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General Parenting
Letting the storm pass
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 496930" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>On the way back from roller skating class tonight (6.30 pm and J clearly tired after the day and all the exertion of the class - which looks great fun), it was as though he was spoiling for a fight. He began demanding things that he knew were not on the agenda - for me to buy him a toy, immediately, for him to watch something on the computer tomorrow (he watches only at the weekend) - and exploded into rage and fury when I refused. He tried his best to provoke me: "When I grow up I am going to be a BURGLAR!" (we had just had a conversation in which we had agreed it was better to be a policeman than a burglar), "I am going to SMOKE!" (we recently had a conversation about why it was not good to smoke). I was a "NAUGHTY MUMMY!" He tried to put the light on in the car, although it is not allowed to drive with it on, as he knows. I didn't react to it, really. I ignored the insults, stayed very calm. At one point I said "J, I think you are very sleepy" and he started crying quietly and then insisting "no, no". The whining-exploding continued all the way back home and then... at home, after one or two more insults, he went to the loo and then re-emerged saying "sorry" in a small voice. I asked him how he thought it made me feel when he said horrible things to me. "Sad," he replied. Then he was fine... supper (I had brought him a snack), bath, bed... he was calm and affectionate.</p><p>It is clearly pointless trying to discipline him for his "rudeness" in the moment of its happening. It is like waiting for a storm to pass. I really don't need to get engaged with it, I think. Or even perhaps try to get him to stop. I don't "understand" it - neither does he, of course. Dealing with it this way, I get to keep my sanity, at least <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 496930, member: 11227"] On the way back from roller skating class tonight (6.30 pm and J clearly tired after the day and all the exertion of the class - which looks great fun), it was as though he was spoiling for a fight. He began demanding things that he knew were not on the agenda - for me to buy him a toy, immediately, for him to watch something on the computer tomorrow (he watches only at the weekend) - and exploded into rage and fury when I refused. He tried his best to provoke me: "When I grow up I am going to be a BURGLAR!" (we had just had a conversation in which we had agreed it was better to be a policeman than a burglar), "I am going to SMOKE!" (we recently had a conversation about why it was not good to smoke). I was a "NAUGHTY MUMMY!" He tried to put the light on in the car, although it is not allowed to drive with it on, as he knows. I didn't react to it, really. I ignored the insults, stayed very calm. At one point I said "J, I think you are very sleepy" and he started crying quietly and then insisting "no, no". The whining-exploding continued all the way back home and then... at home, after one or two more insults, he went to the loo and then re-emerged saying "sorry" in a small voice. I asked him how he thought it made me feel when he said horrible things to me. "Sad," he replied. Then he was fine... supper (I had brought him a snack), bath, bed... he was calm and affectionate. It is clearly pointless trying to discipline him for his "rudeness" in the moment of its happening. It is like waiting for a storm to pass. I really don't need to get engaged with it, I think. Or even perhaps try to get him to stop. I don't "understand" it - neither does he, of course. Dealing with it this way, I get to keep my sanity, at least :) [/QUOTE]
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