Life goes on one-day-at-a-time with difficult child...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by seekinghope, Aug 14, 2008.

  1. seekinghope

    seekinghope New Member

    Just wanted to give an update to those who were so kind to me when difficult child ran off.
    He is still with his bio dad. I can't believe he's made it there this long. His dad is really not happy with this; as he only has a studio apartment Those who read my previous post know that he has never parented before. We were married for 22 yrs. I was still a teen when we married. We stayed married until difficult child was 4 but difficult child never lived with his bio dad. I relocated when I was pregnant. My pregnancy with difficult child was very difficult, it required a hospital stay until I was 5 months along. I totally had to stay on bed rest. I had "total placenta-previa". It meant I could not so much as hang my feet over the bed. Maybe this is why I love this child so much. He was very wanted.
    Anyway, I still don't know what is going to happen. He seems to be doing O.K.
    His dad tells me their taking it one -day-at-a- time. There are few rules he has to follow. Try and be neat, shower, be home for dinner, be home by 10:00. But no one checks-up on him, where he goes,what he's doing, because his dad is at work all day. It is hard to believe he is not doing something drug related??
    When I talk to him he does not sound high but there is know way for me to know.
    School will be starting soon, he needs a dental appointment. and eye appointment. and like I said his dad had never done any of those things.
    So every day I worry and wait to see what will happen???
    On the lighter side...
    I spent a few days in Lake George NY with my two older children. I was not going to ; I think depression, but I forced myself. My daughter was on vacation with her family and my DS was there for a few days with his girlfriend before returning to University. It sad you know, because difficult child takes up so much of my energy there is little left for anyone else. The other children, although grown now, still need attention from mom and there is not enough to go around. difficult child's manage to absorb all.
    I was happy I did. I know it pleased my other children, and it pleased me to please them!
    Thank you all for listening it really helps to check in here.
  2. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    I am glad to hear you forced yourself to go on vacation. YOU DESERVE TO HAVE SOME FUN TOO!!!! It's nice to be able to spend time with the siblings, like you said the difficult child's take everything we have. :)

    I am so sorry you are so worried about your difficult child, understandably so. You have perfected the dance over the years, you know what he needs and how to get it. Dad will learn to dance too. He will have no choice. Is there a chance you can talk to his dad and make sure he has all of his ducks in a row? What if you make all of the necessary appointments and dad can bring him to them. Is that at all a possibility?

    In any event you still need to take care of you!!! Keep your head up and God bless. :)
  3. seekinghope

    seekinghope New Member

    Thanks Bran for the support.
    It was really hard to go but my other children need to know mom is there for them too.
    No, I really can't depend on his dad to do much. I don't want to sound neg. it is just that he never has. He has been the dad who visited them on vacations took them to the movies. dinner, "Mall Shopping'. He spoiled them, and that was O.K. ,that was their relationship.
    In fourth grade my difficult child pitched for the baseball team. You think as a dad and a man he would have made every effort to come see his boy pitch. But no, that's just not him
    I do not blame him for anything. I blame myself. Choose WISELY in your mate as he will be the father of your children.
    We get along fine but I cannot pressure him into doing things. He had a drinking problem when we were married and did not do well under pressure. He has been sober now for about 13 yrs. and good for him. I think the divorce and the lessened responsibility of family helped him to get sober. So you see the conundrum I am faced with????
    One day-at-a-time for now, I guess.
    I did try talking to his dad about school and he just doesn't want to until the last minute.
    So I wait, hopefully not for the other shoe to drop but maybe a successful relationship between father and son.
    Who knows???
  4. So Tired

    So Tired Member

    Seeking hope, I'm glad you went on a get-a-way with your grown PCs - everyone needs a little vacation and "down" time from their difficult child worries.

    I'm so sorry that you have so much to worry about with difficult child at his bio-dad's. I know it is hard to not be involved with so much that you have usually been taking care of. It is hard to let go of worrying if they are alright. Mine moved out to live at his friend's home, but he even though he 18 and through high school, it is still painful. His cell phone broke and I have not had contact with him for days -- it's hard not knowing what is going on with him....

    You never know, maybe it will work out o.k. there, maybe not. In the meantime, try and take some time for yourself and do some things that will help you feel like you are moving forward. Things that are just for and about you. Re-connect with with yourself as a person in your own right, not just support staff for difficult child! If he stays with bio-dad you will be on your own path to moving forward, if he comes home to you, you will at least feel renewed and ready to deal with him again....

    Sending strength and caring thoughts your way....