Lies, In trouble, Gets bailed out

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Jen, Aug 16, 2007.

  1. Jen

    Jen New Member

    Myson is looking at the possibility of jail time this next Tues. if he doesnt cough up the money he owes, to a tune of 1950.00. He has to pay it all or be put in jail. He came to me and I said NO. He went to my parents for the second time, and they said Yes , and that this was it. So they overnighted the money.This chikd support is one county for the twins.

    Well then he calls me last night and is told from the other county that his daughter is through ( all the same Mom) that they will be taking his driver lisc. away in 10 days if he doesnt pay what he owes on that , which is 1500.00. He told me he can pay my parents back the money he opwes with this partime newspaper job he will be doing before his real job. That he doesnt have the money to pay her support , and that his lisc will be revoked and he wont be able to keep either job. I would not give hime the money. What I did do was call the children service in that county. They were able to tel me that what he is saying is true about his lisc. They also told me the fulltime job he says and tells everyone he has is not true. He went to this job in June, and lasted a 1/2 day. He even has his wife lying for him, togehter. They did verify the news paper job. Talked with legal and I asked what does he need to do to keep his lisc for this job. He needs to pay the amt. Dont have that kind of money. She finally agreed to monthly payment. I will pay this month and next month, because I helped out our easy child daughter, and that is it. Gives him time to even get a better job. I am not telling him this, cause he can just sweat it out, and still think he needs to contribute. So I told my parents and they cannot beleive how the 2 of them sat in front of them the other eve. and bold face lie, I said, I can.

    Have also spoken with daughter in law mother. She is somewhat up to date with all that is going on. Her question is he showed up at their house with 800.00, and wonders if he isnt working where is he getting his money. My son smokes cigarettes, but now aware of drugs, and doesnt basically drink alcohol, and heis legal to do that. My parents said that the house has moldy dishes just like it was with ex fiance, adn we all kow what happen to them, and loosing custody of his daughter. The mother in law also told me that the cops have been at their house for 2 things, he has his wife protecting him for messing with a bb gun that did accidentaly go off, and broke a house window, The other was the month before a call to his house/ apt for a suicide attempt! He has his body pretty skinny, and a bundle of nerves. What does a person Do?

  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I can understand you wanting to help out difficult child since you helped out easy child. But I'd certainly have been hard pressed to do so when he's been lying to you over this full time job thing.

    Good for you for not giving him that whooping amt of child support money though.

  3. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm a bit more hard nosed. I don't think you should even bother making calls to find out anything or negotiating payment plans, let alone help him in any way. He is 22, let him figure this one out on his own. If he goes to jail, so be it.

    I'm sorry your parents got pulled into it. I hope this will help them know not to help next time!
  4. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    If he doesn't have tickets and other vehicle-related problems, then taking away his driver's license because he hasn't paid child support is one of the stupidest things I've ever heard of. How the heck do they expect him to earn a living (even if he isn't) in order to pay for child support if he doesn't have decent transportation?

    Are you sure that's right? There has to be more to this than meets the eye. That's just NUTS. :hammer:

  5. Jen

    Jen New Member

    Yeah it is true Suz. I ask the women in the legal dept at the childrens support service. She said he has inconsistently paid his child support therefore, in 10 days if he doesnt cough up some money they will take his lisc. I said the same thing to her in that why would you do that, when his job consist of driving to deliver newspaper? She has a pioint in that the payment are inconsistent, adn that he is not reliable in what he tells them. Nice way of saying what I know, he lies.
    That is why I am paying the next 2 months, not telling him, so he still contributes some money, and keep a job for once.
  6. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">That is why I am paying the next 2 months, not telling him, so he still contributes some money, and keep a job for once.

    As much as I disagree with what they are doing....DON'T DO IT, JEN!!!

    You know as well as I that your difficult child was probably forewarned over and over that this might happen if he didn't pay. He lies. And he doesn't go to work. Don't bail him out. He won't appreciate it and you will just feel more like a martyr and enraged that he doesn't appreciate the support.

    You are annoyed that your parents bailed him out. You are talking about doing the very same thing. Don't make a hypocrite out of yourself.

    Don't do it, Jen. Let him feel the pain of the consequences. This is HIS problem. Don't make it yours, too.

  7. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    Sorry Jen but being a mom left to raise my kids alone with no help, I take no pity on your son.

    He was warned what would happen if he didn't pay, he made the choice to do something else instead of work.

    He has many more yrs to make these payments, better he learn now he HAS to work and pay support or else go to jail.

  8. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Jen, he'll never learn if you keep paying for his mistakes. He may never learn anyway, but if you keep doing his penance, how far off is it that he will blame you that he doesn't know how to get control of his life?