Lies, sneaking out, lying about sneaking out ...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Apr 28, 2012.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    So, last weekend, our friend, W, dropped off difficult child at a friend's house and met the family and all of the kids' neighborhood friends.
    That night, he saw one of the kids, D, 2 blks away from the house, being questioned by the police. He called to tell me.
    I told difficult child and asked him to ask D about it.
    The next day, he said that D snuck out to go to a friend's house. The grandma called the police and they brought him home.
    I waited 4 days, then called the grandmother (she has custody) and chatted a bit and then said, by the way, did everything go all right when you called the police the other night?

    What police?
    Uh oh.

    I explained what happened.
    Talked to her the next day.
    "He says he didn't go out. Could you explain it to me again?"

    I go back and ask difficult child.
    difficult child: "What did you tell his g-ma for?" (Shouting)
    "Because I'm the mom. And I didn't TELL her anything. If she's the one who called the police, then she already knew. But she didn't call the police."
    "I THOUGHT she did. K (the brother) assumed she did."
    Ahh. "So, what else did K assume? Or tell you?"
    "He says D does it all the time."
    "But the grandmother says he was there."
    "He wasn't."

    I talk to grandmother again. "One of them is making up something," I tell her.
    "Actually, I'm having problems with-K right now," she says.

    Hmm. Maybe my friend saw K instead of D.

    No matter. Because The kids keep convoluting the story and not a single one has come up with-a plausible explanation. Maybe the brother is trying to get the other brother into trouble to create a smokescreen, Know what I mean??

    So I told the grandmother, "If it were my kids, I'd be doing a bed check every 45 min. Not much else you can do."


    I almost called my friend to ID the kid right at the kid's house, but when the boys have admitted to difficult child that they DO sneak out, and they ASSUMED the mother had called the police, clearly there is something going on. If it were my sister and I and we were that age, I would never have given any of those responses.

    I can't believe the grandmother just said, "He says he didn't."

    Hey, when my son's lips are moving, I assume he's lying. But I'm not going to tell her that. She'll have to figure it out about her own grandkids, and I think she's halfway there.
    Sad thing is, they aren't into any sports and she never goes anywhere except the grocery store, because she's so tied down with-the 3rd bro, who is autistic and can barely speak. He's a sweet kid, though. Always in a good mood. :)

    I can't wait for summer camp, and a whole new set of friends ...
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Exhausting! Yeah, I think a change of environment will be very nice for him (and YOU).....
  3. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Sometimes I do feel bad that we hardly go anywhere because of all the disabilities here. Its not fair on the non-disabled kids. I hope I don't have the same problems when they get to be teenagers.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Your son is probably lying to you big time and you are also ignoring it. It's never your son. Someone else did it. He gets no consequences for anything you find. This in my opinion only is not the way to move him in a different direction. You can't make him stop seeing H., but you could finally tell her she has an STD and you could admit, as hard as it is, that it is your son alone that probably stole from you. And you can bet you are going to keep hearing from the police. I did. It doesn't stop until they stop. They need to be held accountable and not have us make up excuses for them or buy into their excuses either. You have plenty of evidence that Difficult Child is in trouble deep, but you keep protecting him. I get the mindset. Trust me on this. But your protectiveness will harm him in the end.

    in my opinion he is too old for you to be calling his friend's parents about what happens. Deal with him and only him is my .02. Let the other families deal or not deal with their young men and women. Except do tell somebody H. could have an STD. I don't understand holding that up. It is important.
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Somewhere... you haven't had to deal with the combination of drugs and Aspie. Its not the same as drugs and neurotypical. NOT AT ALL. I know - been there done that just enough to know.

    It's a really delicate situation. And her son is Aspie plus... more. The druggies love these kind of kids - they can manipulate them all sorts of ways, make the kid dance to their tune etc.
  6. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    "When my son's lips are moving, I assume he is lying" :crazy2:

    Part of me agrees with SWOT in that you need to back down a little and not be so active in his "stuff", but I totally understand the need to intervene. I know that with my son (who is a year ahead of yours), I took the step the summer between his junior and senior year to "let him be". I stopped being so involved in his school and social life (not that his social life was near as active as your sons). I figured the mistakes he made would be the lessons he would take towards his independence. If he messed up along the way, it was better he did it while he was here at home than living on his own 'cause I would be here if he needed me. And he did do some messing up...

    Our kids are all so different and what works for one usually doesn't work for another! Having said that, I know this is an incredibly difficult time with so many recent Difficult Child challenges. Hang in there mom!

  7. KateM

    KateM Member

    Hey, the original post of Terry's is from 3 years ago!
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Good eye, Kate.
    There must have been a spammer message on the thread that got deleted... but which put the post back onto everyone's "new post" list.
  9. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    LOL! Yeah, never even thought to check the post date!