may feel he can't break confidence but the other kid is in over his head - again, been there done that) I would not bring stuff to family days unless Residential Treatment Center (RTC) said he NEEDED them. Not just could have them. But be SURE to touch base with Residential Treatment Center (RTC) about the other child. And, on a phone call or at your next visit, ASK about the other child. It lets justin know that you are interested in what HE feels is important. He so very clearly feels loved. And loves you. His progress is beautiful to watch. Thanks for sharing it with us. Susie [/QUOTE]
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